"Surprised by Love" - A Sonnet
“The moments of happiness we enjoy take us by surprise. It is not that we seize them, but that they seize us.”
– Ashley Montagu –
Before reading this sonnet,
I think some backstory may help.
I've written this poem with multiple purposes in mind. I plan to enter it in a poetry contest that @chrisroberts is running:
Thank you, Chris, for the stimulus that got me off my couch and in front of my keyboard.
However, I also hope to embed this in a chapter of a theological fantasy series that I've always wanted to write. Whether or not I succeed at that is still up in the air. In any case, I shall keep trying.
I took this sonnet to The Writers' Block poetry workshop and got some very helpful analysis and criticism. Thanks to them, I've been able to repair some shortcomings...
However, one lingering critique—a critique I am unable to fix—is that there is not a strong enough transition from darkness to light.
Here's the problem:
The setting of this sonnet is in a fictional universe that I imagine has no dark side, no evil. The strongest contrasting elements are always comparatives. In heaven, there is no bad. It's all good - better - even better yet. And superlatives are always temporary, constantly being eclipsed.
Dear reader, I appeal to you quite seriously. If you have any thoughts about ways to make stories about a perfect universe interesting and entertaining, I would love to hear your ideas. I do have some of my own, but (on my darker days) I wonder if it will even be possible to write about perfection in an engaging way? Time will tell.
"Like the rising suns, you lit my world."
Image courtesy of NASA.
Because you are reading this sonnet out of context,
I'll mention that (in my fictional world) it was written on an Earth-like planet orbiting one of two double stars in a five-star system.
I hope to one day publish the whole story, but for now - know that this sonnet was (fictionally) written under ideal circumstances, by a man who had been enjoying engaging work and nothing but happy relationships for more than fifty years.
Everything was absolutely wonderful. Then he was...
"Surprised by Love"
~by Duncan Cary Palmer~
~
For years on end I’ve relished pleasant days,
Without a single need that went unmet,
Immersed in satisfaction, love, and praise,
My life lived large, no trace of sad regret.
Then, like the rising suns, you lit my world.
A brilliance emanates from your dark eyes.
The universe around me, now unfurled,
Your presence leaves me breathless, mesmerized.
Now suddenly, I’m speaking out of turn,
Envisioning adventures we may find,
Let’s sail on past the point of no return,
To times and destinations out of mind.
Since finding you, I’ve come to long for more,
Surprised by love I’d never known before.
~
~FIN~
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The poem is absolutely beautiful, and your backstory made me think a little.
It's all conflict, no matter how small. Since you explained the perfect world idea, I started looking at different things as conflict. In this situation, love is a conflict. Sure, maybe love is everywhere in a perfect world, but this poem is written about infatuation, which is quite different. Really, within just the title of this poem there is plenty of conflict.
In that world, any surprise would be an obstacle. If you're supremely happy, then what does love become? Supreme dissatisfaction? Maybe.
I think anytime we try to imagine a world without suffering, suffering finds its way in anyways.
Thanks for a great entry!
Hey, Chris!
Wow, thank you so very much for your remarks. Your kind interaction with my dilemma is greatly appreciated. You've given me much to think about, going forward. :D
And you are correct, there is certainly a large dose of what could be called infatuation in human male/female relationships, and I strongly believe it to be a good thing. It has certainly driven the worlds of literature and poetry from time immemorial.
Once again, thanks for the stimulus your contest has provided. I've also been smiling a lot, looking at your iambic pentameter responses to other poets... :D
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It took me a few minutes to find your sonnet because I was looking for
written by @creatrI was like that is a great sonnet. But where is creatrs writing...LOL Great poetry my friend.
Thanks, Cap'n! :D
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STOPThank you.
Very nice my friend. I entered his sonnet contest too with a poem entitled 'Poetic Love'. I appreciated the back story and do learn from you. I wish you well in the contest. Thanks my friend.
Thank you, Troy.
I felt it needed some context. Hopefully not overdone. ;)
I wish I could help @creatr but this is outside my wheelhouse - you know these speculations, although fascinating, give me mental bumblebees. For instance, did constraints of time/timelessness affect the tenses in the sonnet? It's out of context so hard for me to know. Arggh! I have to rely on writers like you or C.S.Lewis to tackle these dilemmas.lol
John, you now have me attempting to comprehend what mental bumblebees might be... ;)
Not consciously. In writing it, I imagined myself to be the one, living in the future, living and working for half a century or more on a distant planet in a very interesting star system that is already known to present day science. I imagined meeting a beautiful and fascinating woman, falling hard for her, and responding--in part--by writing a sonnet for her.
But your question gives me grist for my thought mill, and may result in some poetry that features twisted tenses, creased cases, nuanced number, and other delightfully unusual verbal gymnastics...
Thanks for interacting! :)
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you're welcome :)
Hmmm....When I think of stories about a perfect universe it's almost impossible to avoid putting in something non-perfect that throws things out of balance. In my head I imagine a person living in this perfect universe but having curiosity to see outside of it. It is human to want to experience the unknown and by going outside their perfect world they experience suffering and sadness for the first time....that's all I got lol.
The sonnet is really lovely. I hope you do well in the contest. :)
Hey, @marxrab,
Thank you very much for reading my sonnet, and for your very thoughtful comments about my "literary problem." I really appreciate it! :D
There will be plenty of "unknowns" to experience in the universe I imagine, but no suffering and sadness...
Thanks for the good wishes!
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Interesting. I wonder in a perfect world, can there be want? or temptation even?
Which leads me to a question that arises in my mind from time to time...would living in paradise eventually become boring?
Hi, friend! You raise some very important questions.
My extremely strong opinion is that the heaven described in the bible, which I imagine from information I gather from its pages, will be anything but boring. My extreme challenge (as an author) is to attempt to convey that conviction convincingly to my readers.
Thanks so much for responding and asking these engaging questions. :D
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Without contrasting perfection to imperfection how would you describe it? How would the reader be able to understand the context? Could your main character have faint remembrances of the once imperfect dark world?
In other words, how would he know his needs are met if they weren't unmet at one time?
The love experienced in the last line shows that he's not really content with a satisfaction as in line 3. He wants more.
Hope that helps.
Hello, my friend, Thanks for stopping by!
This is definitely on the table. When scripture speaks of us forgetting the sorrow of this life, it can't possibly mean that in the literal extreme. Else, how would we know how to appreciate our LORD's sacrifice for us?
Right on, except I would dispute your comment "not really content." He actually is content, throughout--and I hope to convey this one day in the context of a story--but finds himself unexpectedly surprised by falling in love in a new way, and experiencing changes that transcend previous contentment.
Thanks, dear @countrygirl, for your very thoughtful and responsive comments! :D
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Well, I see your concern. There is something different in this sonnet when compared to the other two I've read so far. You'll see, sonnets are complete structures, with a full meaning; no doubt you had problems trying to make your proofreaders get your point. Perhaps the form choice was not ideal if you did not plan to put it all there, I mean including context. What do you think?
But if I had not read the backstory and other details, I would be just happy with it and say this about somebody who discovers his happiness before this newfound love was an illusion, and now this person is willing to take some risks. For me, it makes sense and has complete meaning. Even the volta is clear:
Nice write, @creatr!
Thanks so much for taking the time to consider this, and to offer such helpful feedback. :D