The Knighting of Two Star-Crossed Jaywalkers [Day 6]
Ancient wisdom
and power plants;
a dense menagerie
of amulets dangling,
cosmic hymns
tucked in drawers
no longer willing
to slide open.
The peppered moth
buries her face in ash,
dappled shadow of
industry and revolution,
ghost limbs clutching
what was left behind.
A triumph,
simplicity against
laws of evolution
or the about-face,
a geometric fear
of triangles circling
while we're too busy
standing still;
to notice
an inky black dot
crowning the 'i'
with a boot-throated
cold brass trumpet's
startling whimper,
"stand in the light..."
The day is on in front of me
and this must be enough.
Thumbs planting food
stamp extinction extending
in six perfectly straight
ley lines tying
civilization, activism
and apophenia.
Dotted path outlines
zone in parallel
rose blossoms blooming
spring across the skin;
windmill blades
splitting the sky,
an egg spilling yolk
across thirsty
throats;
sea weeping around
phlegm, sand wedges in
our throats, the depths
we choose not to dredge,
penchant for pearls.
Pews aligned,
just so,
the spilling of wine
onto a pillow, blood
for the faint
of heart, passes
around the bowl.
Spiderwebs
pulling marionette
legs onward, forward
mystery cadavers like
the never treads;
nettles strewn,
candy wrappers
around - not in
- a wastebin
labeled free,
needles pulled
through the eye
of a dehydrated
camel, and
a speech piercing
my side when
it's the nails
holding me
to this life.
Rest easy, Ian Johnstone, your legacy is writ in flowers
blooming every year in spite of our best efforts
to expose the moths of the world.
The jaywalkers are the you and the I,
past and future collapsing into the now
we never took the time to look both ways
before we stepped into knighthood.
Written for free-verse poetry maven @d-pend's revolutionary poetry initiative The 100 Day Poetry Challenge [Advanced Group] undertaken for Steemit School where @d-pend will be hosting a daily poetry show at 6 PM GMT.
@isleofwrite logo design by @PegasusPhysics
header photo base was taken by Ben Sale and is CC 2.0
You know, I'm not sure if I like "apophenia" more as a word than I like "synchronicity." The latter word has such a nice flow to it, almost like "syzygy", which has a related meaning, when you think of it.
Now, as to the poem, this is a classic example of "Alain writes two poems in one," the question is where the first poem ends. You can actually end it in one of a few different places, starting after the third stanza, and I've got to say it's a compact and strong little poem here. Less about a message and more about the hint of one. And that's fine.
But you can also end the first poem at any stanza afterwards, until you reach "Stand in the light." Though I do feel that the stanza starting with "a geometric fear" might be a bit much, and it's also very clear about the message, the message that keeps speaking through you, of loneliness amidst the crowds, of civilization drowning out the individual, of drowning, drowning, drowning.
I feel the second half of the poem, most definitely starts at "Thumbs planting food," and this piece is related to the theme you always return to, but I don't feel it's actually tied directly, and especially poetically to the first half. That litany of stanzas, litany of accusations, is good content (though each stanza might need a bit of a tightening in and of itself). Each of which could, and perhaps should, be the core of its own poems. The litany as a whole does roll off, inexorably, over the reader, washes them in the mood you wish to set. You could definitely also publish the list as its own poem. I do think the "Thumb-planting food" stanza is a bit weak though.
But I probably would split the two poems apart. They don't need one another.
Specific turns of phrase I quite liked:
Since my understanding of musical terms is lacking, what's "boot-throated"?
I love those words that transcend themselves with their sounds, not always onomatopoeia, but also they kind of are in their weight, you know? and yes, I'll have to ask my partner about the roots of syzygy and synchronicity because now I'm very curious.
Yes, my partner very much agrees with you on this one - I'll split it after this challenge when I go back to edit and put some final pieces together from all this craziness.
And agreed with the start of the second, though that stanza would be a weak start for a poem - will have to play around with that and slim it down as well, I think.
Wait, so what's "boot-throated"? :D
not musical (or an idiom), I would even say very intentionally so =-)p
This is such a neat piece! I love how you just weave stuff together and say "Wha-bam! Look at that!" It reminds me of early-ish lyrics from mewithoutYou.
I never listened to this band, but I know enough about them to know that this is high praise - thank you, mate!
Oh yeah, definitely high praise! They used to be my favorite! :D
Your poetry are hard topic, but I try to understand what the means. I believe, the advanced writer always be brave to writing about hard topic and always inspiring the new writer to be brave too. Thanks for your poetry.
By the way, I've been post for Day 6 of poetry challenge. Please give me feedback. Thank you so much.
Trust Yourself
https://steemit.com/smartphonephotography/@anggreklestari/bilingual-poetry-trust-yourself-day-6-100-days-of-poetry-challenge
always honored by your read and comments, @anggreklestari
Apophenia or not, it is those connections seen between seemingly unlike things that pushes our science and our perception forward. Sometimes it is curiosity and sometimes it is faith driving the discovery, but alway we are driven to discover and create. The jaywalker finds a new path.
Brilliant write, carmalain:)
What a wonderful poem, lift me to navigate the oceans. Thank you.
I enjoy this one with my ear: listen to heart of the singer.
Hardly wait for more 😊
What intricate and well placed metaphors. I like how they connected to each other
thank you kindly, my friend, both for the kind words and the read.
I really enjoyed reading this and i like how your poetry are somewhat complicated
LOVE! Nuff said! 💗
What a wonderful poem, lift me to navigate the oceans. Thank you.