How do you defend yourself from unwanted parenting advice?
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Whenever I see or hear someone reprimanding a mother, I get annoyed. Everyone is entitled to have an opinion, I am fine with that, as long as they keep them to themselves and don't start pointing fingers at others.
Everyone is responsible for his own offspring and no one knows better than the parent himself why the child is behaving in a certain way. Thus, each time I see a young mother ignoring her child's tantrum, I feel like giving her a hug, because I know how she must be feeling.
I love it when I see the mother staying calm, showing to the child that she is in control. I am aware that she must be tired and annoyed by her child's behaviour and that she is simply trying not to create a precedent.
Kids can get easily upset and have a tantrum or a meltdown for different reasons. They could be tired, hungry, irritated or dealing with a sort of frustration. They could have asked for a toy and since they got a negative response, they could try to influence the parent's decision with an outburst. Learning how to deal with frustration takes time. The smallest thing can trigger a huge drama.
Unfortunately not everyone sees things the same way as I do. Some people think that they are entitled to give advises to others, even if they do not have a full understanding of the situation. Or that they can interfere and tell the mother to take better care of her child.
Honestly, I prefer those that chose to raise an eyebrow or stare because they can be easily ignored. But what do you when someone insists on giving you a piece of their mind? Do you politely brush them off or you simply tell them it's not their damn business?
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When mine ever threw a tantrum or were misbehaving in public, and I received some unsolicited advice, I used to smile, say "Thank you; I'll pass that on to my sister. It's her kid" haha
Playing the aunty's role, hmmm, I like that! ;0)
Thanks, my parents still laugh about it :)
😂 good one! 😂
Thanks! My youngest was a terror haha, so I used that line way too often :)
What is it with youngers being wild childs?! Seems we have a similar trend in our family! Haha, but their sweet side makes up for it 💙
haha I think it is the universe's way of ensuring people have more than one child; the first one is a breeze, so we all think, 'sure, why not, let's have another', then wham!! :) When mine was a toddler, before I went to bed I would go in his room and watch his sweet angelic face while asleep to 'fill up' my patience-meter for the next day haha
Having children with Autism, lots of people have advice and commentary. I tell them thank you, you're probably right. And then I do whatever I want.
That's a nice way to deal with it.
I find that in most instances when I get caught off-guard by well meaning people, I might take the time to explain what happened or just smile and ignore. I know some people can be outright rude, but unless otherwise needed, I would tackle them by speaking respectfully and nicely. Or I might just sweep them away with a broom. Lol! It's not easy, but it's been a deliberate choice I have made since I became a Mama. My responsibility is to my children, and that includes showing them how to treat people and how to respond regardless of the circumstances. We don't have to behave like how others behave. And when we reach home and everyone's comfy, I'll take the right time to explain what happened to my little ones, especially my firstborn who is near 3yo and we learn together as a short lesson. I'll ask her questions the best I can on the level of understanding she has and we can give answers together.
We should lead by example at all times, you are right. Though sometimes others make that choice nearly impossible for us by misbehaving worse than the kids.
Hahaha yea, some people don't have social manners that's for sure. When that happens I may just sternly tell them off and flip hair lol
That is so true! We know our kids really well, so when someone else steps in and tries to "help" or tell us what they would do, it pretty much doesn't help. I have had a lady give me some horrible advice when my 3 year old was tired (no nap that day), had been in a car most of the day, hungry (way late dinner) and he was grumpy. I just laughed her off. I usually ignore most advice that people give and stares...unless I really ask someone what they think I should do. If it's at the grocery store or something, I just smile and keep right on going. Ha! With 5 kids, we get lots of comments and advice. ;)
I can only imagine how it must be with five children. ;0) I wonder did it ever happen to have all of them grumpy in the same time? I guess it did...
I'm sure they have been grumpy all at the same time. Probably from disappointment at not getting what they wanted or thought they were going to get...
I don't suffer fools much.
I simply give that "Are you really that fuckin' stupid look?"
99% of the time, that will suffice...
Namaste, JaiChai
It does feel tempting to tell them that, though I never did it.
good advice for others
Thank you!
you are welcome
One word
Bottle-spray-filled-with-ice-cold-water
Okay that's a lot of words I know
😁
Unsolicited advice = get you wet on the face
Hahahhah! That's a good one! I love it! Though I might be tempted to add some lemon to that ice cold water. lol
I guess you can get that in Canada as well. Imagine România+autistic child, lvl 9000 😂. Honestly, is a lot harder not to care about what people do or say, but when you got that, ignoring them is the best way to deal with it.
Usually, I am way too busy dealing with the situation itself, so I don't really give them much attention 😁. Father talking here 😋.
Yes it is way harder in your case. I noted that people tend to give more advises in such a situation to a woman than to a man.
The worst:
My child: Doing something I do not want them to do, like bouncing around fragile items.
Me: Stop (whatever he is doing that I do not approve of) that!
Stranger: It's ok!
No.
Just... NO
They aren't going to be dealing with the ramifications of the action my son will cause. Do not tell my child it is ok to not listen to me!
"Do not tell my child it is ok to not listen to me!" I totally agree with that! I hate it when people insist on saying that. It gets the kids confused and diminishes the parent's authority.