LOOP

in #photoflashfiction6 years ago (edited)

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"No!" I said breathlessly because the sun was minutes away from rising. I picked up the speed but for miles and miles all I passed were scores and scores of vegetation.

I damned my fate and the royal asses that put me on the path of my imminent death. They'd sure like that, won't they? My death will mean an end to all my intrusive questions- questions I deserve to have answered.

The first rays of sunlight penetrated through the leaves. I clenched my jaws to stop the scream welling in my throat as my skin began to sear.

Then I heard human voices. They were not too far off.

I finally came to a clearing in the woods. There was a quaint house right there in the middle. It sure was reminiscent of the one I grew up in.

I made it to the front door just in time to avoid getting singed by the sun which was quickly rising above the roof.

"Ma, I think someone is at the door."

"Yes. Who is it?" I could hear her footsteps approach the door. "Who is it?" She asked again in a good natured way, making me wonder why the Royal Six had a red contract on her head.

Even if the human had discovered the well hidden secrets of vampirism, it made more sense to put out a green contract for her. One good frightening and she will be spending the rest of her life in a mental home.

She unlocked the door and peered to see who it was at her door. I grabbed her by the hair and pulled her out of her house.

"Georgina, run!"

It was noble that she thought of her daughter's safety when she was only seconds away from death. Truly noble.

Her neck had been quite easy to break now, just as the letter had promised, I could get my answer from those royal dicks who always did favours at a fee.

Just then, a black haired child ran out of the house. Chills immediately run down my spine. She squatted on the floor and shook her mother. When her mother did not move she looked up at me. I knew exactly what she was going to ask.

"What did you do to my mum?"

I stood, rooted there in shock. The eyes staring back at me were mine. The tears that fell down her face were mine. And the heart that was breaking was also mine.

Just then darkness started to engulf me. A sort of distance, not measured in metres, was put between me and my younger self.


"She should be up by now. She usually is."

I know that voice. She is in my face, I can tell. So I grab her neck even before I open my eyes. I will break it like they made me break my mother's neck.

I see her roll her eyes as she effortlessly tears my hands from her neck.

"Must we do this everytime you come out of the loop?" She throws my hands away from her. The other royals are there too, peering down at me with some sort of expectation. I sit up in bed as so many thoughts rush into my head at once, the primary thought being to kill them all.

"Did you go into another loop like we asked?" Charles, the eldest asks.

I turn my burning gaze to his. "You made me kill my mother!"

"Really Georgina? Every time?" Charlotte threw her hands in the air.

"We didn't do it." Carl says simply like it's all supposed to click because he had said so.

"And the sooner you understand the reach of your gifts the sooner we'll all find out who made you do this." that's Carly, being smug as usual.

"If I can go back in time then maybe I can change things."

"Dear, dear, dear. Don't you know?" Christian, the one who turned me mocks, "Qui cera, cera."

"And there is always a price to pay for such rare gifts." Christina is back in my face. "Now!" She nudges me back into the bed. "There is a lot we don't understand about your gifts. So, why don't we start by finding that motherfucker who sent you the letter with our fucking seal."

They are right and even if they aren't there's little I can do about it. They always get what they want.

I close my eyes and will myself anywhere but that godforsaken forest. Yet there I am again, on a mission to kill for answers I already have.


Thank you @TraciYork for doing this #photoflashfiction thingy. I hope at the end of the month I get much better at my craft. So thanks again. To you, dear reader, I hope you enjoyed this. Please share your thoughts on it with me. I will love that very much.

xoxo





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This post is sponsored by @appreciator in collaboration with #steemitbloggers. Keep up the good work

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This is superb! Enjoyed reading it, @ronyxoxo! :)

that's any writer's hope. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

congratz on winning appreciator vote buddy nice post

I am glad you think so.

AMAZING result, @ronyxoxo! Excellent twist ending, and a super imaginative plot - definitely enjoyed this. Well done!

Thank you @TraciYork. :)
Any critiques you think I should work on?

A couple of things I'd suggest - put something (extra spaces, a ---------------, or such) in as a break between the loop and the awakening, and try reading this out loud. There are few sentences that sound a bit awkward, and could use a little bit of tweaking. That's all that came to mind at the moment. 😊

Thanks. And I agree. I have had to edit this many times. Well, I guess that is why we are doing this... perfecting the craft with practice.

Exactly. And in the grand scheme of things, those are small improvements. Your pacing, your dialog, your action balanced with dialog - all of those worked very well. I think fine-tuning a piece like this is actually fun. 😊

This post has received a 4.48% upvote from @msp-bidbot thanks to: @mvrr007. Delegate SP to this public bot and get paid daily: 50SP, 100SP, 250SP, 500SP, 1000SP, 5000SP Don't delegate so much that you have less than 50SP left on your account.

Ooooh! This is SO intense! I was really drawn in and felt like my heart was beating out of my chest as I tried to read faster... holy beans. Great post!

@byn

thank you @byn. This makes me very happy.

I enjoy stories related to vampires so yeah, I really enjoyed this spot especially because you wrote it so well. Look out for this one in my latest curation post. :)

I haven't been a fan of vampire fiction lately but this held me to the edge of my seat and make like the genre again.

Thank you @maverickinvictus. I am very glad that my story was able to have that effect on you. Hope you stay tuned for more.

Some awesome writing! Keep it up, would love to see more!

I think I am putting off writing more because it might not be as good as this one. Haha. Can't wait to move on from this feeling.

I know that place, I've been there too... just keep going!

interesting story there. :3

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