RE: Hanspot: Dating “Mannerism,” Marriage through Defeat
I love me a good rant @manouche, but this is honestly a very thoughtfully structured explanation that could easily become multiple posts.
I definitely understand a great deal of what you're dealing with and I can see it all around me when it comes to friends and family. I have an older female cousin in her mid 30s and every day seems to be an emotional war zone of family anxiety, even though she owns a very successful business and is in no rush to settle down.
The educational qualification for marriage is a great point and I see many Korean families in particular dolling out 100s of thousands of dollars for an Ivy League education that they have absolutely no expectations for other than appeasing their daughter's potential spouse. The lack of professional expectation is really damning and it is painful to watch the people who shield you suffer the barrage of pressure.
I will say thought that there is hope. Up until the moment I myself said my vows, the question of marriage was a huge anxiety for my and my now wife's family. If I can pass off any semblance of advice, it is to focus almost completely on yourself and your wellbeing in terms of social life and work. I honestly don't see any way of really mitigating this part of more conservative cultures and temporary escape is the best course of action until you're really ready to 'settle down.' When you finally do, the only thing anyone cares about is if you're healthy/happy.
Until the question of children...............
Love how you put 'settle down' in quotes. Because I hate the term!!
My flatmate in Seoul is 32 and one of the smartest people I know. She's started her own company and has developed an impressive portfolio within a year and yet all she hears from people around her is 'When do you get married?'.
Oh well, thanks for the reassuring words @hansikhouse. My strategy is to escape by leaving the country at any opportunity that presents itself. Then I'm not so worried because with society it truly is 'out of sight, out of mind'. They only care when they can see you stand out in their surroundings.
Let's keep children for another post ;)