ITS YOUR BIRTHDAY

in #non-fiction6 years ago (edited)

stock-photo-woman-blowing-out-candles-on-birthday-cake-623117813.jpg

David was as dead as a log when he got home. His breathe was mixed up with the smell of hard drink and cigar. He could barely walk straight when I came to meet him at the door. This is first time he has ever got drunk. Although he drink as duck to water, his body has never failed him. Cocktail, brandy,voldka, whiskey, dogoyaro, monkey tail ,you name a few, David could consumes all this and still feels OK as if he just got started . As calm as he was, he was also a lady chaser.

  My mother has always used me as an exemplary figure. She always stick to her guns that I would never be as evil-gentle as David was. Although, David always spoils our younger ones with gifts, Mother never liked the ways he was living. 

 Although at twenty two , David is already living his dreams as a young bachelor. He has a girlfriend; beautiful lady with the courtesy of a shape compare to a pyramid.  Her fair complexion is nothing but a glit of the morning sun. But her character as disgusting as an un-shaved mad man armpit. Margaret has been nothing but a lady with a empty brain. 

     That night was awesome. David danced like never before. My mom was singing at the top her voice. He was offered more drinks by my dad, his dad. At least, let celebrate king David, my father roared as he danced holding him by the hand.
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Sounds like a drunken birthday party to me ;)

Thanks for joining.

A couple things I would like to point out here.

Is your story fiction or non-fiction? Because you tagged it as both.

This reads more like an opening to a story, like there's something missing. You've introduced us to the characters, and then it's just.. over. There's no real plot, no "conflict", ... not much going on.

Many typos and grammar mistakes, but I can somewhat look past those.

And finally, I'd like to point out formatting. The slider that you made makes it unappealing to the eye and near impossible to read without a struggle.

Your descriptive skills are your strength, though, and I definitely enjoyed them.

as disgusting as an un-shaved mad man armpit

Imagined someone reeeeal sweaty there. :p

Thank you very much for your entry!

My mistake....nonfiction..please can point out the typos-grammar mistakes for future works?... Thanks

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