[Blog] Thoughts from the Front Lines: Explaining Differences
One of the biggest challenges of raising young children is explaining differences.
Children are quick to notice differences. They are also quick to accept them and move on if you catch them at the right point. From what we hear our media and academia tell us, you'd think the differences they'd notice would all surround race and religion, but most kids I know are totally oblivious to that kind of stuff. Nope, they go for the real hard lines like:
"Suzy has short hair and I have long hair. I think it's better for girls to have long hair."
At which point it behooves a parent to explain that short of long hair is not what makes someone beautiful, but a kind heart and a quick smile might go a lot further.
"Have you ever noticed how quick Suzy is to help you when your tricycle gets stuck?"
Explaining Differences
The problem comes in with philosophical things, like when one cousin begins going to kindergarten and another is homeschooled. Both sets of parents have firm ideas on why one road is best, but who wants a sassy five year old snootily explaining to the other why their way is best? As a parent, you know five is way too young to explain the whole story to and the real goal is to help them understand why it's okay to walk a different path than their cousin and love each other while not thinking their parents are wrong.
Least Said, Soonest Mended
In the end, it's always a case of "least said, soonest mended". Explaining differences comes down to loving.
"Aunt Jane and Uncle Bill love their children very much and we love you very much and moms and dads who love their children make the very best decisions they know how in raising children. The important thing is you are going to grow into good adults who know all the things you need to know and take care of adult things."
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not boast. It does not seek it's own.
1 Corinthians 13:4
Love this! It's a great reminder. My kids are always quick to point out why one got more/less than the other - you're older and you can do more, etc. Your example of homeschool is great - each parent is trying to do what they think is best - whether they've researched it or not - following what society says or not. ;) Glad I caught this post!
Thank you! This post was actually inspired by a conversation I had with my kids and their cousins when they began to get a little heated with each other about going to school or staying home. They were all five and under and trying to explain why people might make such different choices was a challenge.
I understand that. Sometimes my kids ask why their cousins or friends go to school. Well, at least they did in the States. Here, all of our friends homeschool so we aren't the "different" ones. ;)
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Hey @lturner, People like you who notice the little differences are the ones who enjoy life the most. I like how you train your kids. Dissuading them from any form of prejudice based on race, skin colour, parental upbringing etcz.
Explaining all differences to them with love is where the tactful parent wins the race. Because a 5yr old may just remember all those lessons he/she learned from that age. It will always be part of his/her consciousness so ensure its a good lesson.
Another thing you duely pointed out is the innocence of children. I love children because they are still teachable and educable. I hope to have mine someday and when I do...I hope to give them the best lessons of life. I'm glad there's a couple like you and @ironshield here on STeemit that I can learn from. Cheers!
#Hug-Challenge!
Thank you! It's definitely tough to teach "good" and "bad" and "just different". It really does come down to love and a love of what is good especially. If you teach children to love what is good, they naturally look at "good" and "bad" rather than the more superficial things of race, parental choices, etc. But you can't teach it unless you live it yourself, so it really makes me have to look to my own character, that's for sure.
I definitely hope you have some of your own someday - from what I can see and read, you would definitely be a good daddy!
Awwwn. Thank you on the good daddy compliment. Cheers!
Nice post @Iturner. It is really challenging to explain differences to children in effective way. Thanks to @ironshield too. Accept my full upvote and keep posting
Thank you for the comment and the vote and I'll do my best - it's quite a challenge to maintain good Steemit habits right now, that's for sure.
I like your approach in your conclusion - so far I haven't encountered blatant comparisons with my little one (4 years), as she's super social and usually is more interested in playing with everyone than criticizing (for now, I guess...) and doesn't seem to discriminate based on anything except sketchy character (which is impressive to me, she's better at that than I am, lol!). But I know that day will come when she picks up on that sort of thing from peers, etc. I always figured I'd approach it with something like: "if everyone was the same then life would be boring" as that's my personal philosophy. But adding love into things is always a good thing!3
Yeah, I hadn't really dealt with a lot of comparisons for my kids until a few things started arising with them and their very-close-in-age cousins. I was out swinging them all on the swings when they began asking me about a conversation they'd had in which one cousin was excited about beginning preschool and one of my kids said, "We don't go to school - our mom is going to teach us." This was a subject of much puzzlement and bewilderment between them and I wasn't sure the usual "people do different things" was going to answer. So I ended up pointing out that people decide to do different things and mamas and daddys love their children very much and always do their best to help them become grownups who can do well at grownup things. We'll see what happens as time goes by and the differences become more marked...
Beautiful said! Bravo!
Thank you!
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this post is awesome @ironshiled. Difference is a very big topic that can lead to negative thinking if not properly examined. Like the case of the 2 children with one having to think that her her short hair is as a result of bla bla bla so that can lead to alot. But spotting their difference shows you following up. They should see difference as been normal.
Great advice- I know I must have been a huge hassle in this regard for my parents. (I know my little brothers were.)
I think I gave my parents' a run for their money in this respect as well, because I was always so certain that whatever our family did was best and everyone else didn't measure up. There's a way to have an arrogant little brat really fast! What a balancing act...to teach what you believe to your children with the conviction that comes from feeling certain one course is best, but not look down on people for choosing different courses.