Well this was not the way I planned #nocomfortzone

Deep, long sigh. lol (this is going to be a post where i'm not really worried about grammar, punctuation, etc. lol sorry and there are 2 parts.)

part 1

So when @d-vine nominated me for this challenge, I was so pumped!!! I thought - of course I can do this! Yeah!!! here we go! Because when you think of a #nocomfortzone challenge, I think- initially, you think - how can I push myself to some limit that I haven't experienced before??? This is gonna be like Rocky! I can't wait to run up those stairs blaring Eye of the Tiger, baby!!

But you're really not .... or I wasn't... REALLY thinking of NO. COMFORT.

like...beyond... where you are comfortable.

UNCOMFORTABLE.

Just think about how we avoid discomfort! I mean - we are human beings that are trained to lean away from pain. slink away from conflict. we don't wanna feel the burn - we wanna run and hide!

Now... having said that - I.... like my girl @d-vine, have a feisty, can't-knock-me-down spirit. I can rise to the challenge. I know how to fight. I know how to analyze. I can get prepared.

that's when I DON'T HAVE A CHOICE. hahahaha

but this challenge was really a lot different. It was choosing to put yourself there. and i will be completely and brutally honest.

I FAILED.

I did intentionally put myself into a place where my skin was crawling with anxiety and discomfort. (nothing harmful! Just completely pushing my limits)

and I kept telling myself - ok, you can do this. calllllm dowwwwwn. I talked it through with someone who calmed my nerves and pumped me up and I was ready... so ready... to give over control and just dive in.

and then - I didn't. First there were legitimate reasons, and then that crucial timeframe passed. You know - the one where you're teetering... and if just one more minute goes by, you're backing up. And that minute did pass, and instead of leaping, I took that step back away from the cliff. Then the excuses began, and then there was guilt, and that kept me avoiding the issue even more.

and... I still haven't gone back to that ledge.

I'm not even going to tell you "what" it was that freaked me out. because it doesn't matter. Some people would relate. Some people would think it's ridiculous. Some people would say THAT was your no comfort zone???

But yeah. it was. it IS.

Why do we always try to compare suffering with other people and somehow try to categorize it as more or less than what others are going through??? Why do we do that?

My SUFFERING is my suffering. It isn't yours and yours isn't mine. I can breeze through things that incapacitate you. And you will think the things that freeze me in my tracks are just "a piece of cake".

But it doesn't matter what you or I or he or she thinks about what others are going through. That's their struggle with their own demons.

So. failed. well? let's just say i haven't succeeded YET.

But... at least I acknowledged it, and I have it set before me. and I truly believe that I will conquer it when I'm ready. because it bothers me, and i want to change it. i want to experience facing this head-on. and i'll take a few bruises, but i just want to walk away the victor.

Part 2.

As irony would have it..... I found myself in another situation that I willingly orchestrated. hahahaha (go figure!) and now.... I'm completely panicked.

There is no way out. I NEED to go through with this. I NEED to rise to the occasion, and I know I will. I didn't expect this "discomfort" until it came a-knockin' on my door.

But it's here. and i'm about to handle it. so in a way, i avoided one #nocomfortzone, and found myself in another.

Life's a tricksy thing.

I have some nominees in mind... I'll edit my post tomorrow with their names :)