* the wound of a betrayal *
Betrayal is one of the most painful experiences we can experience. It does not matter if it is a couple, friends or a family member. Whenever our confidence breaks down, a wound opens that takes time to heal and even sometimes does not heal. Of course, this wound is greater when the betrayer is someone we trust.
However, not all disappointments can be classified as treason. In reality, all human beings fail others at some time. There are situations in which we are not able to live up to the circumstances and end up causing a disappointment to those we love.
"More treacheries are committed out of weakness than for a firm purpose of betrayal."
-François de La Rochefoucauld-
However, the betrayal that hurts and that marks is that which is carried out deliberately. In full awareness and for purely selfish reasons. The one that comes from who has assured us something and at the moment of truth behaves in a different way, being aware that he is missing his word.
The different types of betrayal
There are different types of betrayal. From the betrayal to oneself, to that which is the fruit of a plot hatched and patiently carried out against another. When we talk about this topic, we usually think of loving treachery. However, this is not the only one that exists.
All forms of betrayal have two aspects in common: the break with something established, implicitly or explicitly, previously, on the one hand. And the defraudation of trust for the other.
The agreements and expectations, the illusions and the promises are betrayed. Betrays with words and acts.
Who is betrayed tastes the bitterest taste of deceit. He feels mocked and minimized. Your feelings, thoughts and expectations have been overlooked. It was converted into an object within the purposes of another. That is, it was reified and used for something I was not aware of. That is why the betrayal is so painful and leaves such a strong mark.
Overcome a betrayal
The most damaging effect of a betrayal is to leave a deep trace of distrust in those who were disappointed, since this can begin to distrust the whole world, the result of lived experience. That meeting with the double face of another person is a long-range impact that, in general, does not heal alone. Hence, it is important to find a way to overcome the betrayal. These are some keys to achieve it:
- Evaluate the situation. It is important to clarify the circumstances in which the betrayal occurred. Above all, carefully examine whether there was a deliberate intention to defraud or not. Intentions do count.
- Do not blame yourself Even if the betrayed is the victim, he often falls into the temptation of reproaching himself for what happened. To flagellate himself, repeating over and over how foolish he was. The responsibility that belongs to another should not be assumed. And, above all, it is important to be good to yourself.
- Accept what happened. Sometimes it also falls into denial or renegation for what happened. This does not let advance. The best thing is to accept what happened and examine if there is a solution for what happened or not.
- Give yourself time Betrayal leaves waste feelings many times. It is good to take time for the initial impact to give way to a more lucid vision of what happened.
- Make a balance. All human beings fail at some time. Do not forget this. Hard as it is, it is important to make a balance between what that person has contributed to our lives and the real weight of their betrayal.
- Find the path of forgiveness. Forgiving does not mean accepting what happened without consequences. Nor do as if nothing had happened. Rather it is about reconciling with oneself and learning to leave behind what happened.
Although betrayal is a bitter drink, it does not always have to give rise to a trauma that lasts for a lifetime. The first obligation of the one who is betrayed is to try to recover the balance to move forward. What should be avoided is that the mistake of another becomes the seal that marks the rest of our life.
