Depression Reality - A Poem

in #poetry6 years ago (edited)

The Death of Socrates - Jacques-Louis David 1787.jpg

Some people like bringing up rules to be adhered to when discussing poetry. Rules such as, "no abstractions," yet what do you think metaphors and similes are? What do you think are words?
What sort of poetry can you write, when you let the rules use you rather than using them, and knowing when to abandon them? And if you cannot do anything but parrot said rules, shouldn't you just point at the rules, rather than call yourself a poetry critic?

Hark! For this poem that follows contains no abstractions. Nothing but concrete reality here.

What do you do when you give up on life,
give in to the demands you cannot meet,
when you give out, and giving sure is a hopeful word,
but what is left when all has been given?
What do you do when any attempt to call in anyone,
can do nought else but call up the ghosts of failures past,
and there's no one left to call out,
but yourself?
What can you do when any attempt to pull out
of it all only pulls you back in, and there are no hands
to pull you up, no shoulders to rely on?
They are looking in on you,
concern on their faces,
and assurances that things will look up,
so why are you looking so down, again.
What do you do then, when you cannot look out.
They beat you down with niceties,
until you are beaten up,
lips looking a healthy shade of red.
And these dark feelings set in, then move in,
and they set you up, and you cannot move out.
There's no room to move up,
no place to set down the burden.
You try to break out of the cell,
to break up the clot in your throat,
to break it down into small chunks, that will make sense,
to those that did not have pieces of themselves broken off.

What do you do when you throw up this run-on sentence, this run-on life?
When you cannot help but throw down on a page these husks,
now empty of meaning, that have been run out of life?
When you try to throw in the towel, only to run into the wall?
What do you do when there's nowhere to run, run, run, run, run
run, run, run, run, run away?

What do you do,
when you run out of energy,
out of time;
when you close out the book,
and put down the pen,
when you've been in the same spot for so long,
and you have been at it so many times.

What do you do,
when you run out of words,
but not out of pain.

Separator line_smallEST.jpg

Check out my latest poem:

IOW COLOR LOGO.png
Art and flair courtesy of @PegasusPhysics

The image used is The Death of Socrates by Jacques-Louis David, 1787, and is public domain.

© Guy Shalev 2018.

Sort:  
Loading...

Always when I speak of rot, I speak from this angle, as rot, as the once alive, the once vital, the once green.

Amazing insight from the pit which is also a well of sorts.
When I was first learning to oil paint at university, one of my painting instructors said: "We must come to love the earth tones, dark and rich, as they make the bright colors stand out.”

Another Masterful and deeply moving piece of art here, Guy. <3

Amazing insight from the pit which is also a well of sorts.

While a well is also an ex-pit, a pit is not necessarily a well. It also makes you think, because a pit is almost by definition empty, and if it's a well, it's not empty, is it?

Also, you know me so well. I actually considered several other titles for this poem, and the other front-runner was actually "Missives from the Pit."

Also, negative emotions can be bright too. Like the sharp jolt of pain. Though I know what you've meant.

Thank you Niish. I didn't edit this piece. And I went against so many "rules", so I didn't expect people to like it. I'm glad you think so highly of it <3

when you give out, and giving sure is a hopeful word

Ah, but giving is not hopeful at all when you "give out" like an old tire or an aged back. I love this contrast.

What do you do,
when you run out of words,
but not out of pain.

And this. I haven't had to find out yet and I hope I never do.

Giving is not hopeful.

It's not just "giving out," but also "giving in" and "giving up," it's interesting that a word such as giving, when it comes to idioms, is all about hopelessness. Shows what people in our society really think of giving, eh?

And oh, Jess, I hope you never do find out.

Wow. I have tears in my eyes. First off, I don't ever even try to write poetry because of all the "rules" (and I SUCK at rules!!!) but I have written some songs, so I suppose those almost count as poetry... although I didn't follow rules for those, either!

This really struck a chord with me

You try to break out of the cell,
to break up the clot in your throat,
to break it down into small chunks, that will make sense,
to those that did not have pieces of themselves broken off.

I have been struggling with depression lately and it has felt more than a little overwhelming lately for reasons I can't begin to put my finger on... but these words really captured a lot of what I've been feeling.

Thanks for sharing.
VERY moving poem, maybe in part because you didn't follow "rules" :/

I actually think of songs as a more structured form of free-verse poetry :D
Also, about rules. It's not that I actively break rules, or that I just write willy-nilly, but I let the poem go where it wants to. And there's a difference between going against rules, and just not following rules. Actively going against rules, if you do it all the time, is about as constraining as following rules, you know? I often break the rules in specific places, and that makes it serve a point.

