My Most Shameful Subject and How I'm Turning It Around

I'm writing about a really vulnerable and shameful subject for me: money.

I found a $5 bill on the ground in the most unlikely place early this morning. Does anything feel more magical than finding cash? Anyone who sees it will pick it up, so your timing has to be perfect to run into it.

I found it in an unlikely place that I associate with being poor. To me, this is extra meaningful. I'm always open to the messages of the universe, so of course I see a message in my finding this. You can find abundance wherever you are.

What's the most ashamed you've ever felt over money?

Wow, that question fills me with shame when I ask it to myself, because I realize there are more than I can count, and that I feel shame about money probably every single day.

My life partner and I chose not to sell our time doing something we don't want to do for money. We both follow our dreams and support each other in following ours. There's a limited belief that I have here that says, well, if you do what you love and you don't sell your time for something you don't want to do, then you sacrifice the money.

The first negative encounter I remember with money was on take your daughter to work day when I was around 10-years-old. My mom pulled into the parking lot of the hospital where she worked and became very anxious. She might be a minute late. She cannot clock in one minute late. I watched my mom run into the hospital to clock in on time. That impacted me for the rest of my life.

My dad looked at his work as a sacrifice. He would never choose to do it. He had to do it. And in the midwest where I grew up, nothing is more valiant than sacrificing your happiness to make money. The more hours you work doing that thing you don't want to do, the more virtuous you are.

Maybe some of you will correct me, but what I saw of the midwest when I was growing up was you do not work for yourself. It is honorable only to work for someone else. Maybe that's just my experience that I'm projecting out to the whole area, but my experience was that working for yourself was not valued. You were if you worked for someone else and you sacrificed. Hard work. It's a moral thing in the midwest. If you don't work hard you are a piece of shit. And they have no qualms about telling you that. If you don't sacrifice and work hard, you deserve to be shamed. They had no qualms about doing this to us with our unconventional life. It cost us our relationship because there's nothing I hold dearer than our freedom and our dreams and our dignity and our power to choose our path and our desire to blaze our own and follow our hearts.

As a little girl I deplored school. But when I told my parents of this they simply told me "Wait until you have to have a job." I thought that surely because they're adults they have more freedom than me. Surely they can at least go to the bathroom when they need to or talk to a coworker when they want to.

But I knew no other way. It's not like when I was a child I was thinking woe is me I am resigned to a whole life of suffering and slavery to the dollar, but I didn't know anything else, and this paradigm was firmly planted into my being.

My parents would buy homes for a deal, and we would move into them and fix them up and then sell them for more and then do it again. I got another negative message about money because as soon as I could start to feel at home somewhere, they would move us to get more money. This did give them a leg up financially though, and I'm glad they had a way to make money for themselves that didn't involve selling their time. Because of this when I was a teenager I was moved to Florida. In fact, we moved to one of the richest cities in the country. We were not rich. (Although if I had that amount of money now, I would definitely consider myself rich.) At this point we were middle class to upper middle class. But the wealth was never shared with me. My bedroom was always sub-par. They didn't enjoy buying me things. They splurged on nice things for themselves like a Corvette, but for me they bought me a laughable 1970s ghetto cruiser. Don't laugh at my woe is me first world white girl grievances. When you're coming up you get the message, you're not worth us spending money on.

I rebelled in Florida and for the first time I started questioning things. I met my life partner and we both vowed not to live that life. We were going to look for something better. At just 22 he opened up his own graphic design business from our home, and I worked with him getting him clients in real estate and such. We were scraping by. In the early 2000s entrepreneur wasn't a respected thing. And you're surely not very respected at 22 as a business owner. But oh, how we wanted to be successful doing our own thing. My family, however, shamed us for what we were doing.

But we never stopped. We worked a few jobs intermittently as we saw fit, but we were never willing to do things we didn't want to do. It feels like death to us.

I started my own business selling things online. I have a vintage clothing store on etsy. Oh, I love it. It gives me freedom over my own time. I relish that. And at any moment I can find something that's worth a lot of money. Any moment!

I remember watching an Earl Nightingale video a year after I started doing this about "Think and Grow Rich." It was the first time I had ever heard that I was unlimited and I could get rich. It was such a foreign concept to me, but how liberating! How empowering! How exciting! So I decided, "Ok, well I'm going to get rich."

I've been expecting it any day now for five years. :)

I found Bob Proctor, and I was introduced to the teachings of Abraham-Hicks, and I found Gary Vaynerchuk, and I devoted myself to learning. As they say, permanent change takes time. And I've had a lot of kinks to work out.

We hope that we can get rich doing what we love. We believe it. But we have some deeply held conflicting beliefs. They're powerful. But we stay on track. We do not give up.

