Born to love taught to hate

in #love7 years ago (edited)

I once interviewed Shirley Phelps Roper for a paper I was writing. Shirley Phelps is one of the lead members of Westboro Baptist Church (WBC). Sounds innocent enough but this is not your average family baptist church. One of the lessons I learned about this particular group is they thrive on any media attention, good or bad. I will not be adding any pictures of their signs. They are easy enough to find. They are known for their vile slogans against LGBT people, Catholics , Orthodox Christians , Muslims , Jews, American soldiers and politicians. In most recent history they are known for conducting anti-gay protests at military funerals, with signs like "God Hate Fags", "thank God for dead soldiers," "God blew up the troops," "thank God for 9/11," and "God hates America."

I came to know about them in the late 90's from the Matthew Shepard story. If you do not know this story you should.

"In October 1998 in the middle of the prairie outside Laramie, Wyoming, Matthew Shepard, a 21 year old student at the University of Wyoming, was tied to a fence post, severely beaten, robbed, , tortured and left, alone, to die. His body -- battered, bloody, barely clinging to life -- was discovered eighteen hours later. He was rushed to the hospital and put on life support. He died five days later. The reason for this brutal crime? Matthew Shepard was gay."
From http://stageagent.com/shows/play/4642/the-laramie-project

As horrible as that story is what happened when the WBC came to rally at the funeral of Matthew Shepard and the trial of his murderers was inspiring and continues to inspire. And it is of particular importance today. Young students dressed as angels and used their wings to cover the horrible signs the WBC displayed from view of the family completing encircling them.


AP Photo/Ed Andrieski

For more photos see http://trib.com/news/state-and-regional/gallery-matthew-shepard-a-look-back-in-photos/collection_da85576a-2dee-11e3-bc32-0019bb2963f4.html#1

I was lucky enough to catch the play done by the Laramie Project in my hometown. I left crying, in shock but also with a sense of hope. The way the anti hate protesters dealt with the WBC was something we can all learn from.

I also wanted to understand how such a group as the WBC could exist? They seemed to hate everything and in the name of Christianity. It made no sense to me. They must be mad I thought. I also wondered how the people that killed Matthew got to such a place of hate that it consumed their hearts enough to brutally torture another human being to death. That answer is fairly simple. They were taught to.

There is plenty to read on the internet. The movie is very well done and can be found for free here.

The WBC has had a countdown clock on their website claiming to show the number of days Matthew has been burning in hell. It was the event and protests around Matthew Shepherd that cast them into the national spotlight. Like herpes they never seem to go away.

You can read about the WBC here in more depth
http://addictinginfo.com/2015/07/12/9-facts-that-westboro-baptist-church-would-rather-you-not-know-about-them/

So this is how I found myself on the other end of a phone call with Shirley Phelps. With her young children at the time in the background she began to answer my questions as if we were discussing yesterday's school ball game and not the brutal murder of a young man or the soldiers who gave their life for our country which they protest regularly.

In brief, they believe in a form of hyper calvinism, where everyone is predestined at birth to go to heaven or hell. Christ died for a select few and no amount of atonement will change that. That is a very simple explanation of a very complex religious ideology that I am sorely short on knowledge to speak in any more depth. But they do not protest to convert nor add to their ranks. Their mission is solely to tell us how damned we are all and that is it.

When I asked her about God hating she made no bones about it. They believe God hates. That God hates those who are for one not predestined to go to heaven but also who break any moral code they believe they have interpreted. This basically includes the entire United States with the exception of their small group of members most of whom are related and are also lawyers.

What stunned me was how normal she sounded. She was not stupid. She was not a raving lunatic. At least that would make sense. Her beliefs may be crazy but they are not to her. No, she seemed by all accounts to be very normal. She could be your neighbor. In fact she sounded so normal it creeped me out.

So what did I learn from this encounter? What's the lesson? It only reinforced what I think is something that bears repeating, especially in such a climate as we find ourselves in today. People are taught to hate. We are not born to hate. We are born to love. As children we don't care about the color of one's skin, whom they love or how they worship. No, hate is learned and hate is taught. In this case they are sadly born and indoctrinated.

