MY Poems #11🌸 Arrogant!
"The most painful falling in the world
Is a time when we go too high
higher than others
Even higher than ourselves
And exactly when we think we are soaring in the sky
The ground takes it's revenge !!"
Written by
"Neda Qasemkhani" @angela.ghkh
[ This poem is about an arrogant person or who is so pride with himself / herself ... who thinks he/she locate at the higher level and thinks he/she know every thing !! , It maybe occur for all of us ,too !! even at the short of the time in our life ... ]
#FreeVerse #Haiku #Periske #persian #persian-poetry #angela-Poems
دردناک ترین سقوط های دنیا
زمانی است
که زیادی بالا می رویم
یا بالاتر از دیگران
یا بالاتر از خودمان
و درست در همان لحظه
که خیال می کنیم در اوج آسمانیم
زمین انتقامش را می گیرد
"ندا قاسم خانی"
سبک شعری#پریسکه#هایکو
©2017 Neda Qasemkhani All rights reserved
This post is part of a series on My Poems in persian that I translate them into English... Feel free to check out some of my other recent posts:
https://steemit.com/budget/@angela.ghkh/my-poems-9-differences
https://steemit.com/poetry/@angela.ghkh/my-poems-8-the-moments-of-mine
https://steemit.com/budget/@angela.ghkh/my-poems-10-the-world-without-you
https://steemit.com/photography/@angela.ghkh/my-shots-12-the-sunset
You Can See here :
@angela.ghkh,
Thank you for writing this lovely poem. I'm amazed at how you command two languages. Did you write this in Farsi first? or is that Arabic? I feel like the english is a translation; which would explain some of the odd phrasing. Though I was easily able to understand the gist of what you were saying; I very much enjoyed your poem.
Please take this explication with all the affectionate hope that it helps your future writing.
When I read this the fifth time, I feel like it is quick, effective, and done well. The ending still pleases me every time! I love the finish where the you write, "the ground takes revenge!" I especially like it because "revenge" implies that arrogance is an affront to the very land itself.
Is there a way you can keep the brevity, keep the speed of the poem but make the climb more specific? more image laden? Is it possible to make the "when you're high" portion of the poem more specific image-ish? Like "when you're standing on the 52nd floor laughing at the weary," or something of your own? I worry that "higher than others," and "higher than ourselves" is too vague and obscure.
I'm not certain on your familiarity regarding cliche's. "to the moon" is often overused. Perhaps consider something else.
In closing, I really can't express how pleasing and fun your poem is. I very much enjoy it; enjoy the feeling the last line gives, so playful and exclaiming. Thank you again for sharing this! I can't wait to see a revision if it comes.
The poem is written in Persian
And so there are problems in translation
But the big difference is possible , cause of differences in cultures,Differences in thoughts.
So
You may not really understand something or part of it
But you will understand the whole
As far as I could have changed the vocabulary
To prevent damage to the original poem
at the end..
Thank you very much for your beautiful and useful comment
And I'm glad you enjoyed my poetry
I think you'd better write your poems in English from the scratch...you know?
I think it'll make more sense for yourself while writing...and this way you avoid misunderstandings... I think in some cases, English is more sophisticated to use for a short poem or writing...
I really need you to check my two poems and write your opinions... It'll be appreciated...Thanks...
surly ... thanks
It's always hard for an arrogant person to rise again after such fall. Hands won't be stretched towards him to rise easily.
yaeh, true
and the most powerful of times is humbleness because it will take youplace
thanks , thats also true
I do side with you ...its painful because you laboured to get to the top and all u have is just going to fall and drift apart??? Huh?...nice poem my dear and arrogant people also fall easily because they need no ones. Advice or corrections
great point ! thanks for commenting !!
@angela.ghkh, This is really deep. When such falls occur, it happens hard and most times the victim finds it so hard to find back his feet. But as rightly once said by a greatman, The true test of a man by how well he rises after a fall. Good poetry.
thanks dear
great poem and have great knowledge and great emotions are with the it in ur people u have said that a person may gooo upper than the sky but he should be down to earth cause if he didnt he will fall from that height and that might hurts alot
thanks!
pleasure
you have great choice in poetry loved it
thanks
و این غرور ماست که زمینمان میزند
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