"Your advice can come off as condescending."

Definitely can. I think he is punishing himself, he doesn't think he is. I cannot change how he sees his own situation. The only thing I can do, is to continue being nice to myself. From there, maybe he will want it to change, and try something different. I'm at the edge of understanding that sometimes you don't need to know anything.

You just need to be there for your friend.