NOTE TO SELF: FROM TRASH TO TREASURE
I wrote this "Note To Self" in 2013 and it is still a major source of motivation for me, especially because it reminds me of where I have been and where I am and where I am going to be... As it is Monday, I hope you find this every bit inspiring as I always do when I go back to it... Enjoy...
It felt liberating to tell myself things, upped my esteem a lot. Writing to yourself means you understand what you are going through and you can be better. It means you appreciate yourself and that means you are not bothered if someone else does. I won’t stop writing to myself. That’s certain.
Dear Child of God,
Looking back, I wondered if you truly had a childhood. You were caught up in so many things that you forgot to live. Although you ran around your house half naked trying to do what you saw others do, you never really had fun. Your heart was never there. You were bothered about the way you lived in the fear of your parents especially your father. You often wondered if your parents were truly your parents or the kind of life you would live if you had been born to another family. You would imagine how lovely it would be if your father didn’t have to beat you every time for every little thing you do. You would fantasize about a fairy tale childhood you want and scribble it on a paper or a note.
You’ve always felt very different amongst your siblings. You felt like a burden they had pity on. You were hurt, shunned and broken. You felt like an outcast in your own home. I’ve watched go off on your own and did things because you knew no one cared or no one would notice. I’ve watched you fight for attention from friends and strangers; the attention you were not getting at home. I’ve watched you mingle with the wrong kind of friends. I’ve seen them teach you many things. Although you struggled with the truth and sin, you fell anyways. You did whatever you wanted because no one was watching. You felt it was better to hurt the selfish ones in your life with your attitude. Most times, you want to stop but you couldn’t. I’ve heard you wonder aloud if they really were bothered about the many things I was doing, maybe you were not their child.
I’ve watched you battle with a pain that was growing in your heart and numbing you. What is there to live for? You cried and looked for who to comfort you but you found none. Family and friends were nowhere to be found. Daily, you would cry as you remember the pain that never wants to go, the memory of a dark night that keeps coming back. You wonder if life was really worth it. You turned to drugs, alcohol and all forms of drug abuse because in them you found a bit of solace. You had no vigour for life anymore. Your passions, your dreams are all blown away. You blame different people for your misfortune. They were not looking, they should have noticed the changes in you, the ones that you call friends don’t care; those were your thoughts. You thought no one cared but you were wrong.
You were caught up in your mess, you did not look around you. People were hurt by your actions. Friends think you’ve pushed them away and family thought you’ve been influenced by wayward friends. They wondered what happened to that calm, quiet girl. You stopped blaming people and you started looking up to God. You found in Him the peace you’ve been searching for.
I watch you rely on God totally. You’ve stopped hating everyone that have wronged you. You’ve started loving your father and you’ve forgiven him. You forgiven and forgotten about your dark night and I’ve watched your confidence grow. Within months that you found God, you’ve become a better person who doesn’t have to strive for attention. You’ve learned to forgive easily and let things go. The anger you’ve been building all these years have dissipated and you find yourself laughing more and more everyday. You are always grateful for the little you have and you’ve learned how to give freely without holding back. No more malice or hatred in your heart. You find yourself longing to please God more. You are breaking new grounds that you thought impossible.
Child of God, it is great to witness these changes in you. You are destined for greatness and you are working towards that. You’ve let go of the past and started working towards the future that God has for you. You are so strong that I’m proud to be you. You are learning everyday and I’m glad you are better than they thought you would be. Do not give ears to those who would try to talk you down. Stay away from those that would remind of your past and not your future. Run away from anything that will tempt you to go back into your past. Remain steadfast in God and give your ear-time to him alone. Trust in God and understand that only He has the say over your life. Put it in your mind that men were created from dust and the words or thoughts of dust carries no weight. The counsel of men is foolishness, the counsel of God can never be wrong.
You are beautiful, intelligent, kind, smart, strong, virtuous and a royal diadem to God. You believe in yourself and I love you for that. You are christian with a true heart of repentance; a believer. God loves you, you know this and it is all that matters. You know who you are and know who you stand for. As I watch you live again in Christ Jesus, I smile everyday knowing that I could not have asked for a better me. Dako Alice Temitope, keep loving God and you will always be a limitless child of an unlimited God! Remember that “different” is good. A different person in Christ stands out always.
Posted by theinkheart!