For those of you who do not know, November is world adoption month. This means that every year, during this month, organisations, NPO's, orphanages and families around the world raise awareness about adoption and celebrate it. The question is, is adoption something that should be celebrated?

I became a mother just over 3 years ago, after years of fertility treatments, my hubby and I decided to adopt. Just a few months after filing a tree's worth of paperwork, we were matched with a happy and healthy 4 month old bouncing baby boy - we were blessed, we were ecstatic, we were complete. For us the adoption process was smooth sailing from start to finish, we were lucky, because to date I have heard horror stories of how families have been waiting years to be matched (even in South Africa where hundreds of babies are abandoned every month!) and how the Department of Social Development fails birth parents, adoptive parents and sadly, the children who are waiting for their families. 

So, as for using the month of November to create awareness about adoption, there's absolutely no doubt that awareness does need to be raised and to a vast degree - especially here in South Africa where baby homes and orphanages are overflowing with little souls who deserve a whole lot more than what they have been given. Baby homes, foster homes and orphanages need to be pulled into the limelight and need to be given assistance and support where it is due. Pregnant women and birth fathers need to be made aware of their options (before and after babies are made) and families need to consider adoption and open up their hearts and homes to the millions of orphans and abandoned children across the globe. 

At the same time, an awareness also needs to be created from the triad of perspectives, that is, the sensitive issue of birth parents choosing to place their children for adoption needs to be respected, the reasons why parents adopt need to pondered, and of course, the perspective of adoptees on how it feels to be adopted needs to be analysed from all angles so that we can educate ourselves and put ourselves in the shoes of those who are walking a different journey. 

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Awareness is good and for the well-being of my son and future adopted children - I am ever so grateful that November is Adoption Awareness month!

And do we celebrate?

This is such a controversial topic and it's debated on adoption groups regularly. Even I do not have a definitive answer. I say yes and no!

As a gesture to create awareness around adoption, on the 9th of November every year, people all around the world (usually those who have been touched by adoption in one way or another) draw a smiley face on their hands. This symbolization of the day might seem quite simple, but the meaning, in fact, is very deep. To me, the little smiley face is a representation of the innocent smile of a child, a child that was born into a complicate situation and deserves so much more than the hand he or she was dealt. It represents the emotional smiles that appear on adoptive parents’ faces when they receive the call to say they have been matched with a child. It symbolizes the beaming faces of moms and dads holding their child for the very first time. 

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I celebrate adoption month because I celebrate my child. I celebrate that adoption was an option, for both him and I. I celebrate second chance, I celebrate that you don't need to have the same blood to be family. I celebrate that my son was placed safely in a hospital while he waited for his new mom and dad. 

What I don't celebrate:

I do not celebrate that governments fail societies where parents cannot afford to keep their children, where justice systems do not prevent rapists and narcissists from impregnating women, where individuals are not educated on safe sex and birth control. I don't celebrate the fact that my son has to carry the weight of being adopted on his shoulders. 

This year I did not draw a smiley face on my son's hand because as he is getting older, I am starting to feel the weight of how adoption is going to effect his life. I grow scared for him. Adoption is sad. It's happy, but it's also oh so sad. I couldn't bring myself to draw a a smile on his hand while I felt overwhelmingly saddened at his loss. How dare his birth mom abandon him - this sweet child! 

CELEBRATE THE GOOD and leave room for mourning...

This is where I'm at. Adoption is sad as it is beautiful. I cannot lie to my son that I am overwhelmingly happy that he is mine and that I prayed for him. But I can be sensitive to his feelings and remind him that I am there to mourn with him too, that I acknowledge his loss and understand that confusion will sometimes set in. 

Through struggles comes strength, and in the realm of adoption, through struggles comes the strength of unconditional love, sacrifice, and forever families. - https://adoption.com/world-adoption-day-changing-the-world-one-child-at-a-time 

So, while November is a time celebrate our unique families and to hug our kids a little closer. It's also a time to mourn and pay attention to the fact that adoption is sad, it's hard, it's unfair, and it's a journey that some will never understand...

And this is how we will create complete awareness.

To end: The initial purpose of International Adoption month is to: 

The most important goal is to help provide a safe and loving permanent home for every child by advocating adoption as a means to grow one’s family. The focus is also largely driven on the fact that families come in all different shapes, colours and sizes and that this is to be appreciated and accepted by our communities. The objectives are also to bring to light the intricacies of adoption, to offer more shelter for adoptees who are vulnerable to their situations and to offer positive reactions instead of harmful (and hurtful) comments.   

Much love - @sweetpea

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