LIFE LESSONS FROM A GEEK PART 3: HARRY POTTER AND PARENTING

My first 2 pieces focused on lessons I taught my own children. Today's lesson is one I hope to teach them some day when they are ready... some day far, far, far into the future. It’s a lesson about caring and sacrifice (the two most important prerequisites for being a parent). The inspiration comes from Harry Potter so it is only logical that Lilly Potter play the role of the the ultimate example of motherly (or fatherly) love. After all, her true love of her son coupled with her willingness to sacrifice her own life for the life of her baby is what saved Harry and made him the “chosen one”. But I’m not logical. I like to look a little deeper for something more realistic that my children can relate to (eventually). So if not Lilly, who from Harry Potter is the personification of sacrifice and caring (in other words Motherly Love)? Molly Weasley.

Molly Weasley is my favorite character in Harry Potter (although I do love Neville). I fell in love with her the moment Rowling introducers her in the train station (and not just because the movie actress also played Rita from “Educating Rita” back in the 80s… it’s true). She’s like every other mother nagging and hurrying her kids. Nothing special there, just a mom who wants her kids to fulfill their responsibilities and do well. And then she notices a scared, confused little boy. Her innate “motherness” kicks in. She helps the boy and assures him that her children will continue to help him once he’s on his way (because she has taught her children to help others of course). Later we find that she immediately knew this boy was Harry. The chosen one. But there should not be an ounce of doubt in the reader’s mind that she would have done this for any child in need. This is what mothers do. They care. They help. They guide. They love.

We see another act of unselfish love at Christmas. To feel the full impact of this act, it is important to note two very important things: Harry has NEVER received a present in his entire life and the Weasley’s are not well off, perhaps even poor. When Christmas comes, the Weasleys all open boxes containing some chocolates and their silly Weasley sweaters. And of course, Harry opens his. These sweaters aren’t silly. They are symbols that the wearer is part of the family. Harry was part of the family. With every flick of her wrist as she knit Harry that sweater, she was creating an adoption decree more meaningful than anything that could be written on paper. Harry wore that sweater and felt unconditional love. He felt the love of a woman who sacrificed some of the little money she had in order to ensure Harry knew he was part of a family.

The sweater is a somewhat abstract illustration of Molly’s motherly love for Harry. Sometimes kids can miss these less concrete example so it requires a bit of explanation (which I am all for!) Unfortunately, when speaking with kids, you are never positive if they hear you or they hear the voice from the adult characters in the Peanuts cartoons. If you want to make sure they get the point, simply turn to page 90 of the Order of the Phoenix and highlight these words:

“'He's not your son,” said Sirius quietly.
“He's as good as,” said Mrs Weasley fiercely.

And Harry hears these powerful words that Molly shouts as she again tries to protect her child: Harry. Just like she will protect all of her children. Did I mention mother’s also protect?

And oh boy, does Molly protect. She tries to protect her boys from themselves (when their shenanigans might get them into trouble). She tries to protect her son from getting married too soon. She tries to protect all of her children from finding out the terrifying “adult problems” that the Order of the Phoenix must face. She tries to protect her children’s childhood. Just like all good mothers do for as long as reasonable (and then those mothers find the unbelievable strength to let their children go out own their own).

But if you need a concrete example. Rowling’s got a concrete example for you right on page 736 of the Deathly Hallows…

“NOT MY DAUGHTER, YOU BITCH!”

Aside from Neville’s defiance of Voldemort, this is my favorite act of courage in the entire series. But this might not even count as courage. Courage takes conscious thought. Courage is deciding there is something more important than giving into your fear. Molly is acting on pure motherly instinct. But maybe that is splitting hairs. Maybe “motherly instinct” is just deciding your children are more important than your fear. Either way, this passage is awesome. In it, Molly duels Bellatrix. Bellatrix is a ruthless and powerful witch with much dueling experience. She’s simply more powerful than Molly. But Molly has one huge advantage. She’s fighting for her children. Bellatrix never stood a chance.

I have already written about my children. But I’ll let you in on a secret. They have a mother. An amazing mother and my wife. Now as far as I know, my wife has never had to duel a witch with the lives of our children hanging in the balance. She has never taken in an orphan and made him part of the family. She has never had to sacrifice herself for our children. But one thing I do know… she would.

Luckily we don’t have to face the trials presented in entertaining fantasy novels. We don’t face situations where we must sacrifice our lives for those we love. But mothers make sacrifices every day… ones that actually matter. My wife sacrificed her career for our children. For 6 years while she heard about her friends getting promotions, taking awesome business trips, and buying new clothes, my wife stayed home to raise our children. She did this because she felt her kids needed her at home, so she did what moms do: she put her children’s needs above her own. My own mother was not able to do this. She had to work outside the home while raising my sister and me. And she had to sacrifice. She didn’t sacrifice her career, she sacrificed her time. Precious time where all she needed was to sleep for just a few minutes. But she couldn’t… because her kids needed her. It's one thing all mothers have in common.

Next time you use the word “mother” try the word “sacrificer” and see if it fits. (You might want to only do this in your head or people might think you need to go to St. Mungo’s Hospital for Magical Maladies).

When we had our son, I was lucky enough to be the one who stayed home to be his primary caregiver. When my daughter was born, my wife took over. During this time I learned a very valuable lesson. I am a pretty good dad… but a below average mom. (For any dads out there who can do both, I salute you!). I’m not getting down on myself. I’m actually proud of myself. But it pales in comparison to the way my wife cares, helps, guides, loves, protects and sacrifices. She makes it look so easy. She’s like a Jedi. “Let the motherly love flow through you.” She does.

#parenting #harrypotter #lifelessons