Challenging Love to Be Unconditional - Part 7

in love •  7 months ago 

In Death There is Also Rebirth!


Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6


A few months later the annual conference rolled around.  This unschooling conference, and the life it supported, was full of barefoot people--adults and children alike.  It was a super untraditional, relaxed, open opportunity to express oneself and to overcome ideas, thoughts and conditioning that is such a limiting normality of most people’s everyday lives.  It was not uncommon to see cartwheels down the hall, costumes,, piggy back riding, experimentation with relationships, expressive communication, singing, music and dancing, ecstatic children, uncontrollable laughter and other joyous, heartfelt, divine experiences.  



It was 5 days where a rare person left the venue, remaining immersed thoroughly and genuinely, squeezing out every drop of juice from this highly transformational event.   “The Conference” was the highlight of our year--indeed of many of our lives!  



Quinn facilitated many session at the conference, and this particular year was also on a panel of unschoolers talking about their experiences -- their ups and downs, especially in comparison to the lives of their schooled friends, as well as the profound life that can unfold when a child is honored as a divine being.  Every time Quinn would answer someone's question, I could feel the tension release from my body, and at the same time my heart race.  The sound of his voice was so comforting and what he had to share validated my own choice to unschool my children.  Though I had unschooled them for years, I always felt more at ease when I would hear an example of someone who themselves had unschooled, as everything I had ever been taught about raising children was being challenged.  Quinn’s genius shined through to me and I was astounded by his eloquence.  Following the session, his Aunt asked me “Do you get him?”  (The conference and many of the ideas discussed were new to her.)  “Oh yes, I get him!”  I was getting more of him, and I was liking it--a lot!



Quinn and I found ourselves conveniently running into each other more and more frequently during the conference. We starting hanging around each other, flirting, teasing, wrestling, and finally massaging, cuddling, relaxing into each other, rolling around on the ballroom floor, feeding each other chocolate and running our fingers through each other’s hair.  Deep dark chocolate kisses passed the night away as the unschoolers we had known for many years looked on.  To me it mattered not, even being witnessed by my children (I knew ultimately no matter what they would want me to be happy), as my heart strings were afire and the excitement of piqued intrigue overwhelmed me.   I can still feel the elated vibration of the ecstatic intimate dance we ignited, and the glitzy bindi dots we placed on each other’s foreheads in remembrance still to this day adorn the mirror in my bedroom. 


OMG!  I couldn’t believe this was happening.  For the past two years I was feeling the intensity of sadness of my dissolving marriage….and now this!

This night and the following, with Quinn laying in my lap while we conversed with others at the conference, gave rise to new courage within me.  The kids and the adults as well were beginning to question our actions.  Even though these were people who were thinking out of the box about life, our budding relationship challenged them greatly.  



Quinn was only 5 years older than my son, half my age, and a wild child who just lived in the moment.  A few people dared say he was not good for me--”he’ll break your heart” they told me.  They would imagine this as some “fling”, some infatuation, or for me a mid-life crisis.  I didn’t know what it was, but I knew it was something incredibly intense and magical.   I had no reasonable explanation - it was way beyond my imagination, a powerful colliding of universes.


I consciously chose to allow the onlookers feelings to be their own, and to tune into the most exciting, heart-warming, spirit bubbling, joyous internal screaming I had ever experienced.  Against my nature I threw caution to the wind and decided to just be in the present moment and forget about the rest.  If this intimate encounter was only for right now, I was going to breathe it in.  It was like a dream, a time warp, other-worldly really. I was not going to miss a moment of this exquisitely juicy present feeling.  

How would I be able to live with myself
if I passed up the opportunity to feel so much?  


By the conference end, we were glued to each other. Though it really didn’t make much sense from an outsider’s perspective, we embraced the undeniable magnetism without judgment.  


We just said yes!


I wasn’t too much in my head as my heart was a flutter.  I wasn’t projecting future moments, but surrendering to the potency of right now.  It was almost as if a  light switch had been turned on , or flood gates had been opened.  


I realized releasing my marriage had given rise to a whole new spectrum of possibility..  I had to die from one life to be born to another.  Even if this had only lasted a moment, the shift in my reality made me aware that I was finally ready for change.


I also instinctively knew that if I truly cared about how other people felt about me/us, I would have to deny my own feelings in order to comfort and accommodate them.  I had a lot within myself to face on top of my children, the unschooling community, Quinn’s siblings and mother/my best friend.  

This could be weird….!

Stay Tuned for Part 8



Authors get paid when people like you upvote their post.
If you enjoyed what you read here, create your account today and start earning FREE STEEM!
Sort Order:  

Wow,
So
Much potential for Difficult times, fear, uncomfortably, uncertainty, judgment etc.
It all seemed so easy and natural and really it was. It just
Felt meant to be like we had known we would find each other forever.
The world really is scared. Even this “out of the box” conference couldn’t handle real freedom, expression or truth. Still so much fear, a different box with different colored fear wrapping.
Glad u made it through into the world of authentic and responsible presence.
A true present!

love really is a present, wish i could experience it. good content though

Real freedom is scary as humans have no frame of reference in our tidy little lives for something so powerful. It's always easier to resist what one doesn't understand. A love like this is rare -- few are so blessed! I'm so very grateful that I did't use fear to stifle or extinguish this magnificent experience, and breathe in appreciation for your helping me feel the depths of possibility. Grateful to be here with you, living the gift! 💗

Hello
Thank you for sharing your story.
I can only imagine how it feels to share this chapter of your personal journey, as you sell your home and move on to your next adventure.

It seems you and your home have both metamorphised. Aspects of your home's story have been shared on steemit, and the many relationships that formed in it honoured too, including yours and Quinn's. But this post feels like a particularly cathartic one.

