RE: [PARENTING] To Spank or Not To Spank? My childhood experience, what I learned and how I incorporated that into parenthood
I was flat out abused as a child. I do not mean getting spanked, or yelled at. My dad, beat me with the buckle end of the belt, put out cigarettes on my arms and back, and when I got bigger graduated to punching and kicking. My dad was abused when he was child and to him that is just what you did to discipline a child. Of course, breathing too loudly in the same room as him constituted being unruly. The cycle of abuse is the hardest thing to break. I now have a son who is strong-willed and I've popped him on the butt once. After everything cooled down, I apologized to him, and he apologized to me for yelling and not doing what he was told. We have since then worked together to get things done. He gets a little lippy at times, but now all it takes is a look to get him back on track. It's tough, but slog through it, and keep communication with them going. Them learning how to negotiate like adults, will help them better than a paddling.
Although I wasn't abused as a child, I was spanked and whipped with a belt or switch. I think I remember most of them. I can remember one I got when I was three for crying and waking up my dad. I especially remember the ones I felt were unjustified. I rarely spanked my kids, but I regret the times I did. I don't think corporal punishment is ever justified. When you use it, I believe you are admitting that you have failed as a parent. As far as I know, my daughter has never spanked any of her kids, and they have turned out great.
Yes, I remember getting some whacks that I felt were unjustified too...and that's when attitude reared its ugly head because I was like Wait - how is that fair? I think it's shaped my attitude in taking ownership of my actions, mistakes and all - and a big part of why I always root for the underdog.
Even though my youngest is 18 now, there are times when I feel like I've failed as a parent...but never because I disciplined the way I did. I don't remember exactly when I cut the umbilical cord and released myself from the responsibility of their choices.
They know they can turn to me any time they need me but they also know I won't allow them to put blame on me either. I did the best that I could and one lesson I instilled in them was: If you do your best, make your best effort, then never take ownership of someone else's disappointment.
I guess my point is, I had to find some way to reach my kids and be an example of love and discipline (among other things...all the things...) and sometimes the fastest way was a good old fashioned whack on the butt.
Thank you for sharing your story @eric-the-red
Breaking the cycle is definitely hard because oftentimes we don't have the resources to see what's beyond "the normal". Kids are tough creatures and they'll test every button, won't they?
As my kids got older the silent treatment worked a lot better than yelling or smacking.
I'm a yeller. LOL After a while my kids became immune because they knew I was blowing off steam, but if I got really quiet they knew they were in trouble.
Thank you for taking the time to stop by and comment :)
No problem! I'm glad you shared your experiences as well!