Lies, Lies, Lies....What's Up With All Those Lies?
Lying has come to be a very common part of the human existence. People lie so much they don’t even know they are doing it.
This is the first thing that comes up on a google search for “How many times a day do people lie?”:
We are told roughly around 200 lies per day. * On average, we lie 3 times per every 10 min of conversation, 60% have a hard time without lying at least once. Most lies are harmless white lies like "Nice haircut" or "Yeah, all is good!".
So why have we become such good liars, even though we often times are unaware we are doing it? Here are a few things that immediately come to mind:
- Children lie to their parents because they often get in trouble for telling the truth. Often parents will punish children for being honest when what the child has to share is not what the parents believe is “appropriate” or “correct”, or simply not what they want to hear. Children quickly learn that telling the truth has negative consequences, and that they can avoid such conflict if they just keep the truth to themselves.
- People learn to lie to themselves by being obligated to do things they do not want to do. Nearly from the time they are born they are involved in carrying out the ideals and pathways that others have chosen for them. When people do not have the power to follow their own bliss, they learn to suck it up and do the best they can with what they believe they have. Often a lifetime of self-deception will lead to a “mid-life crisis”, being fed up with pretending to be fulfilled and finally giving in to expressing their true desires. The elderly will often remark about having spent their lives on things that truly didn’t even matter to them at all.
- As a society we have great importance on being polite. (i.e., the expression - “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all!”) As a matter of fact, being kind and polite is honored way more than being real or truthful. People are not accustomed to being real, so defenses are raised high when truth is acknowledged. Instead, validation comes when one behaves in ways that are acceptable to others, so there are plenty of excuses for engaging in this kind of deception:
- Telling someone what they want to hear so we don’t hurt their feelings.
- Handing out a contrived compliment to avoid awkward moments or to boost someone else’s ego so they can feel better about themselves and so we can feel better for helping them feel better.
- We ourselves are sensitive to creating any conflict that telling the truth might bring.
- Programming of automatic responses has been going on for generations. We may engage without truly caring or simply without thinking about what we’re saying at all.
- We may end up exposing our inner dysfunctions and unsavory self if we are real.
If we are to have deep and meaningful relationships, we must learn to be ourselves and speak our own truth. We must be committed to being honest and to relationships where honesty is valued. For if we can’t truly be ourselves with those we love, they will never be able to love us for who we are, only who we portray ourselves to be.
Conscious communication takes a great deal of dedication. Overcoming the preconceived ideas of how we are to be, and standing in the discomfort that may come with honesty can be very intimidating. But lying is like a sickness. Not holding true to the self has grave consequences in our relationships with others, and especially with ourselves.
Here are a few suggestions on how to be more real, which will make you feel more free, and open the door to loving yourself more:
- First, recognize what is truth and what is not.
- Second, acknowledge on a deep level when, how, in what ways, where and why we are being dishonest.
- Third, be dedicated to making change.
- Fourth, be honest not only in the small things, but especially when it is the hardest.
- Fifth, find someone with whom you can truly be yourself. In my experience very few people are really ready to hear or speak the truth.
I am blessed that at the @gardenofeden we are dedicated to truth. It gets really uncomfortable at times to be real as it can be difficult to tell someone you love how you really feel. Feelings that go unchecked or held on to will eventually surface, and the ramifications of time living the deceit will be seen. Gratefully I live in conscious community where we explore this on a daily basis and make it a priority to be vulnerable, raw and real, and hold space for each other’s evolution.
To have true honor one must be true to their soul path. They must do the “right” thing that truly, deep down, feels like the highest vibration, not the “right” thing according to what others deem appropriate. One must hold themselves accountable to the most benevolent thoughts and actions one can possibly embody.
Are you capable of telling the truth?
Are you capable of hearing it?
If you're so inspired, challenge yourself for even just one day to examine your thoughts, your expressions, your words and actions, and see what comes up for you?
Years ago I read the book “Radical Honesty” by Brad Blanton. It had a huge impact on me and I highly recommend it to anyone wishing to delve into facing the possibilities.
Fantastic post @everlove. An amazing insight into an uncomfortable part of the human experience!
Thank you for sharing this!
You're welcome @tonyr. It's really amazing how uncomfortable we have become in our own skins. We hide from ourselves so much, it's no wonder wonder these issues are uncomfortable to look at. We can let go of all the facades , let down our guards, allow our true selves to be seen, acknowledge our fears and judgments. Holding oneself accountable to honesty is stepping naked into the unknown could be the best thing that ever happened. As one never know what will transpire when one has chosen to be real.
I appreciate the acknowledgement and your comment. Grateful to have you here.
In a world where our natural instincts and habitats have been corrupted to such a degree I think it is a very difficult thing to be 100 percent honest with ourselves but at least some of us recognise these things and are trying hard to head in the right direction.
Thank you and you are welcome also.
Being 100% honest in all circumstances may not really be in the best interests of honor, as I mentioned in a couple of my comments. There could be many reasons why lying would actually be the best choice. But becoming conscious of our communication and being real, especially with ourselves, is definitely worth some focused attention. It seems several people have expressed to me that this subject is coming up for them in conversation. I'm grateful there are more of us heading together in that direction.
It is amazing how much we lie...
It's astounding really when you think about it. Stuff that ultimately doesn't even matter at all. Funny creatures we humans are. Thanks for being here @rgeddes.
Much truth here excellent read.
I survived a car crash about 15 years ago and I was in hospital or a year and had to learn how to walk again.
When you are bedridden there is not much you can do bit think think think.
And I thought much about how many lies I had told in my life, to my family, my friends and the lies to myself.
I made a vow that if I ever walked again I would clean o my life and try as hard as I could NOT to lie.
