Affective lack, when we lack emotional nutrients
Affective deprivation generates emotional hunger and leaves a mark on our brain. The lack of a solid bond and a healthy attachment imprints a permanent feeling of absence and emptiness. In addition, it impacts on the personality of the child and profiles in the adult an almost constant fear: the fear that they will fail emotionally, the anguish to be abandoned again and again.
Most of us have read and heard that the human being is, above all, a social creature. Well, from a psychological, even biological point of view, it is necessary to go much further: people are emotions. Those drives, those internal dynamics orchestrated by neurotransmitter complexes, hormones and various brain structures make up what we are and what we need.
"The deepest principle of human character is the longing to be appreciated."
-William James-
Affection, as well as bonds based on a secure and healthy attachment imprint in our mind an almost perfect balance. Now, any lack, any emptiness or emotional dissonance instantly awakens our instinctive alarms. It is well known by that newborn who does not receive the warmth of a skin that fits his own to confer security and protection. The baby knows that it is not attended to when it cries and the child knows that it feels alone in front of its fears, to which nobody welcomes, attends or listens.
Affective deprivation is a form of involution and generates deficits if it appears especially at early ages. Also, this emotional vacuum also leaves "injuries" in maturity, when we build relationships of couple inhabited by affective coldness, inattention or disinterest.
Anatomy of emotional deprivation
With the fall of Nicolae Ceausescu's communism in Romania (1989), there was the unfortunate opportunity to understand in greater depth the impact and the anatomy of affective deprivation in the human being. What was discovered in those years was as decisive as it was shocking. The situation of those orphaned children was extremely serious. However, what was truly dramatic was not malnutrition or abandonment, it was, above all, affective neglect.
The Harvard Medical School permanently monitored the evolution of those children. They wanted to know how a baby or a child who had just enjoyed contact with an adult would mature and develop. They had before them creatures that had stopped crying from very early ages because they understood that nobody was going to assist them. Those empty and absent glances had grown in an emotionally sterile environment, and the aftermath would be immense.
- It was possible to see that children - who suffer from a permanent affective lack during the first 3 years of life - suffer from physical growth retardation despite receiving adequate nutrition.
- The development of the brain was slow. Something that could be seen is that neurological maturation is related to the level of affection that the child receives. Thus, factors such as genes, the environment, access to a caregiver and a secure bond of attachment, as well as adequate nutrition, sensory stimulation and linguistic contributions are key for optimal brain development.
- Language disorders, speech problems and poor vocabulary also appeared.
- Likewise, it could also be seen that on average, those children did not develop the necessary skills to build healthy relationships. They always showed low self-esteem, lack of confidence, emotional management problems, hyperactivity, challenging behaviors and aggression.
The research carried out once again demonstrated the importance of attachment in the evolutionary development of children. Having one or several reference figures able to organize our emotional experience, to nourish ourselves and meet needs, generates in our mind a safe haven, solid foundations on which to settle our personality.
Tin men and women looking for their hearts
We all remember the Tin Man character in the Wizard of Oz. I was looking for a heart, I was looking for that inner strength that would allow me to recover my sensibility, the opportunity to love, to be moved by things. I was looking for maybe, what I had never received. He wanted to be able to connect with his emotional universe ... to be human again, to put aside that tin-skin that until now had served as a defensive barrier.
Somehow, too, many of us move through our adult worlds wrapped in that tin disguise trying to show some independence, reserve and even coldness. Because those who suffered affective malnutrition often say to themselves that it is better to distrust, that you should not have any illusions. They devalue relationships for fear of being hurt again until little by little, they stop asking for emotional support and even offer it.
Affective lack leaves very deep consequences. It is that void that a child does not know how to name, a psychological wound that can not be translated into words, but that remains imprinted for life in the conscience. It is also that devouring nostalgia of those who do not receive the emotional reinforcement of the couple and little by little it withers until the conclusion comes: often solitude is preferable to that emotional void.
Let us not neglect therefore this vital nutrient. Let us think that affection is never superfluous, that emotional caresses humanize us, make us grow, strengthen us. Let us therefore be brave suppliers of this energy that grows when it is shared.
