You are viewing a single comment's thread from:

RE: Get to Heaven [Day 4]

in #poetry7 years ago (edited)

Interesting piece! Very not you, in how it's relatively light in, not in theme, but in cadence, in the stress of the imagery.

You cheated in this piece though. I wondered how you'll do, writing relatively short, and relatively quickly. I told you you should give it a go. And here I see how you've done it - by cheating ;-)

I can see these disparate images, and I could tell how you long to make each its own mini-poem, and tie them all together.

I assume you meant that the jaybird, the dawn draws lullabies from her beak, but I prefer reading it as "dawn-picked," instead. I like the sound of it.

The first stanza is the one I naturally feel closest to, both in Acceptance, and then in my return to Acceptance which you've (hopefully) seen yesterday. The times, they are a-changing, they would have us believe. But only if we let them.
Only if we let them wash over us.
Rather than sticking our boots in the mud.

By the by, I thought that image was a bit loose, not fully formed. That'd be where I'd focus my attention on this piece, alongside the "I", in its second instance.

Sort:  

It seems I wrote this one in a glass house, Guy, so I'm glad you're the only one who knows me well enough to call me out on the fact that I will one day fill in the gaping holes in this piece (well, gaping in how I feel them, maybe not to others).

"Glass house," so many ways to take that. Sometimes it's important to write clearly and simply, friend Alain, such as in comment sections ;-)

It's possible I'm the only one rude enough to do so. Or the only one who assumes he knows you well enough to speak so familiarly.

And poetry is much about cheating. And cheating the rules too. So it's alright. But yes, you can't cheat yourself. Well, you can, but shouldn't.

Coin Marketplace

STEEM 0.18
TRX 0.16
JST 0.030
BTC 68244.61
ETH 2640.30
USDT 1.00
SBD 2.69