5 Minute Freewrite: Poem Cinnamon

in #poetry2 years ago (edited)

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Music shivers. Cinnamon eyes
simmering speaker thrum.
Bass numbs MDMA carapace -
empty embraces, swollen gums.

The party lingers, memories fade.
Yesterday remains a picture
left out in the rain.

Colors running in rivulets,
pastel pixels merging
to cinnamon dun.
Sunspots erupt
in the back
of my eye.

© Rowan Joyce 21/02/2018


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This post is in response to @mariannewest freewrite writers prompt which can be found here. The pictures are from unsplash.com and pixabay.com creative commons licence, please follow links to credit. If you have enjoyed this poem you can check out my other work on my homepage @raj808.

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If you would like to join a fantastic community where we strive to help new steemians grow and develop, why not join me at #promo-mentors discord group which you can find here. I am one of the poetry/fiction mentors over at #promo-mentors, if you have any questions or need any guidance with either of these tags please don't hesitate to ask for me, @raj808.


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Yesterday remains a picture
left out in the rain. With time it would fade and be washed away. Very nice poem. Thumbs up

Thanks @tutufaith I'm glad you enjoyed the poem 👍

Quite interesting - you make me want to try to do one of the freewrites as poetry in the future.

I love the description in the first two stanzas - the noise feels blurry. It has an empty/shallow feeling, even though the senses seem to be over-active. I find that such contrast was elicited well.

You should try bro. I always do poetry when doing free writes. I think because poetry can be spontaneous for me, while prose needs some thought.

I agree with @warpedpoetic. You should give it a go! With the 5 min freewrite I usually sit quiet for a while first to get myself in the poetic mind-set before hitting the stop watch and it usually works out pretty well. Glad you enjoyed the sensory imagery and the over active mind as that is what I was aiming for with this. It is a come-down of epic proportions in a poem ;-)

Hurray! I have deciphered a meaning. That was great sensory image, especially for a five-minute freewrite!

I'll do my best and commit to writing a freewrite in poetic form. I like just hitting the stopwatch (on the most dangerous writing app, which deletes your text after 3 seconds of not writing) and let my brain go wild, without much thought. That's kind of what freewrite is for me. I'll adapt that into some philosophical poetry - from which I can elicit further poetry alone the line.

Wow. This is amazing! The imagery is so intense. Great post!

Thanks @byn. I seem to go full on intense as a natural style with my poetry. A real challenge for me is to write a funny limerick, hmmmnn... self-challenge accepted. Ha ha maybe a limerick for y next freewrite ;-)

empty embraces

and

Music shivers

Are my favourite lines. Beautiful images here. I love the way you use few words to create so much meaning and tell a story. Good one sire.

Thanks @warpedpoetic. I always think that poetry is all about condensing meaning down to its purest form where possible. It's a balance between retaining the clear picture and finding that finite concise focus for me. well that's what I try to do in my poems ;-) Thanks for stopping by to check out the poem, I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Saying a whole lot with so little. That is one of the things I love about poetry. It is like a small sharp knife that cuts into the thick of things.

Hey Rowan,

In my first read, I was so caught up in your wordplay and the way you use sound, especially in that first stanza, to naturally guide the reader through the piece that the auditory strength were all consuming.

It wasn't till the second or third read that the bold imagery and the selective lines that went into building them became more and more noticeably the strength of this piece.

Mostly wanted to note that to tell you how cool it was to experience your piece through different lenses and how much I appreciated your approach in this.

The lines:

The party lingers, memories fade.
Yesterday remains a picture
left out in the rain.

is truly stunning stunning, and, while I hate picking out a thing to note in such a well rounded and constructed piece, I can't get over how impactful this imagery washed metaphor is.

Brilliant stuff, mate.

Wow... thank you. I feel it is always hit and miss doing a poem in a 5 min freewrite but I shall just be humble, sort of, 😉 and say that your words convince me that the dart hit the bulls-eye today. Thanks for your comments and meaningful reading/feedback @carmalain7. I really appreciate it and am glad you enjoyed the poem 😃

To be blunt, I think you struck some gold here and would definitely encourage you to take some of the sections that most connect to you here and put them towards a more focused piece without a time constraint.

That said, I also think this piece speaks as is, so... follow your poet heart? haha, loved it @raj808, thank you for the share.

Sounds like it was a great party! :) I love the freewrites that are poetry

Haha @conradt yes it was a party and a half, many moons ago now. this poem is written in retrospect from my younger days when I was fearless ;-) thanks for visiting my blog and reading, I'm glad you enjoyed the poem

I remember the days of being fearless myself. Now its a cup of tea and bed by ten (even on the weekends)

Great poetryslam bro ✊ i just did the same thing from the days events and inspiration from the photo i edited.

Thanks

be well

@raj808

Thanks @krazypoet I'm thinking of a dsound poetry reading tomorrow. I have to find the right poem to unleash on the mic ;-)

A #freewrite does seem to lend itself to poetry. Although, sometimes you just need to splatter words on the page. I really enjoyed this. Full of imagery and memories. Thanks! Here is today's: https://steemit.com/freewrite/@mariannewest/day-126-5-minute-freewrite-thursday-prompt-switch

Thanks @wordymouth. I usually only do 1 or 2 freewrites a week but I was inspired by the prompt 'switch' so I have penned another 5 minute poem :-)

I am no expert in Poetry but I love how it explores the senses.

Thanks @maverickinvictus I'm glad you appreciated the sensory element of this poem. It was exactly my intention to try and keep it completely visceral senses-- touch, hearing sight -- as much as possible with little or no commentary. 'Show don't tell' is what I'm always telling others, so I have to try and abide by this myself as well ;-) thanks for checking it out