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RE: [Setting Suns Descend], 30 Day Haiku and Color Challenge (red) @brokemancode @kalemandra
I must say, though I am a fan of packing as much essence in as little amount of writing as possible, I like your 5/7/5 traditional haiku a bit more. I'm having trouble actualizing why exactly, but I think it may be that in the first haiku you are giving the reader more of your perception of an idea, vs. the second one where I fill in the blanks with how I feel. I already know how I feel, though. It's much more fascinating to have a tour in someone else's head
I actually wrote ... the 5/7/5 one first. I like it too because it has some word play that the second does not. The thing about haiku written in Japanese kanji is that it is pictorial ... because kanji is symbolic and not a phonetic written language. To get the same layers in English, I think ... just my opinion, that more adjectives and careful word choice is needed. But it doesn't take long to offer both takes. Choice is always good:) Thanks for popping in:)