It was not as easy as I thought as some "white" lies, as you call them, just cant be done away with simple because society would not function without them.
However, one thing I never ever do now, it lie to myself.
Wow!!! That is quite the amazing story and it is great that you have followed through and made good use of that time to think. I don't so much have judgment on whether lies are good or bad as I'm certain there are instances when lying would actually be the more honorable thing to do.
If you never ever lie to yourself you must love yourself immensely! What a blessing your accident was. Grateful to have you here @arthuradamson.
Very insightful post. I find it so hard to tell somebody something that I feel is the truth but I know will hurt them so much so many times, sadly, I take the coward's way out. Great post. Now following you.
Lies are not necessarily good or bad from my viewpoint. If your family's life was endangered by a gunman who demanded to know where your child was, I would imagine you would tell a lie. I feel that honor is of great importance to acknowledge, as perhaps lying would be the most honorable thing to do in some circumstances. But overall, being able to stand up for our own truth is quite amazing.
Thank you for your comment @team101. Thanks for the follow as well.
Now I've followed you too! Thanks for the connect!
One of the hardest things to do: always say the truth.
@everlove I totally agree! Lies have gone too far...honesty is the way to go. If you get the chance, can you upvote my newest post where I teach you how to become a millionaire with crypto? :) Thanks! https://steemit.com/money/@parkermorris/become-a-millionaire-in-the-next-5-years-with-these-5-simple-steps
Thanks for being here @parkermorris. I believe the world could benefit from more honesty. Being present with myself through the process takes a lot of moment-to-moment attention, but definitely worth the investment in myself.
Will be delighted to see how I can invest in myself in other ways too. I'll hop on over and visit your post.
This is synchronicity. I've been talking with a few friends about this exact thing. One was @son-of-satire who wrote a post, essentially about people wearing masks. I remarked that we've been taught to wear them since childhood, 'politeness and manners' and the newest 'politically correct'. All of which encourage us to pretend or be disingenuine. People have been trained to think that not following such 'decorum or civility' translates into being rude or insensitive.
The biggest problem of all is what you mentioned about lying to oneself. In fact those that are brutally honest with themselves tend to have a great deal MORE empathy for everyone around them, because they clearly see their own imperfections and are more likely to be continuously working on themselves. They don't judge because they know that the point of such parables as "Remove the log from your own eye" is that this is an ongoing process, and so long as they're not perfect (and to my knowledge no one is perfect on this plane of existence) they will continue to improve upon themselves and their own journey, feeling compassion for the struggles of their brothers and sisters rather than condemnation.
I think what people are missing about how you can throw 'polite' out the window without being insensitive, is if the things you say and do are out of love. For yourself and your neighbor. If we love ourselves and one another without conditions, then we find ourselves in a place where we can handle every truth.
Aho dear @dreemit. So well said. I love that these conscious conversations can be had on Steemit and that many of us are on the same page. Raising the bar for ourselves will translate into loving ourselves unconditionally and hence having greater capacity to love others unconditionally as well. Coming from a place of love in our relationships is indeed key. A win win situation all around. So grateful for your comment here and for you sharing your perspective with such eloquence.
I'll check out the post of @son-of-satire. Supporting conscious evolution is of great value. Blessings to you.
I ended up having a discussion with my husband about collective consiousness last night as I told him about this post and several other similar conversations happening at the same time.
Whether that be the case, or it is simply that steemit attracts those who are in the process of raising their frequency, for lack of a better phrasing, I am grateful for it. And most certainly grateful for you @everlove (you couldn't have picked a better screen name for yourself)
It seems there are several conversations about this particular subject, including one from @firepower: https://steemit.com/life/@firepower/letstalk-can-we-be-brutally-honest-without-hurting-people
Perhaps you have seen it already! It's a good one.
I feel that there is a higher frequency happening here on Steemit. Of course, I'm very immersed with the artists, who always seem to be more open minded and into things more on the "fringe" as some might say. But I do feel the opportunity to share powerful insights and things of a more conscious nature are well received here. Steemit is on the cutting edge. Even those who tune primarily into the expansion of cryptocurency and how it will change the world through Steemit, are rethinking a lot of things. It isn't that huge of a leap into the greater realms of possibility.
So grateful to help spark conversation and bring opportunity for open discussion. Thanks for your comment @dreemit. You have a great screen name too. Mine was given me by @quinneaker many years ago, but this is the first time I have really used it in a public format.
I have not seen that one! Another one, wow! I look forward to reading it, thanks for pointing it out :) And I am also unfamiliar with @quinneaker, which is something I shall remedy :)
Excellent choice to go see @firepower's post. It's great we are all talking about it now.
Also an excellent choice to become familiar with @quinneaker. He has some infinite possibility to share. You'll also see why our community is so awesome. Blessings to you.
Great post! This is undeniably hard for a LOT of people out there!
It is understandable anyway, considering where most of us have come from. We have generations of conditioning to overcome. I'm blessed to be with people who make honesty a priority and to be sharing our perspectives with each other here on Steemit. Imagine coming back together even more capable and open at Steemfest 2!!!
I had a vague knowledge of this situation, but I must admit that ignorabab it was so much, thank you very much for sharing this wonderful work
Have a beautiful week dear friend @everlove
Thanks for tuning in jlufer. It's great to share with each other and better ourselves in the process. A beautiful week I shall have--may yours be awesome as well.
I had a boss once that was a nice guy. A real salesman. He could sell ice to the Eskimos, but what he could not do was tell the truth...even about little, non important things.. Crazy lol.
Hahaha---that's probably why he could sell so well. Sometimes all we need to know is what others want to hear and give it to them. Makes for a great income perhaps, but not so great for true and genuine relationships. Thanks for the comment @old-guy-photos.