Relationship Tips #5 How to Express Love with Words of Kindness
Forgiveness is an expression of love. "I love you, I care about you, and I choose to forgive you. Even though my feelings of hurt may linger, I will not allow what has happened to come between us. I hope that we can learn from this experience. You are not a failure because you have failed. You are my partner, and together we will go on from here"
Cited from "The 5 Love Languages, The Secret to Love That Lasts" by Dr. Gary Chapman
Love Language: Words of Affirmation
Dialect 2: Words of Kindness
The tone of our voice determines if we are expressing love or judgement/resentment/sarcasm. The same sentence can have different meanings, depending on how we say it. Sometimes, we say one thing but our tone says another.
"I love you" when said with gentleness and tenderness, its a genuine expression of love.
"I love you?" changes the whole meaning. It feels uncertain and fear.
We pay attention to the tone more to the words itself. If you said "I would be more than happy to massage you tonight" in a snarling, sarcastic tone, your partner will not perceive it as love, but as a sarcasm that you do not want to massage at all!
But if you express anger in a gentle and soft way "I am disappointed that you didn't help me when I'm struggling with the trash" could be perceived as love. You want to express your dissatisfaction and want to be understood, in a kind and loving way. Your partner will perceive it as love. Your partner will most likely understand your pain and reciprocate.
The manner which we speak is exceedingly important
If you counter anger with anger, the fire will go out of control. But if you counter anger with kindness, the fire will diminish.
Words of Kindness are mostly used when your partner lashes out anger, frustration, anxiety, dissatisfaction, and other negative emotions. If you encounter this situation, these are some useful tips to express your love in the midst of battlefield.
Note: Remember, your objective is to express love to your partner.
Useful tips
- Receive whatever your partner says and their emotions as information.
- Put yourself in their shoes and see the events through their eyes.
- Express softly and kindly that you understand what they're going through.
- If you have wronged them, acknowledge the specifics and ask for forgiveness.
- Seek for understanding and reconciliation, not proving you are right from your way of interpretation.
Does it matter if you have proved you are right?
You may have fulfilled your ego temporarily but you have hurt your partner. This hurt will never go away and can never be erased. If you choose to seek your partner for payback, you became the judge and your partner is the felon. This is not the fruitful relationship both of you aspire to have.
The best thing we can do with the failures and hurt of the past is to let them be history. Yes, it hurts but we can acknowledge it and ask for forgiveness.
It does not matter who is right, who is wrong. Forgive each other, learn from history and move on.
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This Relationship Tips series include practical how's and what's of speaking your partner's love language. If your partner's love language is Physical Touch and Quality Time, I will share firsthand experiences of what I've done and its results :)
Relationship Tips is one of my initiative to help people improve their relationship based on a book I was reading The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman and my experiences.
Check out my series here:
Relationship Tips #1: Know Your Partner's Love Language Here!
Relationship Tips #2: How to keep the love tank full, or most of the time full?
Relationship Tips #3: Is This "In Love" or "Real Love"?
Relationship Tips #4:How to Express Love with Words of Encouragement
I believe having a good relationship will carve a positive path in all areas of your life. This belief is backed up by an 80 year-old research by Harvard University.
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Wonderful. Forgiveness and Love are two powerful factors in having a relationship.
We don't say I'm sorry in our household, we say
There is nothing gained in hurting each other's feelings. Being right is not worth it. Love covers a multitude of sins.
Yes, I believe Forgiveness and Love are two sides of a coin. They must co-exist.
Love covers a multitude of sins. Can you elaborate more?
Based on your comments (including my other articles), you and your family members are very interesting. Can I DM you on Discord to ask a question?
We teach our children the concept of loving covering sins (1 Peter 4:8). For us, Christ's love is an absolute example. We make a lot of mistakes but love and forgiveness are paramount. We give each other lots of chances and being forgiven, we are given another opportunity to be better.
This is not looking the other way if our loved ones are doing something wrong. It's us being loving that we take the time to confront the mistake even if we "might" get the cold shoulder or the anger of the other person.
Sure, just send me a DM yam#5290 but I have to say I'm not on Discord very often :) I have a 4-month old and other babies taking momma's time for now.
Oh!! That's what it means? Love is kinda above multitude of sins, so look at love, not at the sins. This is a very very amazing practice in your family.
Thank you for sharing!
Wow, looks like you're having busy times. All the best in taking care of them! In the meantime, SteemOn!
@tifaong. This article is interested to read. Love and forgive. Love is an ocean without shore without bank without beach, mistaken between lovers is just a small canoe flown without direction to go but only confused, wavy for meyday.
Forgivenes is salt taste that spreading in every drops of water. When a lover commits to the only love, forgiveness can purify all mistakes. No mistake in love. No love to any one who counting the mistakes.
Sorry for flashed. Awesome post. Thanks
Wow @rikaz87, your words are deep and in very creative ways. 😄 You're right, there's no such thing as mistake in love. There's only learning and growth.
Thank you very much for reading! I hope what I wrote helped you in some ways.
thank you sist. lets keep humble, and spread love for the world.
Yeah! We'll do together!
What an amazing phrase!
Thank you. Which one?
Sorry... if we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive!
Oh, I see! Thank you! I hope what I wrote is able to help you in some ways.
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"does it matter" - if you are right or wrong - -This is something people need to think about - for the long term - we are so focused on the short term, thus the disagreements.
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Lots of votes made possible due to the kindness of abh12345 and his Steemit Curation Leagues
I see. I didn't think about that, long-term or short-term. You've given me a very good advice. Thank you @bashadow!
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