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I talked a big game about personal posts but I've yet to really actually do one. So, naturally, I decided to start off by testing the waters before jumping in headfirst.... Is what a reasonable person would be writing right now.

Instead, I decided to go about as far as I'm currently willing to and gauge the reaction/conversation that stems from it. A few disclaimers & apologies: first, these posts are most certainly not going to paint me in a very good light. Quite the opposite, in fact. Second, I intend for the posts to be fairly thorough, so they'll be long. Third, I couldn't come up with a better name for these posts that at the same time communicated everything I was trying to say. I finally threw my hands up and decided on the above - which I don't really like. Appropriate replacement suggestions are welcome.

If I were a sensible person, I would just keep writing the types of posts I'm writing. I'm doing fine right now and there's no need for me to take this kind of risk. After this, who the hell knows? I might end up going from minnow to algae. But I just have to test limits, you know? Mine, and this platforms. So, I'm posting this. I've been stalling for three paragraphs. Let's hop right in.

This is the story of how I, as guy growing up in my teens and twenties, developed in romantic and physical relationships. No, I am NOT going to go into details of physical encounters in this post, so those of you worried that this gets pornographic (or hoping for it) have nothing to worry about. It's more about how I grew and changed over time, made mistakes I never thought I would, and got to the point that I'm at now.

I grew up a relatively sheltered guy. I was raised mostly by a loving but generally overwhelming, overbearing, and temperamental single mother who thought she knew what was best for my brother and I, more than we did ourselves (which was fine when we were very young). I made friends easily but was incredibly shy with people outside of my immediate circles. Especially with girls.

I vaguely remember having a girlfriend in kindergarten (yup, we're going back that far). More than the girl herself I remember telling my father, who responded simply: "Son, you do not have a girlfriend." It was a statement that would confuse me, until I later realized it was because I was considered 'too young' to be romantically involved.

Later in elementary school I recall having a huge crush on a girl. During the final day of the last year of elementary school I resolved to tell her how I felt. After school, waiting in the shade by the building, I saw her go by on her way home. Frozen, I couldn't get myself to breathe a word. At the very last moment, as she turned the corner, I do recall calling out to her. But I didn't follow.

Needless to say I was pretty down that first week of summer.

Middle school was about as awkward as you might expect. I had a great group of friends - I probably laughed more in middle school than at any other point in my life (A couple of jokers. Well, we thought we were funny, anyway). I was involved with the Theater Club and was fortunate enough to get the lead in the school production of Life With Father.

The girl who was cast as my wife was incredibly beautiful, and I recall having a bit of a crush on her despite the fact that we didn't get along. My first kiss was a stage kiss planted lightly on my cheek by her at the direction of our director. I remember being totally stunned like a dear in the headlights. It certainly didn't help to have one of the school bullies (he was a techie) cry out "Aw. His first kiss," for all to hear. I told him to shut up, but my face felt incredibly hot.

My next girlfriend wouldn't be until high school, and the one after that not until my mid-twenties.

On the bus ride home the last day of middle school, I remember reviewing my journey through the 7th and 8th grades (my elementary school went to 6th grade, atypically. After my year they ceased having 6th grade, if that tells you anything. But that's another story for a different time). All in all I was pretty annoyed that I still hadn't had a girlfriend (I didn't count my encounter in kindergarten), but I had had a few girls who seemed interested. Even the annoying cast mate who played opposite me seemed interested in her way (but who can tell? It was a long time ago, and I never asked her out). As I rode the school bus to my grandmother's house I remember feeling hopeful and resolving to do even better in my social life in high school.

In some ways I did. I stayed active in theater and even went so far as to do UIL tournaments in acting, ensemble acting, and debate. I won several awards, including an award for first place in Duet Acting for a scene from the play The Odd Couple and a Best Speaker award for JSA (Junior Statesmen of America).

Even still, I was less interested in all of that and more interested in getting more involved socially! Actually it wasn't long before I did get a girlfriend (the only one I'd have for another 8 years), but I think that's more than enough for part one.

If you're disappointed or feel that there isn't much to be ashamed about... don't worry, it'll all be coming in part two - tales of heartbreak and fit-throwing that will make me look every bit as bad as I promised initially. That is, if I decide to write part two - I dread writing it even more than I did this.

Follow: @jenkinrocket

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