Jealousy, a bright eyed MONSTER.

The girl stood before my husband and offered herself, blatantly.
I recognised that it was an instinctive animal attraction.......... a sensual young woman posing prettily for a handsome older man........ someone experienced , someone who was already a 'leader of the pack'. She obviously could have the pick of all the tanned muscled young men playing 'touch rugby' on the beach that day but some primeval instinct rose up and in that incalcuable second, she chose Bob.............my Bob.

Then I saw IT and my gut twisted in blind..........jealousy! Me, jealous?
In the seconds that this happened I looked from her (heck even I was attracted by her perfection and heaven knows I am the most heterosexual woman on the planet) to him and saw IT. I saw his face soften and his mouth show a certain longing that he only showed me in our most intimate moments.
Did I feel betrayed.......yes, NO! I had the presence of mind to pull myself together and recognised this for what it really was......... unplanned, animal attraction - pure and simple.

Nevertheless I stood there breathless, as though I had been punched in the gut. The surf board I was carrying slithered from my grasp and I put my knee out clumsily to try to catch it. My big straw hat, fashionably raggedy around the brim slipped and I knew that by comparison I looked like a clumsy older woman, someone obviously desperate to 'hold on to HER man'.

It 'did the trick' however, and who knows perhaps the defensive part of my brain organised it. The moment between them was broken and I swear I actually saw Bob shut his eyes and shake his head slightly.........but maybe it was the sun in his incredible blue eyes that matched the waves before us.
"Let me have that," he said lightly and cleared his throat as the words had come out a trifle high pitched. I shut my eyes hard as he took the surf board from my weak grasp, he has surely had a punch to HIS gut this fine morning, I thought.

We had a splendid time on the beach that day.

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The only breeze served to cool us as we played an enthusiastic bat and ball game. Our two little dogs entertained the people who cared to watch with their antics of fetching and sharing the ball before allowing us to have a turn and continue our game.
The waves were great. We put on our fins and went out to the back line and caught some handsome beauties to the shore.
Our cooler box kept us in icy water and chicken salad that we had carefully packed earlier this morning.
Truthfully I forgot that moment of electricity between 'Milly, Maisie or was she Melinda' and MY Bob.

That is until we went back to the cottage and I sat in front of the mirror after my shower. I saw that I was looking good........ageing well I thought ruefully but when I leaned forward, even with the naked eye I could see the fine lines sneaking cruelly out from the corners of my eyes.
In that instant a wave of pain hit me hard. The dismay, the regret. the unavoidable effects of getting older and then worst of all it was............jealousy, a monster of such wicked proportions that I gasped. Up to this moment in time I had never entertained that deeply revolting emotion for even a solitary second.
I dug deep and made a yoga pose! It actually helped. I lowered my arms and unlocked my position.
I deliberately chose a flowing garment in white. I fluffed my hair purposefully and allowed it to trail forward over one shoulder. I put a little blusher high on my cheek bones...... and a spritz of, I smiled to myself, of Youth Dew.
The smile loosened my mouth which I realised I had clenched and I gave a rueful giggle.....rather forced it is true but nevertheless it loosened this 'fear' in me. I slid by feet into my silver sandals and WENT FORTH!

With good effect.

Bob turned from the braai fire and actually did a 'double take' as I sashayed towards him across the patio.
My smile turned brilliant as I saw that I was beguiling him. When he theatrically dropped the braai tongs and swept me off my feet and swung me round, I thought 'darn, I forgot to put on a piece of epic music to match this hoped for moment.' But the music was in his playful growl as he nuzzled my neck..........obviously the Youth Dew perfume was living up to its reputation!

The meat was never grilled that night and my confidence , that had never had occasion to slip before, was completely restored.
'It's all in the attitude,' I thought as I recalled my great aunt's wise advice on my wedding day 17 years before.

Image Source (www Pixabay.com)

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