Knitting a breast enlargement ;-)

in needleworkmonday •  last year  (edited)

I could’t resist… I tried and tried: like putting the new yarn away and forbidding myself to research ravelry – but to no avail. Although I have some project resting in the already mentioned box, I casted on for a new sweater. To be honest I may have researched for hours had a single little glimpse on my favourite section of ravelry and perhaps putting the new yarn at the end of the couch was not far enough away.
So here I am with two new ufo’s. ‘Why two’ you may ask, because my dear fiberfriends, for the first attempt I have chosen the size ‘porn-star’.


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But back to the beginning. For years now, I wanted to make a special little lacey top-down sweater, the Miette cardigan by Andy Satterlund. It is a free pattern and more than two thousand people already made this cardigan. Judging the photos on ravelry, they finished the pattern successfully. The design is meant to be worn with negative ease and is strongly tailored with a very small waist and bust darts. Because I am not as small as the most people who made this sweater and because I do not like snug fitting clothes I decided to make the medium size with thicker yarn and a bigger needle. (You perhaps already know where this will lead…)


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I have chosen a blue-grey tweed yarn from a Netherlands discounter which in hindsight was not a perfect choice, because the lace pattern does not show well. The first 24 rows (the pattern only counts the right-side rows) were made in a rush. The pattern is very well written, and I found no mistakes. In row 25 you must cast on 10 stitches on every side and this was the first moment I turned suspicious, because suddenly the fronts became very big. But I muted my inner voice which told me I had chosen a too big size for the thick yarn and continued. Next step: bust darts. This was a first for me. I have never knitted or crocheted a garment with bust darts. They are made by decreasing 12 stitches on every front, which is fairly easy, so I knitted on and all went well… Up to the point I noticed, that my hips will never fit into these tiny measurements. Again, no problem, I simply modified the pattern and increased some rows, till hips and belly fit inside the cardigan.

After finishing the body of this cardigan, I wanted it so badly to be done I simply continued to work the button band and neckline without trying it on. And now I have a sweater which could accommodate my fictive self after several breast enlargements and some broken rips for a smaller waist…. Or to say it simple: it does not fit.


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My reasonable answer to this problem was to cast on the same sweater again, but in a smaller size. (And I write this in brackets, because I feel a little bit ashamed – I also used a thinner yarn. So maybe this version will be too small. Not sure if I should laugh or search for help.)


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The silver-grey knitting is the new smaller sweater...


So, I presented you some unglamorous photos of me wearing this half-finished sweater. I am so unsure if I should unravel it – what is your advice??? Rip it out or finish the sleeves…??

Help Pleaseeeeeee...............


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Only 1 solution... find a random stranger with a big bust but narrow waist and throw it at them, then run!
It turned out lovely with that yarn, too bad about the sizing!

I love this!!! I want to make a film out of this: me running on the street and throwing the cardigan on people meanwhile I wave my glowing star wars needles ... YEEEESSSSSS

It would be like Cinderella but with a cardigan and the fairy godmother has cool glowing wands! Lol! If the Cardigan fits, you get to go to the ball...

I love your interpretations!!!!

Love your post, but have no idea how to help, I'm actually dreading the moment when I have to approach bust area in my crochet project...
Good luck with it, hope you'll find a solution!

Perhaps I will simply ignore the problem and wear it nevertheless.. :-D THis happens fairly often when I knit garments... I am still not so accomplished to guess the right size.
I cross my fingers for your project !!!! And thank you for commenting <3

Sometimes ignoring the problem is a good idea!
Thanks for your good wishes!

Ahhhh man! It is such a pretty color and design I’d hate for you to just bury it...

Maybe you could unravel it and make a nice scarf for next Fall season since it’s a thicker yarn?!!

The new smaller sweater looks like it’s going in the right direction. Thank you for sharing your dilemma with us and reaching out. I know you’ll figure out the best solution ;)

No unravellllllllinnng pleaaasseee: I realy want to wear this cardigan, perhaps I wil ignore the too big bust area :-D Or I try out @cryptocariad idea to make it smaller with lacing. If nothing helps I will follow @jamethiel advice:

find a random stranger with a big bust but narrow waist and throw it at them, then run!

I understand...you worked hard on it so why wouldn’t you want to wear it?! Haaa yes I think @jamethiel had a great idea!!! 😄

hee hee hee. You made me laugh! :))))) I read and thought that you write about me :)))) I also often have such problems with knitting. I knitted a cardigan to my husband and did not try it on him. then it turned out that on the one hand he is flopped and does not fit properly. I know that I need to dissolve it a bit and get it right but for the present I do not have the courage to do it :))) I like the color of your yarn and the pattern

Happy I could brighten up your day. And I have this problem often in knitting (in crochet I am a bit better to find the right dimensions) Hopefully you will find the courage to finish (and correct) your husbands cardigan, if not: he should still be happy that you make things for him, mine is not so fortunate 😆

I have just gotta say this, you have a beautiful way of writing about your mishaps, I would call it "beautiful imperfection" ☺ .
The funny post name, check
The captivating content, check
Your out of the world poses, check
I'm sorry I know I'm digressing from the topic of finding a solution but I am not versed in that regard have no idea what to do.
Surely with these innovative folks on needlework you'll get a suitable solution🙂.

