Love and Pain...and Cancer

in poetry •  2 years ago 

For those of you who don't know, my husband (@briancourteau), the love of my life, has cancer. We've been through treatment together, to no avail, and so we decided to make the move from Vancouver, Canada to Playa del Carmen to live out our days together. We don't know how much time we have, but we do know that we are desperately trying to enjoy every minute of it.

Our amigo, @deancarter introduced us to steemit in December and it has helped so much to suddenly have this amazing community of people at our fingertips. Without knowing, we have each blogged about the healthy positive influence it's had on us (https://steemit.com/steemit/@briancourteau/meeting-great-people-on-steemit AND https://steemit.com/steemit/@lynncoyle1/steemit-as-a-society-rocks)

Brian writes poetry and I introduced @johnjgeddes' work to him and together they developed this really cool relationship. John actually dedicated a poem to us...made me cry! (https://steemit.com/poetry/@johnjgeddes/how-i-see-you). Oddly enough, we all discovered our mutual love and respect for ravens! Who knew?? Through that, we met @creatr, a friend of Johns and he gave us this link https://www.cancertutor.com/start-here/ which has been very informative and helpful.

So again, I need to express my profound thanks to steemit and the wonderful folks who 'live' in this amazing society!


There are times however, when Brian's pain is almost too difficult to bear; it's as if the pain takes over and he becomes lost in it. This morning was one of those times.....I wrote him this poem..

Pain and Love

To My Love,
The pain drags you further and further away from YOU
And me
Please, please, please follow the bread crumb trail of memories
It will guide you back to YOU

You’ll pass a smiling girl standing by her car outside of a Yaletown penthouse,
Waiting for her love to find her
Chocolates in Edmonton
Family in Ontario
Road trips to California and a tree of shoes where our love is memorialized
Route 66 where only we existed
Las Vegas and a snake wrapped around that smiling girl’s neck
New Orleans, Mississippi, and beyond

If you lose your way just look up and the ravens will guide you
They have been with us this entire journey

At the end you will find YOU,
And me, patiently waiting
And smiling

Until then, the ravens will be here, watching over me like family
And together we will hold vigil,
Awaiting your return.

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Cheers!

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Stay strong !!

Wow, thank you so much! We both appreciate your kindness:)

this is such a touching poem, Lynn, written from the heart as all good poems are. I love your attitude of living day by day. it seems to me the golden way. There's a Navajo saying that consoles me in my own life - There's a way out of every dark mist, over a rainbow trail. It's not a panacea, but it is a way of looking at life and trying to find that lighted path. You guys are golden.

Thank you so much John; day by day is all we can do. I love that Navajo saying...it will bring me peace when I need it. You are golden too my friend (you made me think of, "stay gold Ponyboy":) Thank you again.

Ah, The Outsiders - I taught that a few times:)

hahaha i figured...the Grade 8 curse! :)

I’m so sorry to hear the pain you guys are going through!! I will pray for you both! The poem is beautiful!!!

Thank you so much...I'll take all the prayers I can get!! And thank you for your kind words re: my poem; really appreciate that too! (btw, Gina notified me over in discord that you commented here haha)

I didn't know that was happening. I'm so sorry to hear that! Words seem cheap in response to what you're going through, so I'll just say that I hope Mexico is awesome!

aww thank you so much; just so you know, any words are far from 'cheap'...i really appreciate your kindness!! And yes, there are many worse places to be than Mexico:) Thanks again. Cheers!

Hi @lynncoyle1, we have chatted a bit on the steemitbloggers chat over at discord. Didn't know though what you and your husband were going through. Stay strong!
And your poems is beautiful. It brought tears to my eyes, just knowing what your inspiration was, it was really touching.

Thank you so much!! And yes, with a name like @thepaperplane, I totally remember you:) What you said about my poem is very kind indeed; it's words like yours that add to my inspiration...so thank you again!

I am so sorry to hear that. Your words touch my heart. Hope you guys have beautiful and amazing time ahead waiting for you. Please stay strong :)Sending love to both of you <3

Thank you so much for your very kind words! I appreciate all the love and support you can send <3

Hi Lynn, I am sorry about Brian's condition.

Forgive my curiosity but I assume in such a situation you must be open to all sorts of input that could lead to improvements in Brian's health?

May I ask how his status is and if you guys adjusted your diets in order to starve the cancer? Are you eating loads of garlic, taking cannabis oils, taking methadon?

Best wishes!

Hi there! Thank you so much for your comments and concern :) Yes we have changed up our diets, loads of garlic and cannabis oil (which has helped the tumours in his mouth and seizures tremendously! Methadon..no to that one? Thank you again for your input...all is welcome!

  ·  2 years ago (edited)

I live in Frankfurt am Main / Germany and a Doctor here got shutdown after discovering that Methadon is a way cheaper and more effective way to survive cancer. I have no further info on what has happened to her work since then but I remember among local independent media sources that it was considered a freak discovery with a threat to pharma's profits.

http://www.dw.com/en/fighting-cancer-with-methadone-making-chemotherapy-more-powerful/a-19482264

thank you so much for that...I'm going to look at the link you sent now. I would totally upvote you for this, but I've depleted my voting power today and I don't want the dreaded "bandwidth" message!! Of course pharma's not happy with something like that...there is too much money in remaining sick :( Thank you again!