Here's one of my most shameful moments with money that's going to completely turn the tide for me:
There's a Kundalini yoga teacher who I highly admired who changed my life. I found out he was going to be doing a teacher training right here in my city. This was such a big deal for me. It's like the whole entire universe orchestrated it just for me. For all these years I knew I was a teacher and a healer, and I didn't know what my avenue was to do that kind of work. Here it was. Destiny. There was no question I had to take this training. The training cost way more money than I thought I could make, but I was determined. There was no doubt I had to go. I declared I would make the money. I hoped, and I read books, and I devoted myself.

But I didn't do it. And I had to stand there in front of that teacher who I so admired and so wanted to respect me and tell him that I didn't have the money for the class.

The level of shame and disgust I felt at myself would boggle your mind. I was a puddle on the floor. I was a three-year-old child. I left there and I wailed. The kind of cry where you're gasping for air. For hours. I fell to pieces. Every bit of shame and disgust and worthlessness I ever felt was there.

Yes, I got to do the training. We agreed to a payment plan. And in the months to come I would put those pieces back together in a new way.

When I completed that training I made the decision that it was time. It was really, really time to have success. To be success. I was not going to settle for less anymore. So to grok this commitment, I committed myself to doing a Kundalini yoga prosperity meditation every. single. day. until I achieve financial success. (I recorded a video to teach it to you yesterday. )

Kundalini yoga works, and if you commit yourself to something, know that you are going to become it. So sure enough, my blocks and limiting beliefs started coming up, and I started to analyze them more closely and moving through them.

At the same time, my life was becoming really prosperous. My relationships and the way I felt. I felt powerful. I felt joyful and hopeful and I was aligning with wealth and prosperity and worthiness and deservedness.

Even my husband had 9k people in his Twitch stream. Donations were pouring in, subscriptions to his channel, compliments on his beard, people loving his stream, telling him he was the next big streamer. It was totally exhilarating and invigorating. I've never felt anything like it. It felt better than I imagine winning the lottery would feel.

Things wound down for him, and we didn't become millionaires from that yet, but this showed me a new world and a new relationship with money that was better than anything I had ever experienced or anything that I ever imagined could be possibile. Imagine NINE THOUSAND people complimenting the hell out of you and what you've worked so hard and devotedly to build and sending you money. You'll never be the same after that. And I have to admit that it scared me.

Over a period of time my bitcoin had grown significantly, and now that I was better aligned with prosperity, I started wondering about this. What is the blockchain? A new world opened up to me. What I saw with bitcoin was free money. To me it was free. If you see what I believed about money as a child, and then I got $800 USD from writing a few articles that just sat there and made me money..... that is life changing. It was in line with everything I had been studying about the law of attraction and devoting myself to. And I saw that this was an opportunity for everything I've always wanted.

I had a divinely inspired meeting with someone who does crypto investing full time, and I was IN. I got sucked into this new world so hard. I feel a level of eagerness like I've never felt before. This is my calling. It's exhilarating to be around all these people on the fringes of society making shit happen. They're devoted to getting rich in this unconventional way. They're like me! Only one of them at our meet up worked a job at a company, and he only did it so he could invest more. The opportunity is so huge it's intoxicating. You see people like Ian Balina who made $4.7 m in less than twelve months. You see the charts, and you realize that if you invested in that, you would get thousands of dollars for free. (Don't correct me on the free. To me, that's free. :) ) People becoming millionaires! People like me becoming millionaires!

So, here I am, Steemit. This is where I am today, on the verge of this new world that sucked me in like a vortex of everything I've always wanted. I'm s o excited about where we're all going together. I'm so excited about the projects we're investing in. I'm so excited about the transfer of wealth to us. It's a new story! It's a new future, and here we are right on the ground floor of it making it happen. This is the way I want to get rich. In a way that changes humanity for the better. In a way that makes us all rich together.

I feel that I'm part of a new journey and a new story about money for everybody.

This new world is giving me a new level of confidence and eagerness. It's a knowing. It's a full trusting. I feel the rest of my life falling into place. I'm becoming more confident in myself and looking at how successful people behave and coming closer to that way of being.

I am making a decision. To be in power over money and not let it scare me and make me go down a rabbit hole of despair anymore. I am choosing a new story for myself. I am now in the energy of deciding.

Writing this article that makes me feel vulnerable is my declaration that I will not feel dirty about money anymore. I will feel eager and empowered, and I know that that will be easier for me in this new world. This crypto world!

I'M in control, money! Not you!

Thanks for reading.

This is OUR time.

Part two is here!

If you're feeling generous:
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Ethereum ->

Bitcoin Cash ->