Self
First time I became aware of how I looked was when I was about six or seven. I don’t recall the exact words said over my shoulder, looking to color photo of me holding a kitten, but it was along the lines - look at that round, chubby thing. Needless to say, it was not meant for the kitten. I was constantly compared with my naturally skinny cousin. There was nothing wrong with me, just a different body type. I wish someone had told me that I was healthy and people are idiots.
Instead I grew up insecure about my self-image. Looking in the mirror, looking at the photos and picking apart every flaw I imagined I had. It was not the people anymore, it was now myself judging, ridiculing and being the cruelest of them all.
People’s opinions don’t matter. Especially when it comes to you and to your life. It is yours and yours alone. You are responsible for your own experience and internal dialogue. You should never compare yourself with others, but look for yourself and take care of yourself. No one else will.
Song of the day: Digital Daggers - Still Here
My grandmother used to compare me to my cousin when I was younger. She was very direct when she’d tell me that if my cousin was thinner and had clear skin then she’d be prettier than me.
You’re beautiful and I agree with you, we must take care of ourselves.
IF being the operative word here I think @vermillionfox ...She wasn't thinner and didn't have clearer skin or your grandmother would have been saying it in the first place. [She should not have been saying it anyway]
Being comfortable and at peace with oneself is the first step towards being at peace with life in general. But isn't it amazing how those we love, those closest to us, can do such emotional damage? @m31, we live in narcissistic world in which people hold themselves out there [like on Instagram and Facebook] for various reasons, but probably mainly for a feeling of validation. We are taught from a young age that this sort of behaviour is acceptable...And then we get upset when people judge us and say things we don't like...
We attach stories from our past, or things people say, to our lives and allow them to rule or dictate current thought and future behaviour or even justify certain emotions and feelings when in actual fact they are simply things someone said. We have the power within ourselves to allow, or disallow, these things to affect us. Difficult as a child though, I'll admit.
Where does it stem from though? If they were empowered since childhood instead of planted doubt in their minds I think people would grow up much stronger individuals. It pisses me off that some adults think oh kids don't get it, they don't understand. Their understanding is developing. They disregard it completely and potentially mess up their own kid for life.
I agree, everyone should learn how to not to allow things affect us.
I agree completely. Parents have a way of assisting their kids to develop many bad habits; Insecurity and the fear of failure among them. Children are told to colour inside the lines and to speak when they are spoken to. Later as adults is colouring [read thinking] within the lines innovative and conducive to growth, development and invention? No. Is sitting in the corner and only speaking when spoken to promoting freedom of speech, thought and opinion? No.
Children are told, don't do this, don't do that, do this and do that and sometimes it's warranted however every time that happens a little more of the wonder of discovery and learning is lost. Then they go to school and are told to do things a specific way further stifling their creative and free spirits. Is it any wonder children grow up with insecurity, fear of being different to the other children and fear of failing which in an adult often translates to not attempting a thing for fear of not being good at it...Hmm...
So, I was brought up in a small country town in the 1970's. From the age of 4 and half when I went to school I was picked on and called many things. Blackie, nigger, spear chucker, coon, wog,... You know, the old faithfuls...I went home crying every day too. It wasn't pleasant. I had a terrible school life right into high school to be honest. However at home I was none of those things. I was a loved and cherished son. I was nurtured and cared for and allowed to explore, to create, to get things wrong and learn from it. I had a great childhood and am happy to have had the parents I did. It was also a reason I turned to books...They never judged me for being the wrong colour.
Now, as an adult? I don't allow those things to define my life, my childhood. They were just things that happened. They are not why I fail at a thing, or succeed. They were just things that happened. Not attaching those stories to one's life is very important in my opinion.
People can be beautiful or ugly, kind or hurtful in equal measure, but they are always people. We cannot make a person act a certain way. But we can make sure we act in the best way possible, as individuals. We can strive to be the best version of ourselves as often as possible.
Oh, yes, sometimes parents have a lot to answer for in the upbringing of their children. I agree with you for sure @m31.
Thank you @galenkp for writing this. My surroundings weren't that harsh in school but still harsh enough. Yes, as a child it was difficult but now I've digested everything and I'm okay with it. I'm not sure if it made me any stronger or anything but I would like to consider that it made me a better person, more emphatic I guess.
You were lucky that you had a lovely family. My family was very loving and caring too but maybe a little bit too strict, which I don't appreciate very much. Yes, it kept me out of troubles but on the other hand, it was a bit difficult to learn how to color outside the lines and dare to do things. I progressed quite well though! My character helps me, deep in my heart I'm an explorer.
A nice reply @lindiry and great to hear you rose above the adversity in your life and better to hear that you're an explorer. Seeking knowledge, understanding, wisdom, and simply something different expands ones paradigm, provokes thought, and therefore...More exploring. The circle of life? Maybe.
Everyone has a story, mine is maybe different to yours but the end product is the same it seems. We are better people, more...well-rounded possibly.
Thank you @vermillionfox!
