My 2017: Achievements and Failures & Things I've Learned
I saw This AMAZING looking challenge today and knew that I wanted to participate. I like looking back on the year and seeing what worked and even what didn't. I have a LOT more to say on these subjects, but I'll try to avoid writing an entire novel.
Well... 2017 wasn't quite as crazy as 2016 for me. Thankfully.
I moved back to land (the USA) after spending nearly a year living on a sailboat in the Caribbean in October of 2016. I spent most of 2017 living in our old house in a variety of situations with my kids. A large portion of the year was spent apart from my husband and that was shitty and hard and something I definitely consider a 'fail'...
ANYWAY:
Achievements:
*This year I finally had the time and money to work towards my dreams of acting. I took two different classes at The Actor Factory here in Oklahoma AND had a small role in Are You Afraid of the Dark: A Tribute. I consider this a pretty big achievement, since I've been putting off this dream of mine pretty consistently for years because... well, I was a stay at home mom and was always more focused on helping my kids achieve their dreams, so I'm really proud of the fact that I took concrete steps to accomplish this in 2017.
*I am learning to love myself and I've gotten to a point that I am comfortable in my skin. I've posted about my weight loss this year and about the fitness challenge I've joined here on steemit, but I am REALLY happy that I've managed to accomplish all of this already with sustainable habits and a positive, healthy mindset. That is a HUGE accomplishment for me.
*I found steemit and started writing again. This is obviously very new, but has really been life changing for me already. I am so inspired and encouraged by the awesome community here. I've been inspired to write a few short accounts of my real life stuff AND I've been inspired to pour out a lot of creative writing, which makes me really REALLY happy. I'm particularly loving the weekend challenges with @mariannewest #freewrite prompts. The weekends are especially challenging and I LOVE the writing that pours out of me with those challenges! (This is my most recent weekend freewrite: The Family Skeletons)
I really enjoy making the graphics for the stories as well
*I actually did some Open Mic nights at a local coffee shop that has a house band. I had the band just play some blues and I did some songs by purely improvising the lyrics. I think it went really well and I'm really proud of the fact that I stepped outside of my comfort zone and went for it!
*I've spent a LOT of time with my kids this year. Most of them are grown and out of the house, but I still see them often for family nights once or twice a month, they stop by and visit often and I've spent a lot of time with my grandkids as well. That was something that was sorely lacking in 2016, since we were out in the middle of the ocean on a boat (albeit with at least two of our kids with us).
My middle daughter and I actually got Mother Daughter tattoos together this year (she designed them) and I'm SO in love with it <3
Failures:
*I've been married for almost 25 years to this ^ amazing man, my best friend and the guy I consider my soulmate. Our marriage has been... floundering a bit more than usual (of course anyone who has been together this long has ups and downs) and I feel like the fact that we can not seem to get on the same page is a pretty big failure. I know that we can work things out... I just am finding that lately I am feeling really lost when it comes to this relationship that was always my rock before this. It's really fucking difficult and I don't know what to do to fix it at the moment, so instead we just keep keeping on. The fact that the kids are all growing up and moving out is changing the dynamic of our relationship during this same time that we had 'the boat life' and nearly a year of being separated by thousands of miles. It's just a season of hard times, I guess.
Anything else that I've failed at just pales in comparison to that. Everything else is just... stuff or life or basically unimportant to me in the grand scheme of things. The fact that I feel like I'm currently failing at my marriage is really just breaking my heart right now. In spite of the fact that I know that we will figure this out, at the same time it just feels... hopeless and that makes me feel especially lost.
Other posts of mine that you may be interested in:
My Real Life Stories:
My First Tattoo (and other stupid decisions)
The Christmas that Almost Wasn’t (Broke Ass Parenting Win)
Living the Storm (a small story from our life on a sailboat)
@Byn a year on a boat!? That's crazy. Was it nice living on land for a change?
Speaking of land, it sounds like you've set a solid personal foundation in the health and creative departments. That's exciting! I hear you with Steemit inspiration...I've been creating SO much more ever since I discovered the platform. It's definitely an exciting time and perfect to have something like this in my life.
I can relate to the trying times in a relationship. Earlier this year my partner and I had a good four month period where just about every day we just weren't quite "on the same page". Much of it has stemmed from our poly experience so we essentially have invited in the challenges, but nonetheless, it was very challenging and required an incredible amount of communication to work through.
But we got through it eventually and through that experience it became so clear how much stronger our relationship has become.
I guess I share that as my own way of saying, "hang in there!"
I noticed that you used the word "failure" a lot in reference to the relationship. It could be helpful to look for the things that you can say have been a success in your relationship this year.
Sometimes I get lost in my own definitions of things and I know what helps is when I challenge my beliefs with opposing thoughts. That usually helps me see things from a much broader perspective...and sometimes it changes the way I approach my life.
I totally get what you're saying. We've had many ups and downs, but he is the most important person in my life, so when things are feeling rough or unsettled between us, it probably seems even larger than it is. Still, I do appreciate the advice and it is something for me to focus on. I do need to be more positive about it... I was coming off of a somewhat rough patch and guess I was feeling extra negative.
Thanks for the reminder to keep my thoughts positive... and to step back when needed!
Heard that! I can only imagine what kind of stakes are at play with such a long and deep relationship. I'm wishing you the very best and yeah, just wanted to share that advice cuz it's something that helped me. Easy to get caught up in the tough emotions when you're in the thick of it! (as we all know)
Absolutely. I VERY much appreciate the reality check and am already thinking of ways to communicate better (our biggest problem has always been vastly different ways of communicating to the point that it feels like we're speaking different languages!)
I feel like that's always half the battle. Have you read non-violent communcation at all? If not, might be worth checking out. It's a simple process for communicating where you essentially break down what your needs are, what your partner's needs are, and then negotiate and work together to fulfill those needs for each other. If you can't fulfill a need then, instead of arguing about it, you can objectively accept that fact and find alternative means to have those needs fulfilled. It's a fascinating concept and I use it every day! https://www.audible.com/pd/Self-Development/Nonviolent-Communication-Audiobook/B00TJJNSQG?source_code=GPAGBSH0508140001&mkwid=slzOiVHM4_dc&pcrid=167186479893&pmt=&pkw=&product=B00TJJNSQG&pgrid=43266138452&ptaid=pla-303783998804&cvosrc=ppc%20cse.google%20shopping.192854940&cvo_crid=167186479893&cvo_pid=43266138452
I haven't read it, but we don't argue or fight... it's a bit more problematic in that my husband has a serious problem getting in touch with or expressing feelings at all. I'm the volatile passionate one, but I'm getting better... I think!
I'm actually working on something that I'll post later this week that I think will be helpful to us, at least, and maybe other couples who've hit the same issues that we have after so long together!
I'll check out the book, though, because I love reading and learning about different perspectives and communication. I feel like I always learn something!
Aha...makes sense. That seems to be a common problem. A friend of mine was recently dealing with that a lot in her relationship. I think it comes down to finding alternate means of communicating. Everyone can communicate but we don't all communicate in the same way. Non-violent communication isn't just for couples that fight... it's about learning how to communicate needs in a logical way. Which could possibly help if your husband is more analytical or logically based.
He is completely and utterly logic based when it comes to communication, for sure. We will absolutely have a look at it!
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