My wife, Olivia, just left on a two-week trip to England to visit her mother who is in the hospital. Her mum isn’t doing so well, and while it looks like she will most likely recover, Olivia didn’t want to miss this opportunity to see her.

A trip away like this for my wife is very costly. Not only are last minute airfare bookings expensive, but we have six kids, and my amazing wife does a massive amount of work to keep our home and our children’s lives in order. When she’s not around, that responsibility falls on me, and well, I’ll just say, there’s a reason God gave me a wife.

Me and My Bride:

The Tribe:

Thankfully, I also have a highly capable and responsible 12-year-old daughter who is my mini-Olivia. She’s picking up a lot of slack this week, preparing lunches for the little ones, doing dishes, vacuuming the floor, and even making my bed. What a little legend! I think she’s earned her own Steemit wallet with a special power up from dad :)

Even with my daughter’s help, it’s still tough on everyone for Olivia to be away. There’s a love, emotional strength and stability that my wife emanates, which helps us all feel more secure and at peace. It doesn’t take long until we remember how much we desperately need her in our home.

Of course, she is much more to me than what she brings to our family. She is my best friend, my life partner, my lover, and my soul mate. We’ve been married for over 16 years, had six children together, made multiple overseas moves, created heaps of wonderful memories, and worked through plenty of challenges.

Over time, because of the way we cover one another’s weaknesses, we have come to rely deeply on one another. I get to focus on what I’m good at, and she gets to focus on what she’s good at, which is almost everything else. We’re a perfect fit.

With her being away, I’ve been reflecting on why it was sad to say goodbye at the airport and why the feelings of love intensify now that we’re separated by over 10,000 miles.

Here are some of my thoughts on why absence makes the heart grow fonder:

Absence makes you invest in a deeper emotional and psychological closeness.

According to a study published in 2013 by the Journal of Communication, couples who are separated by distance experience more meaningful interactions than those who see each other daily. Though the study focused on long-distance relationships, the same principle applies to couples who are temporarily separated for a season.

Because my wife is on the other side of the planet, there can be no physical intimacy. We’re left only with the challenge to connect more deeply at an emotional level. With a break from the familiarity that comes through daily face-to-face interaction, we feel more inspired to be vocal and encouraging about our love and devotion to one another.

These more meaningful interactions, affirming our love for and trust in one another, leads to a higher level of intimacy and closeness. In short, the pain of being apart fuels greater passion and desire.

Absence causes you to focus on the things you love, and forget the irritating quirks.

Let’s face it, we’re all a little quirky, especially in the eyes of people that are different than us. It just so happens that we’re intuitively attracted to and tend to fall in love with a person that is, at least in some ways, our opposite. You know you’ve found a great partner when your complementary strengths fit together like a hand in a glove.

Challenges in the relationship arise because those strengths also have a dark side. The things we love and desperately need about their personality and ways of thinking, feeling and acting can also be super- annoying.

Olivia is very organised and disciplined, but she can also be very “rulesy.” I on the other hand am more spontaneous, a risk-taker and a rule-breaker. We complement one another well, but when I speed, she gets irritated and tells me to slow down, which makes me irritated because I don’t want to be told to conform. Nearly every conflict in our marriage has been the result of something like this – a way that we’re different.

But being far away from one another, and missing the companionship we share, all those irritating quirks are forgotten about. All you can think about is the things you love and miss.

The authors of the above-mentioned study found that long-distance partners tend to idealise their relationship. Being unable to see one another daily, especially those moments when they’re both at their worst, they create an ideal image of one another. Forgetting all the quirks builds a deeper intimacy.

Absence empowers you to prioritise your decision to love.

I’m one of those people that believe marriage is extremely important. I don’t mean that we need a legal document from the state validating our relationship. What I mean is if you really love someone, your children and all society will be well-served if you stand up in front of your family and friends and publically declare your love, devotion, and decision to love one another until you die.

This public declaration of your lifelong commitment is also an invitation to those witnesses to say, “Hey, I know things are tough right now, but you promised to stay together no matter what. You need to work this out.”

Love at its deepest and most fundamental level is a decision, not just a feeling or an emotion. That’s why I believe marriage is important.

The intimacy that grows when you’re communicating to one another while apart serves you well when you are reunited. I will be so happy to have my wife back home, but within a week or so, those quirks will be back too – and I’m speaking mainly of my own!

She’ll do something that irritates me, and I’ll do something that irritates her, and some conflict will ensue. Then hopefully we’ll remember what it was like to be apart from one another and we’ll feel grateful again to be together.

The decision to love is the glue that holds two people together amidst conflict. It brings a deep security to my children knowing their parents have decided to love each other forever, regardless of how we feel at any given moment.

Remaining faithful to that decision to love one another forever, no matter what, will be empowered by a heart that has grown fonder through absence. At least that’s what I keep telling myself!

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Jason Staggers