We all have someone or several people we feel ill will toward. Maybe it’s because they harmed us and we feel justified in our resentment. It’s perfectly natural to feel this way and if we are not taught a way out of this dilemma we may carry these feelings around with us and some people will do this for an entire lifetime. This is understandable. Forgiveness is not the default position for human beings, sadly, revenge is and we see how this plays out in our personal lives with friends, family members, our society and the world.

This is very important to remember as there are some people in our society that have been injured very badly by abuse, war, the list goes on. Positive thinking is not the appropriate response to their pain and the Buddhist path points this out with great care and compassion. That is why the first step in this process is compassion for the self. Let’s look again at the six steps:

1. Understanding the defilements and working to overcome them
2. Toward ourselves
3. Toward our loved ones
4. Toward people to whom we feel neutral
5. Toward those with whom we are having conflicts
6. Toward all sentient beings

Moving along this line of progression trains us little by little more and more to face the more difficult challenges in life with others whether they be someone we know or others we don’t know personally but use their positions to hurt human beings. This is not to be undertaken lightly that is why in Buddhism the path is points to taking refuge in The Three Jewels, The Buddha, The Dharma and The Sangha. The Buddha being an enlightened teacher but it some cases when that teacher has not been found a skilled therapist can be helpful until an appropriate teacher comes into one’s path. Some of us have heard the saying when the student is ready the teacher appears and looking at this from a scientific perspective this can be understood as if we are not psychologically and emotionally ready to take certain steps we will not be able to see a teacher even if they were right in front of us due to unaddressed negativity bias and confirmation bias meaning we see what matches our beliefs.

Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

It is impossible to move along this path without concern for others who are suffering. What I mean by that is twofold:

1. Concern for others naturally comes out of the real progress made by sincerely practicing the first three stages thus by cultivating the foundation of compassion within ourselves

2. Non-sincere approach to these teachings, non-practice will not remove the kleshas (negative seeds in the mind) so compassion will be impossible and enlightenment and wisdom will remain out of reach

By the time we get to practicing metta-bhavana at this stage of with people with whom we have conflicts we will be well on our way to cultivating the necessary inner strength to conquer any negative tendency including the desire to demonize those who have done us harm. Again, not to be undertaken without the proper training in the first six stages and ideally with a teacher or therapist.

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

We’re All In This Together

One of the most interesting examples of having compassion for those that trespass against society by committing crimes that harm over even kill others in secular life are Restorative Justice and rehabilitation of prisoners in Scandinavian countries. In 2003 * The Atlantic * reported:

Yet inside the four high-security prisons I’ve visited in Denmark, Norway, Sweden and Finland, common areas included table tennis, pool tables, steel darts, and aquariums. Prisoner art ornamented walls painted in mild greens and browns and blues. But the most profound difference is that correctional officers fill both rehabilitative and security roles. Each prisoner has a “contact officer” who monitors and helps advance progress toward return to the world outside—a practice introduced to help officers avoid the damage experienced by performing purely punitive functions: stress, hypertension, alcoholism, suicide, and other job-related hazards that today plague American corrections officers, who have an average life expectancy of 59. * The Atlantic *

The difference between the United States response to crime, punishment, justice and incarceration and Scandinavian countries is that the topic of criminal punishment does not enter into political debate to be solved by legislators. It is passed into the hands of skilled psychologists and other professionals who shape their prison system by evidence based practices. Their approach is humane for the prisoners and the officers. As noted above in the quote from The Atlantic article the health problems that afflict US prison workers can be deadly.

The psychology behind this is this: When you inflict harm on others who cannot defend themselves in a dominating way you disturb the natural functioning of the nervous system. This creates a form of PTSD and trauma in the person meting out these kinds of punishments. On top of the health problems this can cause the person that is held responsible for ??? inhumane punishments and procedures these kinds of behaviors can follow them into their personal lives in the form of domestic violence and other types of interpersonal violence. As you can see, it is in our best interest as a society to treat those that have aggrieved in a criminal manner and inflicted harm onto people in a way that is wise and humane. As the old saying goes, and I paraphrase, “Harboring resentment and hatred is like hanging onto a burning coal. It will hurt you if you don’t let it go.

Conclusion

This is just skimming the surface of the practices and the psychology behind them but I hope that you can see the wisdom that I have tried to share in these essays about why these practices are so powerful and why this philosophy and practice is timeless and there is a global awakening occurring and a rallying cry to transform our world and why it is so difficult with the methods to overcome the negative tendencies of humankind and spread peace, love and kindness for a better world for all of us.

What do you think?

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@soulsistashakti is a musical artist and writer based in NYC as well as a practitioner of Buddhist teachings. You can check out my music on my FB artist page at https://www.facebook.com/soulsistashakti