OK I am sobbing now as i write this. Your post is so touching! My thoughts and prayers are with you and Brian! I will send you two positive healing energy every day! Hugs!

awww you're a good guy!! I really really really appreciate your comments, thoughts, prayers, healing energy...all of it!! I will take whatever you have to give :) Someone said this to me today and I'm passing it on to you now...internet hugs (because I certainly did not want to make you cry ;)

I'm sorry to hear about your situation and the reason behind your relocation Lynn. I hope the change in environment and new life will offer you guys a better and more comfortable lifestyle, creating lots of beautiful moments that you will all keep with you where ever you may be in the future.

Thank you so much for that! I really appreciate the support. It is certainly more comfortable here compared to the rainy and cold Vancouver winter! I guess with age and circumstance we understand that "beautiful moments" are just about anything now ;) Thank you again!!

Thank you Baby for putting up with the bad days. I love you.

Aww thank you baby...I love you more :) xo
Maybe all the positive energy on steemit will help you!!

With good friends, positivity, lots of love and the poem that made me cry, your love will return just like that young girl smiling. all our very best to both of you and your beautiful journey of love.

I'm sorry I made you cry ;) Thank you for this reply; it means a lot! The love never disappears, it just sometimes gets masked by the pain I think.

Ahhh @lynncoyle1 ... This is such a beautiful, sad, touching, moving story! You are navigating through dark waters and yet your words ring of love, deep affection, acceptance!

Your journey is not an easy one. Continue to stockpile memories! One day, they will be a wonderful "escape"!

Thank you for sharing the rawness of your reality with us! It gives hope and courage to others who might be facing their own unique life challenge! You and @briancourteau continue to be in my heart, Girl!

Thank you so much! If no one has told you today, You are awesome ! :)

'Smatter of fact, no one has - hehe ... Thank you and right back at YOU!

I can't imagine the pain that either of you feel. The worry and the sadness gets to be heavy I'm sure. Unfortunately I don't know the right words to say to make it better, but I do know that you are awesome in how you spend your lives... "together".

I once was told that God gives us 2 gifts in this life: memory and understanding. I often like to think of this when I think about my own demise.

I realize that I was truly blessed to have the understanding I have had in this life, and I also am grateful to have the memories that "I know" have truly been lived. When I'm gone I will still be inside of the people that I had those memories with. It makes me comforted to know I'm still a part of their lives.

Again, I don't know much to say other than I'm lucky to know your story and happy to be small part of those memories too. I think you both are awesome in how you are "living" your life on this earth!

And it is a beautiful poem and post, Lynn a tribute to you love for Brian!

'Memory and understanding'...I will remember that when I'm in the middle of one of my toddler tantrums wondering 'why'! Brian always worries about not having a legacy (my kids are from a previous marriage; although our boys totally see him as their dad) and I try to assure him that the memories carry on in others...I think your words finally solidified that for him, so for that, I am eternally grateful!

You are a 'true' soul Dave, I'm honoured that you feel so "lucky to know our story"; you have now become a part of that story and I really hope one day we have some 'real life memories' with you here in Playa.

Finally, thank you for your kind words about my poem and post..it means a lot.

Cheers!

It is me that is honored to meet you both. What you have together is what most people will look for their entire life. You found it. To me that is beautiful!

Talk to you later and I hope you both have a wonderful evening!

Thank you Dave! We do feel very fortunate, regardless of how long we have together; I never used to believe in soul mates ;)

Have a great night too!

Your poem made me cry! I can feel the sincerity, love and support. I say a little prayer for your husband, may God our Lord take away his pain and give him enough strength to carry on. We will continue praying for him. Just be strong ma'am. God is with you always! Followed you already. Take care!

Thank you so very much! We both appreciate the prayers :) I will continue to be strong for sure!!

@lynncoyle1 True love endures the pain and surpassess every challenges! stay strong!

Thank you for your kind words! I'll do my best :)

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Thank you!

Very powerful Lynn. Thank you for sharing. I will keep following you and keep sending positivity your way.

Thank you so much for the compliment and for your positive vibes coming my way...I humbly accept! :)

I'm so sorry to hear about your husband's cancer and his pain. It's a really beautiful poem you wrote! I wish you both a lot of strength this upcoming period, and especially time together full of love, with as little pain as possible for your husband.

Thank you so much for your kind words and thoughts...I truly believe everyone's positivity here is helpful:) I also appreciate your thoughts on my poem...came from the heart!

This made me cry :( You two look so happy in your photo together and this poem is a wonderful gift to him. I do alternative treatments for my papillary thyroid ca. You don't need to do all alternative but some natural additions might help. Would you know if soursop (guyabano) and mangosteen grow in Mexico?

I'm not sure actually, but I'm going to look into it for sure! He uses organic cannabis oil and it is helpful.
We tried the chemo route once and it was horrible, so it's all natural from here on out! Thanks for the info and your comments on my poem; sorry it made you cry !

Beautiful poem. Made me tear up a bit. Thank you for sharing. I'm not sure if I believe in prayer or not, but I'll definitely send some positive thoughts your way.

All things considered, I don't know if I do either, but I'll take whatever you have to give!! Thank you so much:)

You're welcome. And no problem. I'm happy to help in whatever little ways I can. Whether some positive thoughts/words or an upvote on steemit that you can turn into real money or whatever. I'll definitely try to keep an eye out for your posts in the future! Take care.

Wow! Thank you again (this thread could go on forever, you saying 'you're welcome' and me saying 'thank you' again haha so no need to reply to this one! There are certain people I have met on this platform that make it so exceptional, and you are definitely one of those :) I really do fully and completely appreciate your words!

Such a beautiful poem.

So glad you are finding some sanctuary on Steemit and in your new environment.

Sending you both much love. 💙

oh thank you so much for your kind words about my poem and also the love you're sending...like I've said to most people here, I will take whatever 'help' I can get!