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RE: Inertia (Original Haiku)

in #poetry6 years ago (edited)

I think this is a borderline haiku. The split to the last line might be just barely enough, but it feels too much like it's repeating the first line, and still too close to the second.

I don't feel there's enough of a movement in this haiku, that in so doing it is slightly betraying what haikus can do.

I do think doing more physically is great. I have to start doing so myself.

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In actuality, it's not a haiku at all. In truth, I hardly ever write haiku. I find it easier to reference it as such, but, as with this piece, I typically have no intention of following the strict rules associated with haiku vs the more free 5-7-5 style of senryu. Your critique, while observant, is not entirely applicable. That being said, I can understand your perspective on movement. I'll take that into consideration next time. Thanks for the comment.

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