No More Eyes
This is my entry for @rumplestiltskin's poetry contest. Please check out the post and join me, if you'd like.
No More Eyes
Look out
and see my eyes
As they peer
Profoundly at yours
Dark yet unprotected
Consumed by your blue
My heart
flutters at your scent
Captured by your essence
And surrenders rhythm
For the sake of exuberance
Freed of all armour
Your touch
Transcends my surface
And we become
As smooth as stones
Shaped by water
Then break down
Once more
To become a marvelous clay
Molded and hardened
Together
By our love
We no longer
have a need
for eyes
for we see
each other
only
as...
us
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Love has a strange way of sacrificing the ego of individuals, while at the same time, empowering them to experience exponentially more joy as a part of something more. When you're in love, inevitably, you will find yourself forsaking the letter "I" for the word "we" and "us". This is not to say that you won't have selfish habits. That is part of you and therefore part of the whole that you help form. We as humans seem to be drawn to create these wholes, whether they are through intimacy, family, community or any number of associations which we choose to make. No matter the relationship, love is at its center, and, like this poem, "Love" has no "I"s.
Thanks for reading. Please feel free to share your thoughts below.
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Really beautiful! It made me think of a description I once heard of a healthy relationship being two masters, two slaves, and two people altogether. Able to trust that you are first for someone else so you don't feel the need to be first for yourself.
That is a beautiful description of a healthy relationship. One day, one day.
That is so true. It is the utopia, I think, that everyone craves, albeit on a smaller scale. I truly appreciate your comment. Thank you.
I like how you balanced the 'my' and 'your' until bringing them together as 'we' in the final stanza. A nice piece, best of luck in competition.
Thank you. I'm glad that you were able to see that aspect.
this a great poetry one....i like it..best of lucl my friend..best of luck...
Thank you. I appreciate the complement.
most welcome my friend..✌✌✌
This truly is lovely.
Thank you!
love the play on eyes and "I" - the ego, the self
really nice!
Thank you. When I started to write this, my goal was to write a love poem that said "I love you" without using the letter "i". It ended up being something different, but the overall message is still similar.
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. I appreciate it.
that's a great idea to set yourself challenges like that (say "I love you" with the word "I"), parameters within which you can get a message across but make the words obey your rules. that might make a good poetry-writing exercise for the workshop!
Yeah, I've done it once before with the letter "e". It's not my idea though. I can't remember who's it was, but one guy rewrote children's songs (Mary had a little lamb) by taking out various vowels. It is a fun exercise that makes you think outside of the box in terms of word choice and therefore pushes you outside of your comfort zone a little bit.
I once wrote a paragraph for my economics website without using the letter "e"! How funny! It's called a lipogram, text that omits a certain letter. Here was my paragraph:
Our nation can focus on work and productivity or it can focus on buying and consumption. But on which should our focus consist? Without a doubt, our focus should narrow in on productivity! Buying and consuming will always find a way, but productivity is worth our planning and urging. Plus, productivity is always first; as such, it’s our primary focus.
Just seeing this now. I think we must have posted at the same time. That's a nice paragraph and solid reasoning.
Yep, it's called a lipogram (apparently)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lipogram#Mary_Had_a_Little_Lamb_example
Wow. I am impressed. I just know you were thinking about your wife as you wrote this. Selfishness is human and we should not judge ourselves
The best we can do is practuce awarness and catch it before we act on it. Then we can give away that which was frwely given to us. LOVE
Thank you for your nice comment. You're right, I was thinking about my wife when I wrote it. We are all selfish and selfless, bad and good. It is who we are. As we strive to be the ideal that we set for ourselves, I think we become a better person for it. thanks again for stopping by.
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Hey old friend: you accomplished some really cool things with this poem! Thanks for sharing. xx, Kay
Thank you. Long time no see. Glad to see you back on these pages.