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RE: Poetry Dice 23 Entry: Remembering the Future
I'd replace "Chatting about" with "Speaking of", which still fits the speech-bubble, and perhaps even better.
I'd consider changing the last two lines to:
making us
happy
To make it even more of a root going down. But if the entire shape is supposed to represent a tree, and this is the trunk rather than the roots, ignore this comment.
Now, I don't have a lot to say, because this was just lovely. You know I often have a lot to say, but sometimes I like how all I want to do is smile at a poem. This is one of those.
Thanks for your comment. Sorry for just now getting to it. I went back and forth with a lot of different words for chatting as I felt the word was kind of cheap, but ultimately I felt that it best portrayed what I was trying to convey. I'm sure there's another word out there, but didn't feel like putting in the effort to research it.
You're right about the ending. I didn't intend for the piece to take on any shape, but my original plan would have had me beginning and ending with a Fibonacci sequence so I finished that way for the final four lines.
Thanks again for your comment.
Don't mention taking time. I have tabs open for a month now, that I need to get to. It is how it is.