Today is not a Father's Day but I still want to dedicate this one to my Father in Heaven

in #love5 years ago

I am not sure how to start this but I feel very emotional on writing this post. This one is dedicated to my Father who passed away 20 years ago, but till today there has not been a single day when I have not remembered him.
In this month of August in our Religion we have a 10 Day Prayer service for our dear departed souls. It started from yesterday and will end on 16th August and 17th August will be our New Year. In these 10 days every day for an hour we have a Prayer service for our dear ones who have passed away. Normally people would do this for 5 years for their beloved ones, but then me and my sister we decided we will do it for a little longer duration and we did it for 15 years, finally the priest told us that it will not be advisable to continue any more so then we stopped.

My Father had a very unique character. First of all his temperament was very high, he would fume up in seconds and I used to always feel very scared asking him anything. He had his own reasons for his behavior, his circumstances had made him very very bitter. But he loved me the most, he used to always tell me, You resemble like my Mother and even your behavior is like her. He used to always feel that his Mother had come in my form in his life again.
My Parents had separated, and sadly we lived with none of them, it was a very difficult situation for both of them to manage us, which to an extent I always feel angry about, but still my Father had taken our custody and then he had to keep us far from him in an orphanage. Since he did not have enough resources then he could not afford to give us anything better. Also he was a heavy Alcoholic so again he did not have much of a choice but to keep us away from him. He would still take care of all our needs. It was very tough for us and I am sure it must be for him too,
Financially he was broken, he had tough Relations, had challenges in his job, if I think of it now I realize he had no smooth are in his life and I really wonder how did he survive with so much on him all the time. Towards the end of his life because of his heavy Alcohol he had developed serious health issues and we used to spend most of our times with him in hospital.


Source

With him going through so much I used to wonder at that age how can one person life be so messed up and for another a smooth one. Why does someone have to go through so much excess pain that is beyond a limit of tolerance. In the last 4 years of his life he was bedridden and almost out of senses, He had stopped recognizing us, it was all very killing, but then that was life then.

All said and done with all his problems he never failed our responsibility, he never used to spend money on him. It was always only us, to an extent he would not even spend on his medicals. I remember him as a person of Sacrifice. I may not have had a very decent childhood but still whatever I am today the credit goes to him because while all the ugly things were happening he also made it a point that he would give us what was needed for us to be independent.
I remember he used to always teach me lessons of honesty, faithfulness, dedication and integrity. He gave me some excellent life lessons which I feel have been my backbone and because of all of that I am a self made person today.
If I have to rewind my life and choose my father again may be I will choose him only. Because the amount of sacrifice he made with his conditions only a gem of a person can do that.

This is a small poem I want to write for my Dad today; it may not rhyme well but this just what I feel;

Oh my dear Father, do you look back at me
When I look above at you in Heaven
Do you smell the flowers that I bring to you lovingly every day

The fragrance of these flowers makes me feel your presence around me
The Candle that I light for you reminds me of the light that you have brought to my life

Not a day goes by when I do not think of you
And your every thought brings in the energy of courage to me

When I look at your picture I am glad you left this world to be in a better place
A place where you would be at peace and comfort

I do not hear your words any more but I know that your presence is always around
I am always grateful we crossed paths in this lifetime for me to understand life so well.

I know one day we will be together again in this place called Heaven
Where once again I will have the chance to hug you and let you know
that You were and you will always be my Hero.

I do not have any memories of childhood with my Mother but I have very strong memories with my Father, it was a very special bond we shared. I remember when I was very young he used to always tell me; "Do not get married" may be he used to say this because he had lost faith on this relation but I could never understand it then.

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this is beautiful @nainaztengra, your father seems like he was indeed a troubled man but you hold him in such high esteem and remember the wonderful lessons he taught you, loving and accepting him for who he was. Such a lovely tribute I imagine he was very proud of you x

Yes, and today when I think of him I really feel very sorry for the life he had. Also I wished he would have lived a little longer in a healthier state then I would have got an opportunity to give him some happiness by doing things for him, but sometimes destiny is very hard and you have no control over it. Thank you for your beautiful words my dear

What a beautiful tribute post to your father ;)

Thank you my dear :)

Most welcome :)

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