Happy Mother's day! Here is my first Haiku
I have never wrote a Haiku before, so I relied on nature for inspiration. The trees....the leaves....and the cool breeze. This is what I came up with:
A restless child
Clinging onto its mother
Comfort by the wind
Believe it or not, there are a lot of hidden messages within those few lines.
Going off topic, I also want to apologize for being inactive. I am currently in the middle of finals. I hope everyone is doing well and may your hard work contributes to your success.
I like your lines though they break with the haiku standard. It works
I didn't even realize they break the haiku standard lol. In my head, "child" is 2 syllables because of the way I use it. You're right. Maybe it should have been:
The restless children
clinging onto their mother
comfort by the wind
5/7/5
What do you think?
lol - sister/brother I find it hard to confine myself to meter. I do think it adds to the poem when we can stick to it though. Haiku isn't something I have tried myself actually. I just see it all over here and previously on twitter. A while ago, I looked into it so when I saw your poem, I was looking to test my understanding of the definition 'haiku'.
in all honesty, I wouldn't tamper with a poem that already works but if you must (i get that way myself sometimes) it would be 5, 7, 5 ..
but when you move away from that singular child, it becomes different altogether.. somehow the power of that metaphor is diminished..
The last line grammatically ought to be comforted by the wind, so a small rearrangement like this will be correct without citing poetic licence unnecessarily ;-) and it still conveys your meaning I think. Not sure what you think.
As I said, it works - it ain't broke. I tried many times to use the sonnet structure, and failed to get a rhyme. The meter I can do - but I fear it strays from my initial ideas. It's hard, right?
I am considering collaborating in the #poetsunited project. If you like, take a look at my latest post and join me there in the discord? We can learn a lot from others in a collective.
Since the poem is restricted by the lack of details, my other intent is to have the readers come up with their own interpretation and use their imagination.
Brilliant! I love it!!! I'm not much of a poet, but I've always been inspired by them.
You're right. If i were to change it, the message would change as well. The word child was meant to be gender-less, so anyone can relate to it. Clinging onto its mother is in reference to the leaves clinging onto the branches of the trees. The line "comfort" by the wind was meant to have two different meanings. One is positive and one is negative. On one hand, the mother is holding onto her children. The wind is not a threat but rather a comfort. On the other hand, the leaves that fell are abandoned by their mother. The only comfort is the wind. Again, I'm not a poet but it was my original intent
I think the mark of a poet is that she honors her readers with the latitude to make their own interpretations. It's for that reason that I dislike overuse of tools like repetitions of words, or other forms of emphasis and oh the cliche's - cliches leave no room for interpretation at all. It is the stuff of greeting cards. you lines leave a alot to our imagination. i have to thank you for sharing your explanation here.
When I first read your poem, i certainly came to the conclusion the use of the word child was intended to give human qualities to the inanimate plant shoot or seedling or leaf as you described it. I wasn't sure about the wind metaphor but now that you explain it, it makes more sense the way you wrote it - whereas my suggestion of that last line doesn't do your idea justice. Have a great week and I hope to read more of your writing soon.
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