I experienced the two most intense relationships of my life in succession, both over within 24 months of my marriage breaking up. I spent a long and painful time processing and untangling my feelings about these three relationships. I came to realise that the dynamics of communication were key to an understanding of how they broke down/dissolved/wasn't right in the first place. I had to do some difficult pain/grief-processing before I was able to take responsibility for my own role in the drama and retrospectively observe its incremental steps. I also had to get to know myself and learn about inner communication.

It is pretty safe to say that all communication carries energy - the difference can be felt by testing the provided examples of demand vs request. If the words 'open the door' have (and they don't always) the energy of power and control behind them, then they are experienced very differently from something that is said neutrally or positively (with love). Of course, a passive-aggressively framed request may really be a demand in disguise, carrying the energy of violence, anger and aggression! This can manifest at subtle levels.

Looks like we are in agreement – a demand, or exercise of power/control removes choice; obedience is required, else there is conflict – and conflict, for so many, is to be feared! This is not the energy of love, clearly! Along with choice goes the voluntary side of the relationship – I would like to want to be with my partner and would wish for my partner to want to be/interact with me (besides it feels soooooooo much nicer this way)! Equality, respect and freedom (from fear of being under 'control') are essential - they are not ornamental. Sweet sounding words can carry bitter energy, and appearances are often deceptive - IF games are being played. Thing is, most games seem to be unconsciously played, the players not really aware of what's going on (was for me anyway). So what to do? Are we then enslaved by our unconscious game-playing, and can hope at best for a relatively stress-free compromise in a relationship? Isn't that a rather bland and low-flying aspiration, considering what it is like to experience and feeeeeeeeeel the powerful energy of love? Do we think that we don't deserve, and thus just take what we can get?

Perhaps at the heart of the ability to engage in healthy communication along the lines we are discussing may be a simple measure of one's own self-respect/self-worth. If one cannot provide something for oneself, how is it then possible to give it away to someone else, I wonder!? Can it come from outside the partnership? Can one take respect gained from X and transfer it over to the partner who is disrespectful, thereby gaining their respect, bit like powering up? Is there any way to do it other than to stop playing games altogether? Can you_{(in general)} be(come) aware of the games you (are) play(ing)? Perhaps your attention is only drawn to the games other people play?!

Peace & Respect
🚣

^{For transparency: I came here as a result of "Steemit Comment Challenge #19", hosted by @danielsaori. It is a 'competition' and I have approached it as such, but without a sense of competing against anyone. This is just my POV, polished up a little for presentation. The subject matter is of great interest to me anyway and I have enjoyed the thought processes involved in my comment/entry. I wanted to post here before there and it's longer than intended...Thank you @tifaong 🌟}

Forgive the indulgence, but this photo is from 2006, taken by a photographer friend with a mind for synchronistic connections. It's a perfect fit and came to mind when writing this. It wants to be here, so here it is: