In the last essay on The Three Poisons we saw that we merely need to be aware of the defilements and the kleshas which are the negative seeds that we carry within us as human beings. We also saw the scientific agreement with this truth in the negativity bias that helped our species survive. So we have it, it is in every one of us and just that bit of knowledge can lead us on the path of compassion, and is the first stage of metta-bhavana which again is:

1. Understanding the defilements and working to overcome them
2. Toward ourselves
3. Toward our loved ones
4. Toward people we feel neutral toward
5. Toward those with whom we are having conflicts
6. Toward all sentient beings

Photo by Greg Rakozy on Unsplash

Compassion Toward Ourselves?

So, now that we have number one under our belts lets discuss number two compassion * toward ourselves *. In the 5th century a foundational Buddhist text was written on metta-bhavana, called Visuddhimagga by a scholar of Buddhism at the time named Buddhaghosa and it known as the great treatise and is also generally known as Path of Purification. In it he warns of trying to move down the path of compassion towards others before we have a strong foundation of compassion for ourselves and knowledge of the defilements. Without it we run the risk of awakening difficult emotions that we are not ready to resolve because we have not established a base of metta toward ourselves or as taking very seriously a ground zero in our efforts which is in ourselves.

We have acknowledged the defilements and we work to understand their true nature. This is so important that not taking this part of the path seriously is to completely destroy any effort to moving forward on the path of purification and the complete destruction of suffering.. This is not an opinion. An example would be like going to the doctor and being diagnosed with a potentially deadly illness brought on by ingesting poison. The prescription is an ongoing transfusion of the blood and fresh air. We feel much after receiving some preliminary medication in preparation for the transfusion so we leave the hospital to take in some fresh air. We can see how this will not end well.

We counter The Three Poisons and the defilements and kleshas that arise out of them like hatred and anger for instance by developing patience and tolerance toward ourselves. Patience and tolerance are know as the advantages and they are of the utmost importance to begin to understand metta as well as a practical way to think of them in the context of the beginning of self-discipline which is to say understanding that now we are learning to not let our minds run away with themselves. Another way of looking at an advantage in the practice of metta is something that makes our effort easier. Yes easier. If this sounds like a lot of work think of it this way: it’s much easier than dealing with the fallout of a negative seed that has taken root, has grown and now we have a mess on our hands. It is more powerful to take the gentle path of compassion for ourselves so we are prepared with the defilements assert their presence. Because once they do it can be very easy to succumb to them.

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Starting With Oneself

Later on down the road we will illustrate the concept of no-self but a little about that here is negative seeds in the mind help the illusion persist of a selves or more accurately selves and what I mean by that is how you can be one self at work one self with certain family members and suddenly another self or personality traits that emerge with friends and on and on. The compassion for oneself put another way means this: compassion is directed inward. Only by beginning to build the foundation of compassion as an inner intention can it later be directed outward to others.

There are people towards whom loving-kindness should not be attempted to be cultivated in the first stages of metta. Trying this toward someone you dislike is emotionally taxing, and likewise trying develop toward a dearly beloved friend would not be able to be undertaken without falling into positive bias and when an enemy is brought forth anger may overwhelm you. At first it should not be attempted towards people of whom you have sexual attraction because lust may arise.

At the very beginning the meditation of loving-kindness known as metta should be developed towards oneself over and over in this way from the Visuddhimagga "May I be happy and free from suffering" or "May I keep myself free from hostility, anger and trouble and live happily." Keep in mind that this won’t have the full effect of fully permeated effect of contemplation of metta that will only be when we direct outwards but we have to start here. Only by cultivating thoughts such as "May I be happy" can one begin to be concerned about the welfare and happiness of other living beings, and to somehow sense their happiness as if it were one's own: "Like I want happiness and want to avoid pain, the same as I want to live and fear dying, so do all other beings." So, we first become familiar with permeate oneself as the first and easiest example with loving-kindness on the path to purification. Only until then we can choose someone we like or admire and respected without bias entering the picture. Then the meditation can be developed towards them, remembering endearing their speech or their virtues and thinking thoughts about then like "I wish happiness for them." Finally full permeation of the contemplation where the words disappear and we are left with the fruits of the practice are attained and we have a shift in consciousness.

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Unconscious Signals From Ourselves

Why are people enamored with celebrities? I think it’s because on a very deep level we realize that it is very important to put ourselves first before we be for others and it is obvious that that is what these people do. It’s also important to not get stuck in that stage and we have seen how that works out with people who become obsessed with fame or accumulating wealth and power. Howard Hughes comes to mind. If you don’t know the story he was obsessed with building his companies and his wealth and became a shut-in afraid of touching things and in the end could not relate to other people (his mother was also a germaphobe but he became much worse).

I believe our culture’s fascination with celebrities is actually a signal from inside ourselves that we should also put ourselves first but we get mixed signals from society that tell us we must follow certain rules – rules that actually benefit people addicted to fame and power! So it leaves us not knowing what to do and as a result many people feel trapped. The good news is that the solution is not to seek out wealth, fame or power as the answer to what ails us but to have compassion for ourselves. As we engage in that process and we begin to see clearly the real solutions begin to present themselves to us.

Photo by Jan Tielens on Unsplash

I hope this illustrates the wisdom of why the practice of loving kindness starts with ourselves and why it needs to before moving on to others. One final thought on beginning with ourselves is that it has an effect on the people around us because when we commit to be kind to ourselves we are more peaceful and relaxed and this has a ripple effect to our environment. After we have learned what to do and why in metta-bhavan we see loving-kindness metta practice in a guided meditation. Next we will take a deeper look at the process of directing loving-kindness outwards.

What do you think?

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@soulsistashakti is a musical artist and writer based in NYC as well as a practitioner of Buddhist teachings. You can check out my music on my FB artist page at https://www.facebook.com/soulsistashakti