My Family Bed Story -- How I Followed My Mothering Instinct

As a new mother, I needed LOTS of REST, and night times were made easiest for me by simply sleeping with my baby in my own bed, and breastfeeding whenever my child needed it.

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I would not have functioned well during the day if a crying baby was waking me up several times at night and I had to go feed my baby in another room, then wait for baby to return to a sound sleep before I could head back to my bed again. That sounds torturous to me, and more importantly sounds traumatic for the baby waking up alone and scared.

My baby needed to be with me for comfort and for food, and I really, really needed sleep. The beauty of breastfeeding in my own bed, was that without fully waking up, I could help baby attach to the breast, and then fall right back to a peaceful sleep.

My husband said, "Thank-You" to me many times because in his first marriage he often got elbowed awake when his wife was too tired to get up, and he would have to to make a bottle in the kitchen, get his daughter from her crib and feed her.

My hubby was AMAZED at how much simpler life can be for BOTH Mom and Dad to simply keep baby in bed next to mom where baby can breastfeed as needed.

But co-sleeping didn't just work for me and my three children, it works for around 90% of the mothers in the world!

Psychologist Peter Gray, says that Bedtime Protest is unique to Western and Westernized cultures.

I don't focus on what others around me are doing but rather act on my mothering instinct.

Although I had a bassinet, I only tried it a couple of times and quickly gave up when it was obvious that baby wanted to be right next to me.

For the longest time, I either breastfed my child until they fell asleep and then I laid them down in bed, or I went to bed with them and nursed them to sleep.

I have never put my baby in a room by themselves and expected them to fall asleep. That seemed cruel. It went against every instinct I had about how to ensure my child feels safe and loved.

“It's not our job to toughen our children up to face a cruel and heartless world. It's our job to raise children who will make the world a little less cruel and heartless.”

― L.R. Knost, Two Thousand Kisses a Day: Gentle Parenting Through the Ages and Stages

I love how this statement by Grubby Mummy sums it up perfectly ...

"I choose to mother this way because it feels right deep down in my core. I don’t do it for looks and I don’t do it as some kind of sick self flagellation. I believe my baby needs me and that my night time nurturing is worthwhile."

You may have been told that bed-sharing with your infant increases their risk of dying from SIDS or being smothered. The facts do not support this theory though when known risk-factors are not present (see chart below).

A breastfeeding baby stays safe at breast-level, and I believe that if baby were to have difficulty breathing, a breast-feeding mother would usually be hyper-sensitive to her babies changes and wake up to assist the child.

"Further protecting her baby, a breastfeeding co-sleeping mother usually adopts a position that facilitates close physical contact and observation of her baby."

"She tends to keep her baby at the level of her breast with an arm between her baby’s head and the pillow. She also instinctively bends her legs completing the protective space around the baby, making it impossible for another person to roll onto the baby without first coming into contact with her legs."

Australian Breastfeeding Association

And there is one added bonus to night-time breastfeeding while co-sleeping ... BIRTH CONTROL!

I have not used any birth control methods in 14 years, other than breastfeeding. The pill has side-effects that I want to avoid. Nursing on demand, including at night, keeps your cycle and fertility away the longest. It is not fool-proof of course, but it worked for me.

After my first baby, my cycle did not return for 14 months and all 3 of my children are over 3 years apart from each other.

For me, the gap of 3 years between children is perfect as I wanted to give each of them maximum "baby" time before another child came along that might bring jealousy. It all worked out perfectly.

Each child left my bed at the time that a new sibling was born. They still continued to sleep in the same room though, until they were comfortable with more independence. There are rare occasions now when all three want to climb in the bed with mom for the night! I treasure those precious moments because they don't last long.

ALSO READ : The End of My 12-Year Long Breastfeeding Adventure! ... by @canadian-coconut

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