But it is always about what the poem calls for, rather than slavishly going for something without considering it carefully.
Also, this poem, I went for the universal with this one. It naturally covers the way I feel about these things, and how I've felt when I wrote this poem, but I went and tried to be "universal," also in order to show that going for "no abstractions" ends up with you not being able to reach for generalizations, which sounds sweet, until you realize that "generalizations" is what the universal is made out of.

Scar Tissue, my poem from last week is on the other end of the spectrum, where I commit the opposite poetic sin, where I make use of personal imagery and mythology. That one is intensely personal. It's also part of why this piece came to be - I still felt the same thing, and I thought, "I don't actually have anything more to say. I already said everything I had to say of what I felt," and then realized that I still wanted to speak.
And that the bit of wanting to speak with nothing new to say is also indicative of depression.

Hope you feel better Byn. I know, I really do, how hard it can be.

Thank you. For me, it's not that I refuse to follow the rules, my writing just doesn't work well within the bounds of how poetry is "supposed" to be... of course maybe I don't really understand what the actual rules are. I just know what I enjoy reading and this was one of them! I guess I really like to read things that speak to me, things I can relate to, so this spoke to me in that way as well.

Glad you liked it!

Am looking forward to reading your non-rules-following poetry. I'll be happy to give you critique in private as well on the Isle if you want directions.

To be frank, I feel many poems would've been improved if the authors were just relaxed enough to go for free-verse over rhymes, you know?

Not all wells are empty, Guy. You have a way of punching one in the gut with just the right line:

until you are beaten up,
lips looking a healthy shade of red.


Sucks you in, deeply, and much against your will. And to answer your I'm sure rhetorical question - you write, because you must... Because you don't run out of words for as long as pain is there. And beauty. And love. Not even in the darkest of dark spaces we go to.

You don't run out of words. But you can run out of new words. This piece came to be in part because I thought, "I'm still feeling what I felt when I wrote Scar Tissue. I can just point to that. Because I don't have anything to add," and that led to this poem. I wrote so many words on the pain a decade ago, elsewhere. So many tens of thousands of words.

Beauty, sure. Ice and sharp glass are also beautiful. But you can run out of love, I fear.

It is an interesting juxtaposition between the light-feeling wordplay and the dark subject matter.
I think you do a good job of portraying the lethargy and despair from depression.
I also think you did a great job of including so many phrasal verbs. It kept the pace quick and really helped my mind connect with the poem.

It is a verbing poem! A ****ing poem! :D
But yes, many verbs give things a feel of movement, of rushing.
Words rushing to explain. And keep failing.
And then they run out.

I do wonder if this wordplay feels light. I intended in part for the constant repetition of specific verbs to also be a bit heavier. But I'm glad it worked out.

Hugs to you!

What do you do,
when you run out of words,
but not out of pain.

find your friends who will understand without words.
I just listened to this podcast. Maybe you will like it.

https://www.storycollider.org/stories/2018/2/2/black-holes-stories-about-dark-moments-in-science

Thanks Marianne! Hugs are (almost) always welcome!

I am a man of words. I need the words for my own. It's not just understanding. I think it's not really understanding, that I seek, when it comes to depression. Just for it to end. The words are just sort of there. I also wrote this poem because I said everything in last week's poem, yet wanted to say something anyway.

As for that podcast, I know for many people it works differently, but for me hearing stories of depression that resonate with me is actually one of the main causes for spikes in depression, such as reading @zipporah's recent post on the topic. So reading of depression, either I go, "That's not my experience," or I go "This is my depression" and I'm bed-ridden for 2-3 days, or more. So I'm going to pass, while I do appreciate the sentiment, because I know plenty of people for whom it helps seeing they're not alone in their experience.

For sure pass on it if reading/hearing about depression is a trigger. The main point in the story was that she found the right meds...
More hugs :)

Congratulations! This post has been upvoted from the communal account, @minnowsupport, by Thunder_God from the Minnow Support Project. It's a witness project run by aggroed, ausbitbank, teamsteem, theprophet0, someguy123, neoxian, followbtcnews, and netuoso. The goal is to help Steemit grow by supporting Minnows. Please find us at the Peace, Abundance, and Liberty Network (PALnet) Discord Channel. It's a completely public and open space to all members of the Steemit community who voluntarily choose to be there.

If you would like to delegate to the Minnow Support Project you can do so by clicking on the following links: 50SP, 100SP, 250SP, 500SP, 1000SP, 5000SP.
Be sure to leave at least 50SP undelegated on your account.

(Reminder to self: Remove "out" in "close out the book."

Probably.

Coin Marketplace

STEEM 0.18
TRX 0.13
JST 0.029
BTC 59269.62
ETH 3112.63
USDT 1.00
SBD 2.41