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Over-sheltering Your Children: Does it Help or Not?

It may sound ridiculous as we utter this specific certitude that…

Or, maybe not, right?

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But in regards to the matter of ALWAYS polishing all the rattles and battles that acting as our children’s natural item for their childhood is just same as taking away the biggest opportunity in offering them the chance of being responsible enough to handle chores in the near future; and with that certitude, we are not doing the right favors for our children. Alternatively, we are raising them in becoming the individual who always takes full skip from all the responsibilities and to that tendency they may always await when others may do the favor for them even to the time that they are really capable of taking things to the highest level all by themselves. When we overly coddle our children, we are also teaching them the truism of life, the life that’s full of chaotic issues every time we present them the very basic skills of management.
Pulling back myself as the all-around ‘spoon feeder’ to my little tot is one of the hardest thing to do as a toddler mom, not to mention the real struggle of teaching her the very basic but also the patience and full confidence that my toddler can do the task I need her to do. But as what my husband said to me – it is the best way to wean her in advance by the time I need to go to work and also it will help her build social and problem-solving skills too.

Parenting style before Vs Parenting style today

In the days of the World War era, parents were a bit disjointed from the special stages of their children’s life and some families were able to outwear the hardships being shared with each member; and in those days children took the mature responsibility at a young age while the parent’s main priority is to keep the whole family safe and together at all times. And when armistice and good life arises in the late year 50s up to 70s, the families were able to experience life socially free to each other, even with their neighborhoods the children were able to catch up some playtime and the parents were able also to have some normal adult lives.

Without any doubt, we can clearly see that things are a bit different today because due to some financial and personal concerns most parents spend time with their kids on a much lesser schedule. And in order to fill up the gap of being absent due to work responsibilities makes most parents guilty and with the guilt, they are feeling inside, leads them to overdo the care they need to offer. One other way of recompensing the culpability of being absent is by doing the not needed things to do like doing their homework and buying the things they wanted instead of the things they needed. And with those tiring duties we do, we wanted to get things easily done because we sometimes want to dive into the bed early, which is why grabbing their textbooks and answering them directly is much a hassle-free hack; and because the teaching and explaining part takes a lot of effort and patience.

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When you came home late after a tiring day at the office and you catch your kid’s school assignment not done yet, did you ask yourself with the following questions after this:

• Whose assignment is that? Yours or to your kid?

• And who is much on hold on doing it?

• Are you conquering their own battles instead of letting them win their own battle responsibly?

• What do I usually do when I always end up with the situation like this? Will I sanction the task to them firmly or will I do it for them again and again?

WHEN and HOW to know when I am overly doing stuff for my kids?

• You are in much stress state than they are; because they are not doing anything and you are doing almost everything.

• When your kid always complaints or avoid the task needed to be done at home even to the simplest household chore.

• When you fully comprehend that you lost the signal of knowing the things you might expect to your child as he or she grows up.

If ever you still end up with the answers wherein you do again the ‘unhelpful’ solution about the problem, which is routinely overdoing everything, so then it’s time to pull back yourself away or in another way, it is time for you to grab another way to answer your casual household dilemma. And pulling back yourself away doesn’t mean you are a bad mom or a bad parent, it just means that you have already taken over the past you and now you have come to the realization that over-sheltering your child is not helpful at all, pulling back yourself doesn’t mean you don’t love your kid anymore and you are neglecting them…

It is just the most compelling way of letting them grow up as a one responsible individual.

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Teaching Vs Doing

Teaching your kid instead of doing their task will surely help your child develop the skills they need in order to surpass some obstacles in the near future. Teaching is like coaching your own child, for example, if you have a child who always messes up things in her room and doesn’t even give care in arranging them, basically this child needs your support in a way wherein you must get into the process of explaining to her how to keep her things in line always and why she needs to do it independently. And with this example the said parent is teaching and at the same time coaching their own child by doing the task together instead of doing the task for your child; with this manner also, you two are spending the bond as parent and child connection that may, later on, develop the sense of responsibility.

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The consequences when you over-shelter your child

• Your child will learn how to control others just to do the task for them instead of taking full responsibility for it.
• Low self-stem will develop instead of having the confidence to overcome the obstacle they might encounter as an adult individual. And they will never know how or when to pick themselves up every time they experience failure.
• They will have the hard time adjusting to changes when the time comes when they need to go to places wherein they can’t bring you with them.
• Normally, every person on this earth needs to know how to stand up on their own and over-sheltering your child will injure their own future. They will eventually experience hard time in communication with others whenever they need to be.

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Tough times shape us up into a much better individual.

The challenges we encounter in our everyday life are the things that mold us to grow and to be more mature. I know as a parent it is hard for us seeing our child having a bad day but as a parent, we must mold them in a very much early stage possible into a firm and strong individual. There are maybe times that we want to set foot into the scenario and save the day, but we all know that time passes by so quickly and we know that not every day in our lives we are there for them; everyone gets old and weak and so does the parents as well. And as they able to manage every trial in their life, it will eventually make them stronger than ever and as time passes by they will merit the deserve wisdom they ought to have.

When bad times come there way and you don’t let them take the wheel to overcome it, they will end up to a path of cowards, wherein they are too afraid in trying new things for themselves. And as the parent who keeps on spoiling them, you are also the one hindering the certainty that they may be able to grasp the ability to be flexible in times of problems or might not able to.

No one wants to be with a person who is an ‘Adult-child’ like individual

We all know that time will come our children will grow up and will eventually build their own family and look for a job to sustain the financial needs of the said family. And every job applications come with a job interview and job interview leads to a very stressful scenario to each one of us. But hey! As far as I can remember there’s no job interviewee here on earth who are allowed to bring their parent along to help them answer the job interview questions.

And for the very sure fact…

No one will want an ‘adult-child’ like individual working for their company.

Moreover, as a professional adult woman in this society I will surely confess to everyone that…

I will never marry a man who acts like an ‘adult-child’ or even immature enough to handle the issues in the adult world.

And as far as I know, ‘adult-child’ like individual tends to have problem in communicating well to others and at the same time leads to a unsuccessful marriage because they are incapable in working into a relationship well-socially mannered, and also they will eventually fail to blend in with the same gender or either with the opposite sex because they are not responsible enough to dissolve their own issues.

End of the line conclusion

With my overall realization of this certain topic, over-sheltered children turn out to be unsuccessful in school, relationship and in life. For the main reason, these children are overly ‘baby-ized’ by their own parents and then leads to a child who’s too afraid of changes and responsibilities. These types of individuals will be having a hard time in thriving to the outside world emotionally, socially and psychologically and even in their academic status. Because other children might not want to be with them for the reason that they always tend to act as dependent at all times, they are mostly the target for bullies in school. And in their line of work too, overly protective children will act as unwanted by his or her team because he or she is too much dependent to others and that she or he can’t even survive a single given task alone because they might lack confidence or even initiative.
Overprotective parents are the only cause of this ‘future damaging’ issue and in a very weird approach, this kind of parents tends to deny what they are doing. And because of this, many children remain stagnant to their juvenile stage life , until it is too late to maneuver things up.

So, as early as now…

Let us raise the children in the future as responsible, practical and fully independent adults by not over-sheltering them!