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RE: Musing Posts

in #musing-threads6 years ago

What is the one thing you regret doing the most ?

Thankfully, I haven't have had my share of extremely bad decisions in my life, yet. But when I really try to think about it the one thing I regret doing the most is starting to smoke cigarettes. Not because it's bad for my health but, because I can't stop.

What do you regret and why?

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I also have made a ton of bad decisions in my life. A lot of them, however, have occurred since this one instance; and although I've never really talked about it publicly before, maybe my remembrance of it upon seeing your question is a sign. 

My mother got really sick with cancer when I was in high school. She had been diagnosed years before and had gone through chemo and what not, but at a certain point it got much worse. I went to an "alternative" high school in which many kids were allowed to do their schoolwork online due to athletic sponsorships/obligations. When her condition started to worsen I requested to finish the year of school from home so I could look after her. I think the school was into it, but my mother outright told me no; that she didn't want to get in my way or something like that. No matter how much I pushed she wouldn't allow it and the idea fell by the wayside. 

I was home for Thanksgiving the following year and her condition had gotten much worse. She was in a hospital bed with a full time nurse looking after her in the living room. I was in a very bad state- she and I had a much stronger connection than anyone else in my own life. I stayed up for days on end sitting by her bedside just watching over her. One night, the nurse asked if I should go to bed- after I had been up for a few days with a few random hours of sleep once. I told her no, that I was going to stay up. She persisted, and I gave in, thinking I could use a little bit of rest for the next stint. 

When I woke up the next morning she had passed. It was the most horrible feeling in the world. I struggled with depression before that but it got much, much worse afterwards. I think many of the bad mistakes I've made since have been the result of never forgiving myself for going to bed that night. 

The fact that it is something I regret most kinda makes it something i shouldn't be proud to talk about in social media. There are so many things I regret in life but the most in it is one secret I can't share here but I can tell you why I regret it. It changed my life and since then my life has never been the same. Sometimes I wish I can take back the hand of time and make things right but it's already too late.

All that is left for me is to make sure I do not repeat such mistake again and to help others around me never to make such mistake again.

I really do regret letting a girl slip away

I still remember when that time come

"nothing can stay as it is, no one can stay by your side forever"

This really was a highschool story in my life . . .

I regret the time when I think that a person's feelings towards me will never change. 

I regret the time when a certain person change

I regret the time when a certin person stopped showing her love and care for me.

There was this certain girl who claims to love me back, always showinglove and affection to me. Always doing unexpected things to make me look at her. Always pushing herself to me.

I was kind of happy that time, knowing that a certain person was been in love with me but I do have a problem.

I don't appreciate the things that she is doing.

I gets annoyed by her presence, I get angry to her whenever she shows that she cares for me, I get irritated when she was around - so I pushed her away

That was one of the biggest regret in my life

She gets tired and choose not to force herself, she gets tired that she stopped loving me.

This time I realized "Nothing in this world is permanent, everything do change"

I try to chase her back then, but I was already late.

It was already late realizing that I do also love her, it was already late realizing that she now have change

I don't regret anything I did, because I love my life as it is now, and each and everything that I experienced on the way here, formed my life until what it is now. 

But, if there's one thing I need to chose, I would chose "being afraid". That's one thing I shouldn't have done.

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