Thank you for sharing this poem. It read like the speaker was pleading with someone to not break up with them. Maybe it was about someone talking to a dead lover. I couldn't tell.
There were some wonderful lines in this poem, that in future poems I'd love to see more of. I say this with all the hopeful intent that it will bring clarity and power to your poetry.
Keep your goodbyes in your heart, and tell it to me later, slowly,
This was awesome. I love how it is asking the person to wait, just wait, don't say goodbye but hold it in; even LIE to me! Then draw it out "slowly" like it isn't happening until the speaking is over. I love that image to clinging to someone as they walk away. I can picture myself clawing at a person's arm, his wrist, his hand, his fingertips while he pulls away, slowly.
The poem progresses, and like moving through the stages of grief, the speaker moves on to denial:
Just make it seem like we love each other, and that’s enough, no more,
I feel like this part is about how the speaker is trying to bargain, or deny the change, or split. They are saying, "i'll be happy if we're not together, but have the illusion of it, or if we just pretend we're together it will be okay."
This line made me sad; knowing that sometimes ruin and change comes in those moments we feel like the world is crashing down around us: our bills are due with no money in the bank, our lover leaves us, our parent's are pissed at our shitty grades, and when you try to go to work your car doesn't start. Sometimes it pours sadness. This line evoked those images for me:
Could you please wait for the time, when my heart is stronger than this?
As you continue to write I encourage you to use images to relay these emotions. The most profound parts of this poem I resonated with were the ones that produced a relatable image I could understand. Some lines were abstract and confusing:
I get so easily scared, I hope I can stand on my own,
You don’t have to be so good, you don’t have to do it more than before,
What makes the speaker scared specifically? Why is the other person so good? What do they do that makes them good. What does "don't have to do it more than before" mean? I found that line confusing.
I look forward to reading more of your poems! Thank you for sharing and putting yourself out there. Keep up the efforts!
Thanks for the effort of this fabulous comment. I'm sorry for making you feel confused at these lines,
"I get so easily scared, I hope I can stand on my own,"
means - The woman doesn't want the man to show that he's trying to say goodbye to her frequently because she's not yet ready to be alone.
"You don’t have to be so good, you don’t have to do it more than before,"
means - She wants to tell the man that he doesn't have to be so sweet as before and he doesn't have to do efforts like taking her for date, something like that, just to be with him for a little more time, hiding the pain that she feels.
Thank you for the compliment. I really appreciate it. :)
You're welcome! Please do not apologize! We are all struggling to improve our craft, and the steps to improvement come with all the most affectionate feedback to encourage positive growth.
I suggest in your poem that you use those images you just defined! The clearer your words and delivery the more profound the feeling in your readers. I prefer your comment explanations to the lines in the poem itself! They evoked scenes in my mind like a movie that the poem did not. Right now I have like twenty different versions of the same scene playing out when I read your more detailed explanations.
"he puts his hand on her shoulder, whispering goodbye, but she turns away from him: all she can think of are the hours days she cooks for one when he is gone."
The images and story you told in your comment were so much more profound (to me) than the difficult to understand line in the poem. Can you work that specificness into your poem?
Thank you for the advice that you'd given to me @jocelynlily.