We all have sorrow, But if we are wise, We know that there's always tomorrow
Tonight as I was visiting the entries of the Pay It Forward Contest I ran into this post SONGSPIRATION: LESSONS FROM THE SONG which pulled lessons from the song Lean On Me.
So I'd suggest hitting play and then reading as the Music plays, the song and my story go hand in hand.
| Now this song holds a special and tragic place in my heart. It's one of those songs that instantly changes my mood and transports me back in time nearly 25 years. |
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It Was the Best of Years, It was the Worst of Years
It was High School. Most of the time I look back on high school years and think about the good times we had during those carefree years of life. I still have many friends that date back to high school and actually just came home from having beers and playing hockey with one of them. This friend was a groomsman in my wedding and I was in his a decade later.
This song....oh this song. It instantly brings back memories of those who I lost during my High School years as Lean On Me became our class song. It was an odd choice until you realize that our graduating class had lost 16 kids from the start of freshman year until we graduated. Drunk driver killed the first when we were no more then 2 months into our freshman year. From there we lost more to drunk driving/drivers, one to cancer, another to domestic violence....killed by her own Father, and then one to suicide as they couldn't handle the loss of yet another friend which had happened just a few days before.
To add to all of this my Jr High had kids go to 2 different High Schools and I lost some very close friends at the other High School too. To be honest there was a time frame in my life where I didn't let new people in as it felt like everyone around me was dying. I had shut myself off to letting anyone in.
Then Lean On Me started being played
It's odd how the words of a song can impact a person. There was a guitar prodigy in our school, Dave was his name. He started playing this song all the time and once I listened...truly listened to the words I realized that I wasn't alone in my pain and that by closing off to others I wasn't actually living my life.
Sometimes in our lives we all have pain
We all have sorrow
But if we are wise
We know that there's always tomorrow
I had to have heard this song 100 times during my Jr and Sr years of High School and from any point in the song to this day can sing it till the end. When I close my eyes while listening to Lean On Me I can picture those who I lost along the way. The memories of those who otherwise probably would have faded away are still there and instantly all sorts of emotions flow over my. As this song helped me along during high school it was also a song I've turned to over the years as other friends have passed so their memories are right there too.
So with a single song I can remember the gentle touch of a girl I was dating who's Father snapped one night beat her to death, a friend who we didn't stop from getting into a car even though we knew he shouldn't be driving who wrapped his car around a tree at 90+ miles an hour killing himself and 2 other friends, the singing voice of an angel who I had known since 3rd grade when I switched schools and she helped me meet people including some friends I still have to this day who was hit by a truck driver who fell asleep and ran a red light killing her instantly along with her little Sister, to the last friend who was more like a little brother (3 years younger and my Sisters best friend forever) who served his country in some of the most dangerous places in the world only to come home and somehow slip in his kitchen and crack his head open bleeding out before anyone came home to find him.
6/28 was the day
It's odd that I was brought to a post talking about the song that was played at the memorial for our friend who's note simply said "Sorry it's one more, but I've had enough". We had just buried another friend and all went home to change and we knew that this friend had taken this one really hard...someone should have stayed with him.
These are some of my deepest pains in life and the day that I found a friend hanging lifeless in the foyer of his house. This day I almost joined him, it's the day I almost took my life 24 years ago. It was a brief thought, but one that lasted long enough that to this day I remember the calm that took over my body as I thought this would be so easy. Instead I called the police, and decided that I needed to be strong for his parents and little sister...she has and always will have a Big Brother to lean on.
As the song played tonight I felt the need to share and let everyone know that you are never alone. There is always someone there who loves you and will miss you. Trust me...for the love of god trust me I know things can be hard at times. But life is worth living and it's amazing how with a little time holes that seemed like they could never mend slowly start to fill in if you allow others into your heart. How the girl you thought could never be replaced, while always with you, does get replaced and by an amazing woman and 2 girls of your own. That it's ok to admit you have pain and that you need a help dealing with that pain.
So this is my personal suicide prevention message. Please realize that it's a real issue and know that suicide doesn't care about your wealth, color, or religion...everyone has a breaking point and it's our jobs to make sure those we love realize there is someone there for them. Not with weak words, but with your actions. If you know someone in pain right now you need to get together with them and show them they are loved.
Some resources:
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline - 1-800-273-8255 (US)
https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
Photos are from Pixabay and are CC0 Creative Commons, Free for commercial use No attribution required
It is always hard to lose family, comrades and friends. They still in our memory. We never forget their smiles faces or our interaction with them.
It is so important to talk to people and family. We have lost way to many with suicide. You don't have to give your name when you call a help center and they are there to listen to what ever you have to say.
This is an awesome post. My lover committed suicide and NO ONE saw it coming. The assumption that one can see a vulnerable soul is fallacious, I think. We simply nee d to pay even more attention to the "strong" ones with the tight facades who always seem to be OK until one day they're not and are gone. A very important post - thank you.
Sorry to hear about your loss. Sure that it was devastating for you. So many emotions happen when someone does that, the sadness of your loss, the anger of how the F could that do that, and the empathy for their loved ones.
There are some that are so hard to know what is really happening with them. If someone doesn't tell anyone that they are hurting it gets so much harder for others to notice. We just have to pay attention to our loved ones and do the best we can.
Now I think the more water-tight a facade is, the less I believe it. Trust my energy and feeling more. But it has been a loooong journey to come to terms with his choice.
