A couple of things I'd suggest - put something (extra spaces, a ---------------, or such) in as a break between the loop and the awakening, and try reading this out loud. There are few sentences that sound a bit awkward, and could use a little bit of tweaking. That's all that came to mind at the moment. 😊
Exactly. And in the grand scheme of things, those are small improvements. Your pacing, your dialog, your action balanced with dialog - all of those worked very well. I think fine-tuning a piece like this is actually fun. 😊
Thank you @TraciYork. :)
Any critiques you think I should work on?
A couple of things I'd suggest - put something (extra spaces, a ---------------, or such) in as a break between the loop and the awakening, and try reading this out loud. There are few sentences that sound a bit awkward, and could use a little bit of tweaking. That's all that came to mind at the moment. 😊
Thanks. And I agree. I have had to edit this many times. Well, I guess that is why we are doing this... perfecting the craft with practice.
Exactly. And in the grand scheme of things, those are small improvements. Your pacing, your dialog, your action balanced with dialog - all of those worked very well. I think fine-tuning a piece like this is actually fun. 😊