Planning a wedding: What is more important, creating the perfect day or a celebration of love?

I visited the “Let’s get married’’ event held in Montreal, Canada a couple of weeks ago. It is the biggest and most important event in the province’s wedding industry.

Typically at the top of their checklist, engaged couples storm to these events in hopes of meeting the vendors that will create their perfect wedding. But I’m wondering, have these couples taken the time to know if they are really ready to commit and celebrate their love?. Or they’re just chasing the rosy glow idea of their wedding as a perfect day?

Now, I don’t want to seem as a critic of the bridal princess dream. I must admit that I truly fantasize about having an extraordinary wedding gown and love all the beautiful little things that make a wedding so appealing.

However, I’d like to walk you through my deep reflexion as I describe my experience of attending the event.

Let's get married
Most of the attendees were brides-to-be accompanied by their fiancee, family or friends. Women were running around with 4-5 gift bags on their arms, with that frenzied look of “Give me your best, sell me my dream, I want a perfect day!’’. Their fiancees were tagging along, taking photos or videos, with that worried look of “I wonder how much all this is going to cost’’. And there I was,...a loner (in hopes of getting married soon) merely seeking to satisfy my curiosity.

After the bridal show, I walked through the alleys and vendors of all kind approached me. Some were almost attacking me with their brochures and wedding goodies! Other vendors were much more discreet and just smiled as I walked by. It was obvious, they were all there to sell you the whole wedding package bonanza, with the promise of the “most memorable’’ wedding ever. There was something a little too superficial about this. Like if there was some sort of repeated formula in the whole wedding industry, where everything was just about selling you the perfect day.

Florists, wedding gown and tuxedo companies, limousines, decoration and design, Hotels and chalets and all sorts of venue companies, photographs,...you name it! They were all there.

Fortunately for those in search of an original wedding, vendors now offer a variety of themes to meet the couple’s desires. Basically, now there is enough out there to please everyone and meet their budget (well,...almost!).

Star Wars theme Wedding

This brings me back to my reflexion. Are engaged couples really just planning a perfect day or truly seeking to celebrate their love?. Is the true intention of the marriage being neglected as the energy shifts mostly towards the planning and buying stuff for the wedding day?

Don’t get me wrong, I totally respect people who want a wedding as advertised in bridal magazines. Nevertheless, so much stress, drama, and money involved in wedding planning, all for just a day? Well, actually yeah, it makes sense to me if your real motivation is celebrating your love and not just parading the status of your relationship to society.

But what is the meaning?
Most important I’d say, as a couple you should discuss the meaning of your marriage. And why is it important to figure this out before planning your wedding?, you may ask. Well, because as a couple you need to communicate and clarify your vision of marriage. Take a moment to understand why you are committing before vendors try to sell you their vision of a perfect wedding day.

When you both understand the meaning of your marriage, you will focus on the wedding as a celebration of love, and therefore give more energy into that. The planning of the event will become secondary and it might not even matter if you end up with a not-so-perfect-day.

My advice, before you start stressing about looking for vendors, creating invitations, shopping and who to invite, take a good moment to discuss what you both really want. Forget the external pressure for a moment, heck...I’d say, do this exercise even before you announce your engagement! It is too easy to get carried away in all the organizing turmoil and forget the real intention behind your wedding, celebrating your love!

My humble opinion
Remember this, when it comes to marriage, once you come down the fluffy cloud of your wedding celebration, all you really want is to have a fully committed and long-lasting relationship. Only focusing on the wedding as a perfect day is like hoping for an endless high that will dissolve when facing the challenges of real life.

When you look back on your wedding day, you want to remember the moments that captured your ceremony of love and the meaning of it for you as a couple. Not that Aunt Susie didn’t like the flavor of your cake, your musicians arrived late or that the wine you selected didn’t please your mom!

When recognized as such, a marriage and a deeply committed relationship provide an astonishing opportunity for growth. They open a portal toward understanding Love-how to create Love and how to receive Love.

Extract from the book: The Conscious Wedding Handbook, by Lila Sophia Tresemer & David Tresemer