Sometimes it surprising how much crueler can be those that are close to us and supposed to be our support system. Then again maybe in their own minds they are not very kind to themselves either.
Letting go of perfection is where the perfection begins. Our small idiosyncratic flaws are actually what makes us lovable. That said, you do look perfect.
Thank you @lifenbeauty!
Agreed. I believe even if we could look/be exactly like we preferred and imagined the perfection looked like, we would never be satisfied.
The unnecessary body shaming from those you need support can awry your self-image for a long time. I'm happy you find your way out from the prison of your own mind :)
It's been a long journey to come to this point. I am trying to be kind to myself. I still fail sometimes, but I catch it much faster now. The most important question I ask myself - I'm I healthy? Both, mind and body. If my head is not right, I can't say I am completely healthy even if my body is in perfect health.
I couldn’t agree more! Balance is everything, with body and mind.
Oh well, people still ask me if I have a broken nose... 😅
Oh no!! Why?? What do you answer them?
Because depending on the light it can look a little blue sometimes.
So the usual answer is: “means it’s going to rain soon. Did you bring an umbrella?”
Good answer! :)
You have said it all.. we are the worst when judging ourselves. The worst of the wors is the fact that most of the judging comes as a result of other people flows. Those critics are not even ours, but we feel them so much that we make them ours. I wish you could be able to see yourself with someone else' eyes. You would be so surprised! ❤❤❤
Thank you @supernoval! ^^
I wish that was possible. To see what someone else sees/feels. If superpowers were real, that one would be mine, but all we have is our own perception and things we allow to affect us.
Sensei demonstrates beauty in many more ways than just the appearance. I didn't always have the best confidence in myself either. Started improving right about the time I realized I was just really black, and honestly accepted it.
Thank you Kizzy! :)
Accepting yourself is very important step, otherwise everything turns into massive battle and end up hurting every way possible.
Stunning! ^^ I absolutely love the pictures - they capture, what I used to try to capture years ago with a silly phone and failed because you'd move too quickly + I wasn't good at taking photos. xD I remember I'd always get frustrated that I can't make the photos see you as I see you. :D
Such true words. I was called 'potato' by my classmates in school and have looked at myself as fat for a very long time until I learnt to really embrace my body. You are possibly the person who's hardest on yourself.
Also, you look gorgeous. I feel like these are things that are not acceptable to say or are simply not said. But imagine how much nicer a world it would be if these words were actually said out loud.
totally agree. adults oftentimes say cruel things to children that scar them for life. btw, you're absolutely beautiful and you carry the inner presence now of someone who loves themselves (and that makes the beauty even deeper) -- outer affirmation only goes so far.... <3
Thank you @mountainjewel!
That is one of the things I would fear if I would ever have children. That somehow I would scar them for life by not paying enough attention or overlooking something.
i think that is a very natural fear and probably likely to happen in some way! i feel like we come into the families we do to work out very specific karma and, in order to better understand ourselves and the world, those circumstances, the lessons we learn, the people we're involved with on that family level... reach into us in a different way.. at least, that's how i look at it. it's painful and sometimes they hurt us so deeply... it's our role as growing humans to heal ourselves and not pass on that karma...
First - You are beautiful.
Second - I listened to "Still Here" and "Feel Like Falling" (also by Digital Daggers) and now I'm on "Bad Intentions" ... Yet another addition to my spotify, thanks. I feel like I should give something back, lol...:
Go listen to "Nightcall" by Kavinsky ;)
I can relate - I was teased for being skinny (I'm 194cm and weigh only 68 kilograms). That, and being a nerd, made many of my school years hell. I learnt quickly to do exactly as you say... Not care about their opinions/cruelty.
Speaking of inner dialogue... Do you ever feel tired of being you? ... Sometimes I do... I am Jody, and can only ever be Jody. Trapped in this body, with this mind. So many paradigms that I'll never quite get because my brain is slowly becoming less and less elastic.
And the other half of the time, I have the opposite problem... I feel annoyed that I'll have to die soon. I'm 33... I have another 50-60 years max. There's too much I want to do... And damn, do I want to see what the far future is going to look like!
Thank you @mandelsage!
I am glad you enjoyed Digital Daggers. Kavinsky - Nightcall is lovely too. Had heard it before. ^^
Not really tired, but keep wondering how it would be to be someone else.
Would you want to live forever? I recently watched show called Altered Carbon. They had very interesting perspective about this. Can recommend.
lol, of course you'd already heard it! ... I'll have to go through my list to find some of my more obscure favourites.
Yeah... I've had the same question since childhood. I remember being 8 or 9, waiting for the school bus to come and watching people across the street who'd sometimes look at me, and I'd wonder what their thoughts were at that moment how it was to be them.
Aha... My turn to say, I've already done something...! I've seen Altered Carbon ;) ... I loved the series because it showed how extended life (and possible immortality) could really be achieved and the problems that it might cause.
Still, yes, I would like to. And I've given it a lot of thought. Or at least, I'd like to be able to choose for myself when I die.