Get to Heaven [Day 4]
I, hourglass mind
wait for time
to pass me by;
the jaybird
quiet perched,
dawn picking
lullabies from
her beak.
I, halo of cast light
pray for form
to grace my embrace;
the man who died
in his boat
weight of boots
pulling away
from mud.
I, mourner of perished days,
live in silence - live in bliss
- to be in this world,
but not of it.
maybe a small part of something larger... very rough, but it has hope has hope!, Written for free-verse poetry maven @d-pend's revolutionary poetry initiative The 100 Day Poetry Challenge [Advanced Group] undertaken for Steemit School where @d-pend will be hosting a daily poetry show at 6 PM GMT.
outliers collapsing into a pattern.
@isleofwrite logo design by @PegasusPhysics
header photo base is Thomas Girtin's 'The Old Bridge in Devon' and is public commons
Interesting piece! Very not you, in how it's relatively light in, not in theme, but in cadence, in the stress of the imagery.
You cheated in this piece though. I wondered how you'll do, writing relatively short, and relatively quickly. I told you you should give it a go. And here I see how you've done it - by cheating ;-)
I can see these disparate images, and I could tell how you long to make each its own mini-poem, and tie them all together.
I assume you meant that the jaybird, the dawn draws lullabies from her beak, but I prefer reading it as "dawn-picked," instead. I like the sound of it.
The first stanza is the one I naturally feel closest to, both in Acceptance, and then in my return to Acceptance which you've (hopefully) seen yesterday. The times, they are a-changing, they would have us believe. But only if we let them.
Only if we let them wash over us.
Rather than sticking our boots in the mud.
By the by, I thought that image was a bit loose, not fully formed. That'd be where I'd focus my attention on this piece, alongside the "I", in its second instance.
It seems I wrote this one in a glass house, Guy, so I'm glad you're the only one who knows me well enough to call me out on the fact that I will one day fill in the gaping holes in this piece (well, gaping in how I feel them, maybe not to others).
"Glass house," so many ways to take that. Sometimes it's important to write clearly and simply, friend Alain, such as in comment sections ;-)
It's possible I'm the only one rude enough to do so. Or the only one who assumes he knows you well enough to speak so familiarly.
And poetry is much about cheating. And cheating the rules too. So it's alright. But yes, you can't cheat yourself. Well, you can, but shouldn't.
There is a liminal aspect to this pondering that I quite like -- in the world, but not of it, yes, I fully embrace this idea and feeling, myself.
Of time and sinking, gravity and muck.
Short poems are a great practice to say much without being verbose! Carry on. :)
liminal might be the adjective I would most self-identify with, strangely enough. the line 'in the world, but not of it' is one I've had close to my heart for most of my life, which is strange considering how often my life and heart have both shifted during that time.
that this phrase should be so constant in my life might yet reveal it to be a universal truth in my life; but also might be setting me further up for the fall =-)p
thank you so much for the read and comment -
Like sands through the hourglass, so are the days of our lives. Another great piece of literary work my friend, I'm way too busy as usual and behind on catching up with all my favourite steem peeps - but I'm with you in spirit if nothing else. Stay awesome.
#thealliance
You and I both - not just due to the daily writing toll, but also helping to run and support this event across Steem (and especially the Alliance members doing it), woof, it's been a big one - 90 more days to develop better efficiencies, haha ^_^
Ok, I'm a fan :)
👍
A feeling fine write, carmalain. I give it couple reads. Some really fine energy:)
You are slaying it as always :)
You are one of my idols in poetry :D
Simply amazing. Deeper than I could ever imagine to create!
and in the shallow end, too!
thank you thank you
I absolutely love this - the word choic, the imagery. just wow! you gained a new fan/follower today! 🙏✌
Thank you thank you, honored <3
you're welcome!