You made my day!!!! Thank you so much for this lovely compliments 😘 And there seams to be no easy solution to reduce the bust area... Perhaps I will simply wear it as it is and ignore the problem or better call it a 'beautiful imperfection' as you suggested 💕

I like the work on the sweater - it looks really nice! Too funny that it would work great with some breast enlargements. Ha! I had to laugh out loud a few times during your post. I'm glad you shared the sort of final product with us and I look forward to what you do next with it. I don't know anything really about knitting or crochet, so I'm not much help there... ;)

I would like it best if I dared to follow @jamethiel advices:

find a random stranger with a big bust but narrow waist and throw it at them, then run!

But I think I am to inhibited to do this 😆 I simply will finish the sweater and hope it is not to obvious that it does not fit correctly.
After all this sweater made us all laugh a bit

Lol - I love that idea! :) Ha!

I hear you! It is a lovely garment and it looks very nice on, a beautiful shape, but I guess the cups are too full and too obvious? I am not sure what to recommend - unravelling, steeking or cosmetic surgery. Perhaps someone will have a brilliant solution that doesn't involve re-doing it.

I have a brilliant solution: Take me to cyprus!!! Pleasseee... ok i know it maybe unrealistic. But I could sent you my cardigan and your sister then could repair it ( I am dreaming) because I have no idea how to make a steek. And steeking a garment at the bust area seems to be even more difficult....
Perhaps I simply should start something new (my solution for everything) and bury the sweater.

Maybe knitted prosthetic breasts? 😱 I will ask my sister when I am there, she may have a good idea I can post. Alternatively, if the only solution is to bury the sweater, maybe gift the sweater to a pornstar proportioned friend? I myself am very majestic 😍

Currently trying to find an idea using a 'criss cross' design to take in the extra @neumannsalva... I agree with @shanibeer re steeking.

It's a lovely colour and the design is lovely though I personally tend to go for 'square/baggy' designs as I'm (non)figure conscious 😊

The figure hugging cardi is a first for me... I normally also make wider and more boxy items. But perhaps I wanted to challenge myself and now the challenge is to big :-D
I am curious what you mean by "criss-cross" and hope it does not involve me getting implants ;-D
As I told @shanibeer I have never done steeking and have no idea how to do it in the middle of the bust area???
Sigh... waiting impatiently for the criss cross :-D

No worries... no implants @neumannsalva !
I am sure I have seen better designs, but I couldn't find a better one in the time.....This is more or less the concept...

I found it here

Ah yes, like a corset design?

And where would you make the criss-cross? At the side beneath the armpit? Hmmmmm this could be a solution <3

Yes it could be there @neumannsalva... only thing is I am not sure what would happen to the sleeves - would they feel comfortable ? ... Another option could be to put a criss-cross 'design' on the back to take in a bit from both halves (just one down the middle).

for the first attempt I have chosen the size ‘porn-star’.

DEAD. People probably think I'm nuts because I'm laughing my head off😂😂😂 "my fictive self after several breast enlargements" combined with your photos....I am so sorry your sweater didn't work out, but oh my the way you wrote this is hilarious. I vote for unraveling it😉

I also got a kick out of the photo with the full yarn bag...you are indeed a yarn monster!

Yes, I am a yarn monster - nobody can open my wardrobe, because I hide a treasure inside.... a wooly treasure :-D My husband made the photo with the bag of yarn in my arms and I had to laugh myself: I think I look a little bit like Gollum with yarn instead of a ring.
And I am still undecided about the sweater... If my head is ok tomorrow (you know hormones and possible migraines) - I will write about the progress/regress of this sweater (hopefully I come up with a decision)

Oh, this made me cry tears of laughter. I love how you talked through your process: the frustration, the bust darts, the agony of crafting. I love it. You made my day XD

Solution: knit/crochet some padding in the boob area :D

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Oh so happy you like the post (although I am sad, because the sweater still does not fit) Perhaps I should follow you advice and knit myself a new torso :-D

hahaha I'd love to see those pics XD

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hahaha I'd love to see those pics XD

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Hola @eumannsalva. I like your post. It is such a pretty color. I do not have a solution :( . Regards from Venezuela.

Thank you for the compliment and no problem that you have no solution, I think it is really difficult... Perhaps I will ignore the too big bust and simply wear it as it is.