However, in recent years several brave Phelps family members have dropped out. Two being Megan Phelps and her little sister Grace, Megan shared a post that read in part -

"In a city in a state in the center of a country lives a group of people who believe they are the center of the universe; they know Right and Wrong, and they are Right. They work hard and go to school and get married and have kids who they take to church and teach that continually protesting the lives, deaths, and daily activities of The World is the only genuine statement of compassion that a God-loving human can sincerely make. As parents, they are attentive and engaged, and the children learn their lessons well.

This is my framework.

Until very recently, this is what I lived, breathed, studied, believed, preached – loudly, daily, and for nearly 27 years.

I never thought it would change. I never wanted it to.

Then suddenly: it did.

And I left.

Where do you go from there?

I don't know, exactly. My sister Grace is with me, though. We're trying to figure it out together. "


Pic credit to

Love can be re-taught. Love is our default at birth. Our actions and our choices should reflect this. Love breeds more love and hate breeds more hate. Spread love! Be that light that causes people such as Megan to make the change. And when they do support them. It was a single twitter conversation that led to Megan and her sister Grace leaving the WBC. Our words and actions matter. And when hate reveals itself, stand up, block their message of hate with a message of love.

Lastly, teach your children well.

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Wasn´t it the Buddha who said,
"Hating someone is like drinking poison
and hoping the other person will die."?
One would think, that loving is so much easier than hating,
but apparently people find it easier to hate than to love
and I can only imagine that this is because they have more self-hate than self-love inside of them.
To be able to truly love other people you must love yourself first,
because otherwise this so-called love is only a projection of one´s needs onto other people, who will never be able to fully fulfill it anyway.
But if you hate someone, they will always be able to fulfill your needs.

Very good point about self hate and being able to love yourself first. In situation where people are taught hate as a form of love... I can't imagine how screwed up inside they must be.
That particular quote is very hard to trace, I tried. He did say something very similar about resentment. But nonetheless true. - I wanted to add that the people who killed young Matthew were also young and one was female. They were over 18 but still very young. I imagine they were raised in a climate where racism, intolerance and homophobia thrive and is normalized how else could three young people come to decide this was a good thing to do unless they were taught it.

There is always the odd violent psychopath where their minds are not right from birth but this was not that. We sadly dealt with that in my hometown recently where a young man brutally murdered a young child. This happened too close to me and my friends. Yes his childhood was not great, but it wasn't horrible either. He was raised around good people. I have to think those are two separate kinds of issues. Sorry off track a bit. Memories still raw.

Your post made me cry. I'm focusing on all the good. Powerful words.

Thank you Melinda, yeah I got emotional about it all over again today for some reason. Then I decided to re watch the movie. Probably not my best decision. Warning the first scene is his murder. A really tough watch.
But it was a well done movie for its time. And there is a message of hope in it. It certainly deals with the problem of hate from many perspectives.

Trying to understand the ununderstandable is not easy. We all have our frameworks through our parents and education exactly as you are saying. Love is the key, nice post

Thank you for reading it. It is so true. I am blessed to have been raised by decent parents.

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Any minnow quality content creator can signup.

Would be nice to also add your membership to MAP.

@tim-rumford Thanks. I spent ages studying groups a while back and never really looked at the Christian ones because there are so many of them (and as I'm not a Christian I preferred not to get into it in case I misinterpreted anything). But there was always this very weird looking group that was so out there I had to wonder if it was actually REAL! Yes, that was WBC. So thanks for this very interesting probe....they are real then. Could raising a child in hate (any kind of hate) be considered emotional/psychological abuse? it is SO against nature, as you say.

Thanks! If there was a law about it they surely have been through court about it, likely more than once. There second hobby is suing people. Also members give up 30% of their income.
Yeah sadly they exist. And while I have many problems with christianity, this particular odd church is certainly far from the norm.

You're so right. None of us are born learning to hate because of the so called " differences that we learn later on in life. We don't know anything about hating someone because of who they are. It's ridiculous how we segregate ourselves based on skin color,sexual orientation, religious affiliation, our monetary status, and so much more. I still remain hopeful that this world can still become more equalized and sympathetic as time goes by. It's way past time!

Yes so true, thanks for taking the time to read my post.

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