I am the Daddy and I am the boss of you!

in #parenting5 years ago (edited)

As a parent I have been thinking a lot about Fatherhood (as we Fathers do) and about the top down structure of our society where power exists at the top and peons at the bottom. How is the way I parent my children any different? How can I expect to see a future where there is less power at the top exerting force over those below if I raise my children within that same top-down power structure?

How many times have we heard our children say? - "I'm the boss of you!"

You are not the boss of m- Yes I am!

I am trying to get my head around how to slowly move away from this concept and head towards one of promoting individual responsibility.

So how do I raise my children without the initiation of force?

Do you need to go to parent school?

This is a very real issue for me. It's bloody hard and to be quite honest, I ain't doing it.

As the father in our house, I can see firsthand the affect it can have on my children. It has really resonated with me when I read somewhere that basically, the initiation of force happens when humans feel that there is no other way to achieve their desired end.

Well that's fair enough I suppose, if there is not another alternative available.

It's a convenient way to reassure myself, "It's okay, there was no other option", or, "It's for their own good". But that does not help me sleep at night knowing that even though my children may "do as they are told" next time, it's only though fear of the strength of my voice.

If you don't believe me, then odds are that you don't have children and you have not seen firsthand how open their little hearts are to you when your interactions are positive compared to after you have been overly cross with them.

They are different, they are scared of you.

Childhood Phobias: Part 1 - Fear vs. Phobia

We reward good behaviours and punish bad behaviours. In society this is called positive sanctioning and negative sanctioning. The problem is that this structure requires somebody to be an authority over another, such as a government governing civilians, a boss and employees.

In other words, the initiation of force from a higher body.

How can I expect the world to change if I do not first change myself as a Father. It's like a stab in the heart and I feel like a failure to see the fear I have caused on my children's faces, and to hear them cry "I'm the boss of you!" to another child.

"With great power there must also come - great responsibility!"

I feel very passionate about the role masculinity in children's lives. Men are strong for a reason, and yes, we have evolved this way as to hunt and to protect the tribe but I think Ben from the movie Barnyard summed it up better than I ever could.

"A strong man stands up for his self. A stronger man stands up for others."

Barnyard, 2006. Copyright Nickelodeon Movies

I don't know yet which political philosophy I fall under but I do believe that force is something which is my responsibility only when protecting others who are unable to defend their selves. Not as a means of beating another into line with my own philosophical standpoint.


Parenting is a journey. You are on the right track. Forgive yourself when you fail and and tell the children you made a mistake. I once heard that children grow up the most damaged by a parent who never admits they were ever wrong. The best way to teach children respect is to respect them. They will end up following our example.

Thanks @canadian-coconut I agree with you whole heartedly.

Having a child is the single most important decision you can have in your life because you are bringing someone into the world whom did not get to choose whether they wanted to or not. It's expensive, time consuming, and difficult. But there are joys to it, that one day I'd like to experience.

I remember it not being fair for me being hit as a kid whenever my parents were angry. In fact, nearly every book I read and cartoon I watched showed parents peacefully resolving situations. There was so much content available that it's no excuse, today especially on how to solve situations.

If you can get your head around the idea that all of us were born into the world as kicking, screaming, shiting, confused little things. Perhaps you can not look to them when you're angry, but look at them to understand.

For Anger is our Desire to Change.

I heard once that children will be okay in stressful situations if the parents remain calm. I suppose the same could be said about disagreements.

https://steemit.com/life/@dragonslayer109/daily-pick-of-hidden-gems-26 this is where I will be featuring your post previous message did't send over sorry about that.

All good. Thanks for choosing me this post.

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