There are many different families posting on steemit, from conservative christian and islamic to off the grid homesteaders, and any number of triumphs and challenges shared. The diversity of them becomes less important when we just consider family to be love, safety, nurturing and respect.

There were integral people in my life who's ideas of me I too often concerned myself with, and in the past I gave these people too much consideration when making choices for myself. The upside of being completely let down by those people was the freedom to realise no one knew what was right for me better than me. Sure I will make decisions I might have some regret about or I might make great decisions everyone does, everyone needs to, that is what living is all about.

Live a happy, confidant, full life and the right people will still be there, and will mutually benefit from being in your world.

💃

What a delight to have you here @girlbeforemirror. This indeed is a time for deep cleansing--a purging of the soul and years of simply living in human form!!

I have been planning to write this account for many years, but generally haven't known where to start, as every little bit is a transformative experience of its own. Some of it just started writing itself some time back and now it's time to become more vulnerable to share.

With all the releasing in my life right now, including my home, the tangible @gardenofeden life, relationships and ideas, I feel I am becoming lighter and freer. There is still so much to attend to both inside and out but progress is definitely in flow!

I'm glad you too could see how molding ourselves to the ideas and expectations of others can be so detriment to our own soulful journeys. At least we get to take responsible for our experience, have no one else to blame when it doesn't turn out like we hope, and get to bask in the joys when it does, all in fulfillment of our own purpose. We are blessed in this awareness and I have no doubt it will benefit us for a lifetime, if not many.

Thank you for shining your light in my direction and for taking the time to share yourself. Much love to you @girlbeforemirror. I hope to see you around for the continuation of the experience.

I have been less engaged than i would have liked to be, not just here but in every part of my life. Aspects of this I have power over, some I have to accept and surrender to, in order to move through with honesty and integrity. Either way, I need to own it.

There is still so much to attend to both inside and out but progress is definitely in flow!

Yep!

I meant to write a post for you and send this collage I made with my little guy, but too often my impediments have had me half complete tasks.
PSX_20181110_115729.jpg

I made it after I upset myself when I missed the last collaboration I said I would join. I struggle immensely with pain, even doing everyday things, it frustrates me because I am quite a hyperactive person and very task driven.

We have moved to a town in the mountains outside of Sydney to hopefully find a better, healthier, happier normal.
It is a big change, hopefully a good one, it is forward, and breathing and with moments of mindfullness and mindless fury, but it is with my people, so it is the right way regardless.


I have been reading @saramiller's posts about her experiences. I appreciate them very much, as I move through my own stuff.
As I said, I have a limit to my function and I lose my words. I will respond properly to her posts when I can muster the right words to match my gratitude. I wanted to do the same for you, but I offer you this protracted comment with all I can muster at the moment. X

Awwwww....that is awesome. Bits and pieces of my things turned into something so intriguing!!! I love that!!! Thank you!! The bird on the forehead is one of my favorite parts. Excellent placement!! I did another collaboration btw, but I think only one person came by to join. That's what happens when priorities shift--other things naturally become more important.

Managing pain is gratefully something most of us don't have to deal with on the regs. Being sick really adds extra challenges that most people don't have to face and so never go deep. Often health is taken for granted, as we find plenty of other things to complain about!! Your challenges are great, which also means the potential for grand greatness also exists. Many would not be able to do what you do--you're stronger than you may know.

Mountains sound so delightful!!! I hope you get to live a peaceful existence with everything that is important to you.

It's great that Sara is writing about her experience here. She had a really rocky beginning, and has overcome so much. We imagine by being vulnerable to share our stories that others will be able to heal too. It's definitely an on-going opportunity to do some soul searching to find what is at the core. Often doing it together raw and real opens pathways we didn't know existed.

I thank you for taking the time and energy to respond. It's great that your heart is so full, even if your body needs to rest. Much love to you @girlbeforemirror.

Awwwww....that is awesome. Bits and pieces of my things turned into something so intriguing!!! I love that!!! Thank you!! The bird on the forehead is one of my favorite parts. Excellent placement!! I did another collaboration btw, but I think only one person came by to join. That's what happens when priorities shift--other things naturally become more important.

Managing pain is gratefully something most of us don't have to deal with on the regs. Being sick really adds extra challenges that most people don't have to face and so never go deep. Often health is taken for granted, as we find plenty of other things to complain about!! Your challenges are great, which also means the potential for grand greatness also exists. Many would not be able to do what you do--you're stronger than you may know.

Mountains sound so delightful!!! I hope you get to live a peaceful existence with everything that is important to you.

It's great that Sara is writing about her experience here. She had a really rocky beginning, and has overcome so much. We imagine by being vulnerable to share our stories that others will be able to heal too. It's definitely an on-going opportunity to do some soul searching to find what is at the core. Often doing it together raw and real opens pathways we didn't know existed.

I thank you for taking the time and energy to respond. It's great that your heart is so full, even if your body needs to rest. Much love to you @girlbeforemirror.

Cor blimey, I'm intrigued! :0)

I just wrote an epic ramble... Core blimey covers it well. You do have a way with words boom man.

Lol, yours is epic and splendid for it!

It is indeed an intriguing journey -- excited that I'm experiencing it full on. Love that you're here @meesterboom. Hope you have the chance to read the full story.

Hmmm, this is a very complicated issue, but the feelings are there for all to see. Nobody can deny such a feeling.
Looking forward to the next

We couldn't (and didn't want to) deny such a feeling, but many people appeared to really want us to so they could be comfortable with their own ideas of how thing are supposed to be. Very interesting to live this life and this love, in the full expression of it. YAY---you're still here!

To listen to the audio version of this article click on the play image.

Brought to you by @tts. If you find it useful please consider upvoting this reply.