The Empty House (II)
When I wrote The Essence of Love I wrote some more words on the so-called "rules" of poetry writing. That time I wrote of the tendency to have poems be longer than they should be, because you might feel something is too short to be a "proper" poem.
This time I'm going to discuss something similar, yet subtly different.
Aphorisms and idioms are a form of poetic prose. When you have a "zinger", the tendency to wrap it up in a lot of words can come not just because we feel we need more words for a "proper poem," but also because we feel the need to keep explaining.
Resist that urge. You need not bandage up the heart of your piece.
Also, images are something external to the poem, but just as punctuation is part of your medium, and rhymes, so can actual images be, just as the title of the piece is part of it. Use these tools carefully to mold the experience.
Without you,
no matter how grand,
this house is but a ziggurat
exalting self-importance.
No matter how beautiful,
these prayer-housing caverns,
are but a mausoleum for the Divine.
Without you.
Why "The Empty House 2"? Because I wrote another poem by the same title last week, which isn't being shared for now. But in my mind, this is still the second one.
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© Guy Shalev 2018.
This is a perfect example of what we have been talking about and what you say just up there in the notes.
Bravo!
I love the aspect of vacancy in this piece, in particular the on-high structures of prayer, both places for the living and the dead, of where the sacred is said to dwell. Both shells.
Starkly beautiful!
Not just vacancy, but absence.
And how's this for poetic prose: Absence has been with me often as of late.
And it is interesting, using a piece on vacancy to speak of how you don't need to embellish things in art.
Glad you liked it, Niish.
I need this.
I mean, you probably know as much already; in fact, you probably know more than any other reader I've ever had, and that most likely includes myself.
With that perspective, it is fun to look at this piece, which I have read many times, as something that fit, but not perfectly, with your first empty house and your awareness of your writing allowed you to see it as its own rather than an over extension of the other.
Something I definitely need to internalize, there's only so many angels to look at a room before you're not seeing any more of the room, just more angles.
Thank you for sharing this piece, Guy. I know it was written for all, but this one holds a special place for me.
Also, "mausoleum for the Divine" is... well... divine <3
Yes, I'll admit that as I wrote some of my comments to your pieces this week, I thought of this.
And I'm not going to take credit for splitting this from the other poem - I wrote it on its own. I mean, I knew they were kin, as in their name, but I actually didn't think of it as part of that piece. Though looking over it again now, I can definitely see how it could've been. But since one person gave me feedback to split that piece into two pieces and expand each focusing on Eurydice and Demeter, and I've told them nothing needs adding or removing from that piece, I wouldn't have.
Also, considering how many angels can stand on a pinhead, I think they'll all be fine ;-)
And you're welcome, Alain. I'm looking forward to walking with you on your journey as a writer and seeing you outgrow the same advice. Or double down and embrace it as your style :)
probably both in equal measure, and during the times I should most do the other - all to say, looking forward to it as well, Guy!
Beautiful poem, I've never been able to express myself shortly, so poem writing is an art I admire😉
Well, if you check most of my poems, they're a fair bit longer! But yes, poetry can be short too. Once you remove all excesses. And it comes with training.
Besides, it's not like I write my non-poetry like I write poetry. I tend to write extremely at length when it doesn't come to my fiction or poetry, so don't think tendency in one area necessarily translates to the same tendency elsewhere.
Nice well done
Thank you!
Welcome my friend
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