Lean On Me and Through the Years are two songs that have a great impact on me and still to this day. These songs hold powerful meaning. Both songs helped me during my dark days and during my lonely times.
Your story touched a nerve and opened the flood gates. It is relatable. It is so personal and painful to read. I've always said and keep on saying that we should be kind always for we don't know what the others are going through. One smile, a simple act of kindness may be the only thing that we needed to bring us back from the brink of destruction.
I had a friend not long ago admit to me that she would call me any time she was feeling bad about herself, her self image more importantly. Since the day I met her she has been beautiful to me and I've called her that each time we see each other or talk on the phone. I never thought anything of it, but she said there were many times that she just needed to hear me call her beautiful and then when we would end the call that I loved her.
Now mind you my Wife had major complexes about some of the girls in my life when we first started dating. She would hear me call them beautiful or other pet names and then me tell them that I loved them and she hadn't been around for the years that bounded us together like this. So it typically wasn't until she would meet the girl and see how we acted together that she realized the connection that was there and it wasn't anything that should be seen as a threat. But that is a whole different set of stories.
I'm so sorry for what happened in your past and proud of you for the choices you made to become the man, husband and father you are today. Thank you for such an inspiring and heartfelt message...and a very necessary one too.
Thank you for the kind words! As a parent I always feel like I should be doing more...or less. Just seems like there rarely is a right answer. Sure I'll figure this thing out around the time I have grandkids...lol. So it's always nice to hear someone thinks you are doing good.
The message is needed and hope that it reaches more people. There are to many out there who either are in pain or know someone who it right now.
You're welcome @thedarkhorse. I often struggled with "am I doing this right?" when I was parenting, but now my boys are 20 and 23, and although I know I screwed up at times, they really do remember the good times. And after talking through some of the "bad" times, the foundation was strongly in place, and therefore they can forgive and forget. That's the key that I think you have and don't know it. It's something I only figured out how important it was when the boys were older...the fact that I always spent so much time with them...that shows to kids that they are worth it; It's the same with you... you already spend so much time with your kids and it does wonders. Not buying them stuff, going on holidays, but spending time. I remember when I was first getting to know you on here and you were posting "cooking with the kids"... that's the things that mean so much. My ex worked literally all of the time, and i was the one who kept it all together. Today, the boys don't have nearly the relationship with him as they do with me.
You're right about the message too; too many suffer alone and until our culture decides that "mental illness' of any kind is something that should be talked about and not something to feel shame in, then maybe things will change a bit.
a message well worth sharing. Thank you for this.
Lean on me has always been a song of true friendship for me and I have always appreciated its relevance.
It is sad the way we lose friends to accidents, to families moving away, to life basically. It is something i have learnt to cope with the best way I can; by appreciating the love of those who are still with me and letting them know that I appreciate them.
A friend of mine, a happy surfer type, hung himself at 13. No one ever knew why. We all have demons.
A boy I got into a fight with in primary school killed a service station attendant and was caught stalking an eyewitness with a bowie knife.
My senior high school had a memorial area built, the year before I arrived, a bus going to a senior camp went over the edge of a mountain and killed 10 students. A darling couple were found still holding hands.
One night I was too ill to go out with some friends. The next morning one of them had been stabbed to death trying to defend some girls from some drunk men.
The list goes on...
The worst thing this world has done is make people feel weak when they are actually strong, disempowered them, hamstrung them from having the ability to cope and then tricked them into finding importance in irrelevance. We are much more capable than we realise and much more resilient than we act.
When I was 18 I spent a great deal of time ill in bed and a lot of that planning my fate. Nothing and no one saved me, no one could. The thing is, no matter if support is there, we are never truly alone, we just have to rely on ourselves although, it is much better to have someone and, be the kind of person someone can lean on.
Thank you for sharing! You have dealt with some serious tragedies too. It is good for others to see the weight of the world doesn't just rest on their shoulders. We all share in carrying this weight. We each can choose to be broken by the weight or to get stronger from it.
People as a whole can achieve almost anything if they just believe in themselves. Allow time to deal with tragedy and pain, accept it for what it is, learn from it, and grow stronger. Then you can become that person others can lean on when they have pain.
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I can imagine just how difficult it was for you to share these painful memories @thedarkhorse........yet knowing a little of your caring heart I believe many words flowed with ease because as you were writing what you were feeling for others who are on the verge of giving up......
Something you experienced yourself as a result of a series of heart wrenching tragedies. It is interesting to read that you felt a sense of peace wash over you as you contemplated taking your own life and this needs to be told because this peace is a liar and the harbinger of the suffering that surely follows by loved ones left to try and pick up the pieces.
It is really important for us to be vigilant when it comes to reading the emotions of those who are contemplating suicide as they will naturally work hard at hiding their true feelings if they are serious and determined about what they are planning.
Thank you for baring your soul and for telling the world you care. There is always someone who cares and so I urge anyone who is close to the edge to pause and seek that one person near you or is available just a phone call away to “Lean on them.”
Resteeming ...........and .blessings to you and yours my friend @thedarkhorse 🌸💖🌸
So sorry to hear about your losses. I've also lost both parents all grandparents, most aunts and uncles and many friends and there has always been a piece of music carrying me through.
I get so sad when people feel so alone in their sorrow that they rather take their own life than think of talking to someone else.
Be strong